Dark nights / Christmas Hype / does th... - Living with Anxiety
Dark nights / Christmas Hype / does this make our Anxiety worse ? do we feel more lonely and need more support at this time of the year ?
21 VotersPlease select all that apply:
Please feel free to comment how you feel around this time of the year and what affects you the most if anything 
Hi lulu hope you keeping well david
Hello David
Nice to hear from you , I was wondering how you were ?
I hope you are keeping well to x
Hi lulu its nice to hear from you also ! Having a few problems with my depression and insomnia but apart from that im fine ! Regards you poll what a great idea its good to see how everyones affected by there anxiety and depression this would be a great idea for different topics to better understand how people in the group are coping with certain issues take care david x
Hi David
Sorry to hear you are having sleep problems and your depression is playing up , do you think that's anything to do with the time of the year ? I know these dark nights can make me feel lower than usual , I hope you have got support with how you are feeling and you know we are always about if you need to talk
Yes it is good to see how others cope or how it affects them in certain situations , we can not feel so alone and learn from each other
Maybe members might start doing some posts so we can all join in if they can think of something they want to talk about , that would be nice
I hope your depression lifts soon and you have the best weekend you can x
I can't drive in the dark so limited to getting home by 4pm. Isolating. Also my body's thermostat has 'gone to pot'. A room temp can be the same but I can feel icy cold or burning up. Christmas? gets right up my nose! Love the buying /giving but loathe the pressure of 'the day'. Getting the heebie-jeebies about leaving the house...... roll on April.
Hello FairyfeetX
Nice to meet you
So many don't like driving in the dark so you are not alone on that one
Sometimes it can be your anxiety making your body temperature go to pot and if like me a female of a certain age well hormones can play a big part in that to
I love the way you say Christmas gets right up my nose , made me smile at the way you put it
I think all these adverts don't help one bit they make Christmas look so perfect which for me makes me think my Christmas day should be perfect to , I think that is where some of the pressure comes from we set our expectations to high
Agree roll on April and would be lovely to see you on the Community some time and get to know you more if you feel like joining in with us anytime
Thank you for your reply x
The dark nights definately bring me down as it makes the days shorter i think the name for it is seasonal defecit disorder its amazing the amount of people it affects ! There are lamps to help cimbat it but they are very costly ! David
Hello David
I agree , the dark nights do make the days so much shorter and can start to make you feel depressed
I have heard about those lamps , never looked at them so not sure of just how expensive they are but if they worked makes you wonder if it would be worth investing in one ?
You can always come and chat with us on these dark evenings , you know you are always welcome
Thank you for your reply x
I bought a SAD lamp, or rather a lamp to fight SAD last Autumn. I think it may have helped get me thru' but it wasn't a severe Winter [not many mornings of having to smash the ice on my hens' water containers] and I made very sure of getting lots of VIT D. Extra benefit of VIT D - NO chilblains. The lamp, a standard type, was about £50-£60 from ebay, and gets used a lot for sewing & reading so well worth it. [standard with a 'swan' neck so v adjustable]. Definitely a good ebay buy! [Look for black Friday offers?]
I should take my vitamin D so that is a good reminder
Thank you for that information I bet we are all going to be popping on ebay now to have a look I know I will be x
Daylight Energy Saving 27W Floor Standing SAD Reading Lamp Light - try this in an ebay search, it looks like the same seller but half the price. grrrrr! You can also buy 'normal' looking bulbs to put in a domestic light holder.
Thanks again FairyfeetX
Half price sounds even better , I hope this that are interested come on and read your replies because sounds like a bargain for those that would like to try one x
Hello MollyStark
I don't think we have spoken before so nice to meet you
Well as I read your reply I thought I could have written that myself it is so how I feel to !
I am not a morning person as I say and now these dark nights are here I feel myself dipping in an evening to , I think it is worse when we need to get our anxiety under control during the morning because by the time we have we look out and within hours it is dark and we feel the day has gone before we have really started it !
The same here , I always used to have a fear of something bad happening at Christmas more than any other time of the year and I now have had several years to round about Christmas when something has happened or I have lost loved one's and I feel the same to , let Christmas come and go quick !
I tend to enjoy it after when I know everything is ok rather than the actual day !
But the sensible side of my brain as I put it knows it is nothing to do with Christmas why things have gone wrong and just life but when the anxiety takes over it can be hard to keep focused and not let the anxiety take over
If you ever want to chat and post or join in with the posts please come on and talk to us you are more than welcome and sometimes just getting things of your chest can help a little bit
Thank you for your reply x
Hi Lulu-1, it was great to read your reply. I have often thought of posting but honestly don't know where to start - I have so many issues and symptoms due to anxiety and panic. I have lived with anxiety for many years. The last few years have seen some scary moments for me (my husband being taken into hospital a few years ago two days before Christmas due to a nasty infection, having to call 999 a year ago when my husband collapsed in the bathroom - he is fine now - then my mum had a stroke at New Year but due to the ambulance taking nearly 2 hours to arrive she didn't get the treatment she need in time and had a further stroke which she died from a few weeks later. That time spent in hopsital with her was traumatic and coupled with some nasty trauma in previous years my anxiety tipped over into full blown, full on, 24-7 anxiety and panic disorder - boy that sounds so pathetic! I have been to the GP but medication didn't agree with me. I am currently concentrating on meditation. That really does help but I know I have a long way to go. I know I am a different person due to the anxiety and don't think I'll ever be the person I used to be but I hope one day to be a contended, calmer person at the very least.
