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Aggresive Behaviour

I havent relised this before but recently i get aggressive at the slightest thing, im jealous all of a sudden of my husbands increased contact with his family its always been me and him and recently his family have got in contact with him and they are ok with him now his been calling them and visiting them and i feel like i have been pushed to one side im jealous of thier relationship which sounds so selfish of me that i just snap and i hit him yesterday with the phone im so aggresive these days thats really unusual i think its my medication because i have constant mood swings now and then and feel like i dont want to be here its got to be the medication

Has anyone got any idea to handle the problem with my husband how to stop myself being so jealous when i no its such a big oppurtunity now that his family are involved his only been speaking to them for 2 weeks i dont want to ruin it because i will ruin our relationship.

22 Replies

Talk to him about how your feeling and ask him to understand that a lot of the way your are feeling is down to the illness and the meds. He will understand that you are not normally like this. Its good that he is on speaking terms with his family, he will need his family and friends, just be open and honest with him :)


I have spoke to him i think he understands but not fully enough he thinks i can overcome it just like that and thats not the way it is. I shouldnt be provoking him with my anger because he can get so much more worse than me i just wish people were educated more on the condition and for my rhuemy to actually tell me the side effects that im likely to encounter.


Hi hun, are you on steroids? this sounds like classic steroid psychosis. been through it myself and swear i wont touch them again. rock bottom for me was when my poor, now x hubby, came close to losing an ear by flying knife and thoughts of taking my own life because i believed those around me would be better off. if your on steroids talk to someone asap so you can start weaning off them. there are alternative meds you can take like azathioprine or methotrexate. these used for those who do not respond or have side effects from steroids.



sorry it is spose to be azathioprine and mercaptopurine (not methotrexate)


Yes im on steroids at 5mg i no this is a low dose but its definatly doing something because i wasnt like it before. What a relief that there is some other meds that can do the trick without having such disastrous consequences i have a rhuemy appointment just tommorow so will bring that up and see the outcome



I am in a little bit of disbelief as i could have written your post myself!!!!!

I truly feel for you and I sympathise and empathise too. I have been experiencing a steady decline with that sort of behaviour in myself for a number of months now, although slightly different circumstances.

I know that to you, your insecurities and doubts are manifesting themselves as a complete truth!!!

To you it is totally apparent that what you THINK is happening IS actually happening. You hurt on a daily basis..... you suffer on a daily basis which makes your ''condition'' appear even worse.

And then at the end of the day when you lay in bed almost accept that everyone would be better off without you, or they never cared anyway, and so their lives would dramatically improve in your absence.

And the worst thing is that before lupus, you were a very balanced human being, you werent insecure, you were hateful, you werent vicious with your words or ever feel agressive, SO AGAIN, it must be true.

I wish we could meet up, honey, and talk and maybe give each other the support that is needed as I too, at this very moment feel exactly like you.

My relationship ius hanging by a thread, I shout and scream and hollar and have also hit my partner. I constantly accuse, I constantly have a problem with opne of his ex's (even though shge is on the scene a little and hge does take her side over me)

And to me it is yet another failure.....yet another nail in my coffin so to speak.

Try and concentrate on the positives and if I can ever be of any support to you then please dont hesistate to contact me

Much love and huggggggs

Mandie xxx


Im overwhelmed that im not the only one like this im 18 yrs old and feel like i want to smash things sometimes i crack mirrors just so idont crack someone else. If someones says something i dont like i would want to kill them thats how i feel. I never used to be like this and thats the worse thing even when diagnosed with lupus i think its definatly the meds like steroids every one in my family can see they are having an effect sometimes i get suicidal and rather take my daily meds wish i could take the whole box, i just think im causing so much hurt no one would relise im not there.

Im going to mention this at my rhuemy appointment tomorrow hope he takes notice of it.


First consideration is prednisone. If you are on prednisone it can make you very irritable and aggressive.

Second consideration is grieving. One of the stages of grieving is anger. We are grieving for who we where and who we dreamed we would be, We are grieving for changes in our relationships. We are grieving for the self who used to feel good and be able to enjoy life.

We can deal with grieving by journaling, a mental health professional, a support group, or all of the above. The emotions need to be expressed. When they emotions are not expressed, they morph into things like aggression, loss of patience, inappropriate jealousy and a host of other things that end up making our entire situation worse.