Sorry to lay all that out! You sound like me in many ways too. I do try to stay positive. I have a good sense of humour which I believe has helped considerably in that sometimes I find myself having a smile and laugh at myself (in a kind way) for the things I do due to anxiety.
If I do get to that happy place one day, I would like to help others going through anxiety. I think those who have experienced it are the best to offer help to others.
Have to go - tescos delivery is here!
xx
Hello
Well for someone that did not know where to start this reply was brilliant , I hope you might post as others may not see this unless they come on this poll and we are a small group which if you feel a bit apprehensive even though I know you may not get as many replies as a larger Community it can feel more relaxed because it is a lovely small group of us and once we get to know each other we know just what each of us needs to help each other
You could copy and paste this and post it ( no pressure though )
O boy you have had a lot to contend with and don't give yourself a tough time because you are struggling , most would unless as we say they were as tough as nails !
I am glad your Husband is a lot better but sorry to hear about you loosing your Mum
I lost my Mum and Dad
We knew my Dad was dying but with my Mum no one knew there was anything wrong at all she was fine then she collapsed and the ambulance came there was a faint pulse but before they got to the hospital she was gone , she had a blood clot and that is what took her just like that , so I know the emotions and fear you have and still going through but time believe me is a great healer and it does get better , it is sort of working it all out how to deal with it and we all deal with it in different ways and here is no time limit to how long it takes
I know you feel you have lost yourself but what you feel you have lost is still there , just waiting while you heal and meantime I have found accepting myself how I am today really helps rather than looking for who I was , embracing the new you even if it is not what you want if you can accept it then it helps you to move on , slowly but you get there
Don't ever say you sound pathetic please , nothing you can say on here to people as you say have either had anxiety or are going through it would ever think anything you share is pathetic because we know how this feels and rightly so as you have said that is why it can work so well talking to each other because you can't see anxiety you can only feel it and unless you have you don't realise just how hard it can be to live with
Have you asked your Doctor about been referred for some therapy ? I think that would really benefit you
Yes I can see you have your sense of humour and totally am with you on that if you can hang on to it then it does help you get through , even your have to go Tesco shop is here made me laugh that sounds just like me I have a Tesco shop every week to 
I do hope you will feel you can join in with us on the Community and I will see you about on there x
Hi Lulu-1, thank you for taking the time to reply to me. Your kindness made me want to cry (in a good way I mean!) I am sorry to hear how you lost your parents, especially the sudden shock of your mum's passing. I remember thinking some months before my mum died (she was in good health, still went to keep fit every eek at 82!) that I know there's a possibility at her age she may fall ill in the coming years, but that I wasn't ready for it, I needed to get a handle on my anxiety before I could cope with that. But that's the way anxiety can make you think, anticipating things etc. Then of course, life happened as they say and out of the blue she was ill and then gone in a short time. I just wasn't ready for it - but with or without anxiety, who ever is?
Thank you for the suggestion of therapy. I may go back to my GP and ask about that as I know there is a therapist who visits the surgery weekly. I tried it briefly about 7 years ago after a terribly traumatic event where we used to live but the therapist - whilst a really lovely young lady - really didn't have a clue how evil some people can be and I don't think she realised how badly affected I'd been by the incident. But I do think I need to look at therapy now.
I have social anxiety due to hair loss and although I do go out to shops etc., I have to feel comfortable and some days I simply don't - even if I have my hat on. I don't know what I'd do without tescos - I don't drive (the thought of me with my level of anxiety at the steering wheel of a ton of steel, negotiating the busy roads whilst trying to read road signs and keep an eye on other drivers, well now that is laughable! ;-))
I think I will compose a post soon giving the lowdown on my anxiety. I have read so many brave and interesting stories from people on here and I do feel a sense of comfort knowing there are others like me - although I wish we were all well and not suffering in this way!
Thank you again for your kind words - I am sure you're quite busy being an Administrator so I am grateful you've helped me take a step towards getting involved in the Community here.
MollyStarkx
Hello
I know exactly what you are saying
My Dad had had ill health heart troubles and we always thought we would loose him first , and this may sound awful but he was never very good with me and I was close to my Mum and like you she was my rock especially when it came to my anxiety , and shock she died at just 65 so you can imagine , my Dad was nearly 77 when he died and no you are never ready for it especially your Mum if you are lucky enough to have a close bond but you know rather than think we have lost them someone said imagine they are just in another room for now till one day you will meet again I quite liked that thought as well as knowing and remembering what your Mum would be saying to you now , I sometimes sit quite and close my eyes and imagine what her words of comfort and advise would be as well as encouragement
Same here don't drive well maybe the husband would disagree and say I drive him up the wall but no I would be no good driving a car , I would be a disaster and so that is where Tesco comes in as well as I have agoraphobia so it comes in even more , thank goodness for on line shopping !