In addition, when we are feeling sick, we want the presence and comfort of our partner. It is natural that you resent when he is not there for you, but not terribly appropriate for your relationship.

Try journaling in a stream of consciousness manner first thing in the morning every day for two weeks. See what you learn.


Your so right yes im on prednisolone and yes each time im angry i cry afterwards feeling sorry for myself how iv ended up like this its sad really because i just want to relise that theres more to life than lupus and i can still do the things i love. Hopefully i can get over this afterall its sort of a new family for me and thats waht i have to take it seeing them more as well i should get over that but the aggressiveness i will bring that up at my rheumy appointment tomorrow hopefully something can be done


I was diagnosed in 2003 at the age of 51. My lupus was life threatening. I lost my jobs and was days from becoming homeless when my disability finally came through. I am 61 now and in remission. At age 55, I went off disability and started working. There is hope. You just need to learn about the emotional side of chronic illness and work through your grieving.

What I can say now, is that even though I lost everything to lupus I got to choose what went into my new life. We have to create a new normal that allows room for lupus but does not take over our being.


Words of wisdom you have written throughout this posts. I think I going to try the journal diary. Do you practice counselling? If not then you have a fab way of putting things in perspective xxx


I don't practice counseling. I am a musician, teacher, and writer. However, lupus led me to another job. I am the program director for the Lupus Foundation of Florida. I work with patients all the time. What I share comes from my own personal journey and my struggle to make sense of it.


Hi there, please go and speak to your GP. Ask them for counselling/support and discuss the possible side effects of the meds you are on. Tell them you are not controlling your emotions as this could have disastrous effects for your relationship, and also that someone could get hurt. i'm sure you'd never forgive yourself if you or your partner became hurt as a result.

For me it manifested in tears rather than anger, any silly old soap or news item would have me in floods of tears. For a while I believed everything was sad. But having counselling sessions that focussed on the grief of a chronic illness has helped me over time. At the time, I just felt I was going through the motions, and that saying my feelings out loud would not change anything, but overtime I was able to rationalise and come to terms with this illness.

It is important to seek out some help to prevent this from continuing.

All the best,


ps keep us posted.


If you take steroids they can send you nuts as others had said, If I were you I would go to my GP and explain exactly how your feeling and look at the possibility of coming off them.

I have had 2 separate occasions of steroids and my last lot was quite high and for a 6 week period, for me I would not take them again unless I was at death's door, I hate them and they hate me, but you should speak to your partner and explain and def go doc's.

Good luck and keep fighting, use google too it's fab for information xx


Yes, mood swings and aggression, temper tantrums, etc, side effect of prednisolone.

Could also be central nervous system lupus, which is a very common symptom of lupus. It can cause very severe mood swings, errors of judgement, paranoia, memory problems, even fits and psychosis.

People don't like to talk about it but it is something that can happen with lupus.

Thirdly anti phospholipid sndrome can cause mental problems and again is very common with lupus.

Another possibility due to your age could be PMS, which can cause violent mood swings. Lupus is known to cause a problem called pre-menstrual magnification, which means that pre menstrually any problems you could have such as pain or moodyness, will increase.

I agree with the others... some good suggestions for help.


I dont think its any of the things apart from prednisolone but im not that aggressive anyway just minor i dont throw knifes or anything like that and sometimes i can control myself its only when someone says something wrong or something like that i dont get aggressive everyday and most of the time i just run my mouth i dont use my hands so yeah


Oooh, this PMM sounds interesting.........will have 2 do a little research later as a few of us had a discussion about lupus' effect on u're hormones & menstrual cycle a while ago.


I would defo be interested in any further info or references to lupus and effescts on hormones. Please share here if you find anything xxx


Where can I find more info on this central nervous system lupus? The errors of judgement and paranoia etc, have you got any references or is this personal expereince? Also the fact that APS can cause mental problems? I have SLE, Sjorgens and APS. I have struggled with this and would never take steroids again, unless my life depended on it. Just interested in trying to find more info, it is a subject that is hard to research.


Lots of stuff online about APS and the brain but I did not wish to upset anyone, you could google it using the full name antiphospholipid antibodies brain or antihohosholipid antibodies cerebral.


Thanks very much, I just wanted further info, no one upset!! It is a subject not talked about enough imho.


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