I am so sorry to hear about you loosing your hair , I can imagine how this will have knocked your confidence , is it stress related ?
But somehow and this is where I think therapy would be great as well we have to get that confidence back up because hair or no hair , slim or plump , flaws on our face or whatever it is we are all beautiful you know and I am sure you are and when you make yourself up I bet know one even takes any notice but it is getting you to believe that and we will we will get there 
Your husband loves you just the same , that is all that matters as well as you learning to love yourself to
There are all different kinds of therapy , it would be good if you could ask your Doctor to be referred to your local Mental Health Team , now don't let that title put you of I know it used to with me but what they do is assess you and then between you as there are all kinds of different therapies decide which one will benefit you most
Now you have started chatting on here stick with us ,post or join in some of our post we have done , even the light heart ones we do can be fun to have a little laugh , you have friends here and we will hold your hand when you need it so you don't have to be alone x
Hi Lulu-1, I won't take up much more of your time but thank you so much for your advice and helpful words. I just wanted to say how familiar some of what you said sounds; my dad was also ill for some years (COPD) but my mum was fine. I wasn't close to my dad, definitely closer to my mum.
I'm sorry to hear you have agoraphobia. Do you stay in your home or do you go out in the garden, or are you okay if you're in a car travelling from one place to another? My garden is my sanctuary from anxiety. Even at this time of year, as long as I can get out on a day like today in the sunshine then it always lifts my spirits a bit - even though I don't make a dent in the weeds!
I don't know if my hair loss is stress related, not originally anyway, it most likely is now though. It first started to happen in my late 20s and then the loss slowed down but it never regrew and since then although I don't lose it noticeably I don't get any new growth so it continues to thin. It's also very fragile and I have sensitive skin so can't have any treatments of any kind. As a woman it is completely soul destroying. Although I'd had some 'life traumas' prior to the hair loss there is no doubt that anxiety really took off at the point of the hair loss - and never really went away only to increase all these years later.
Anyway, enough of me! So glad to have made contact, I won't keep you, I am going outside to sweep some leaves - don't laugh but I find sweeping very therapeutic; wonder if there's a career in it..!
MollyStark x
Hang on here , are you sure you are not not my twin
I am garden potty ! never out of it I have y husband out there now doing me up 2 planters and I am of to pick up the leaves to in a minute before it goes dark
I have ocd to so it is even hard going out in a car because the ocd says Germs every where !
Its ok though I chip away at it and try and that is all we can ask of ourselves is to try
I know how soul destroying it must be about your hair I have problems with cholesterol deposits on my eyes , bad luck apparently if they appear there and I will not be seen without make up on , and I already have what they call dry eyes and I am sure wearing make up every day does not help but like you I am a woman and the first thing someone looks at is your eyes so I have a good idea how you are feeling but you know I do think it is more me because no one has ever stared or commented but I know and that's the point
Please excuse me if I say the wrong thing I would be devastated if I did as I know this is a delicate subject but have you thought about a wig ?
There are so many out there that don't even look like wigs it is just a thought , like I cover my eyes with makeup , as well as hats a scarves something like a wig ?
I watched a program the other day it was about Jewish wifes I think , but they wear wigs all the time only their husbands can see their real hair , and do you know I would have never known they were wigs I thought it was their own hair because I was sat admiring it !
It is not easy I know but don't let your hair define who you are there is so much more about you than hair , look at all the rest of you that is beautiful and yes the inside that is the most important part of a person their personality , kind heart that is what a beautiful person has and I feel you have those in abundance
You will get there , one step at a time , you have started talking to me , you may take the next step and go on the site and talk , the next step the doctors and so on till all these little steps will be big strides ,you never know we have a member at the moment that has gone from little steps to now she is running I can hardly keep up with her and that could be you to in the future
Right leaf picking here I come
Talk soon x
I am a bit like FairyfeetX I don't like driving in the dark ~I'm fine on well lit roads but struggle when there are no street lights. I live in a rural area so can be a problem . It's not so much the dark night's that bother me as the dark mornings ~getting up in the dark is just not natural.Think we should all be able to hibernate from November til late February.But guess with all the sad things that are going on in the world ~I need to give thanks for what I've got😊x
Hello Hidden
Well I don't drive but I know if I did I would not like driving in the dark , I think this affects lot's of people
I am lucky I don't have to have early mornings so don't notice it as much but I do know what you mean because I feel the same at 4 in the afternoon thinking this is not right it is not night time yet and it does feel like the days are so short
I agree with you and we should be grateful as there are so many worse of but it is like I always say we can only feel our own pain if we are down , we can feel for others but it does not take away how we feel , but when we can counting are blessings can be a good thing , having Communities like this where we can talk and make new friends is one we can be grateful for
Thank You for your reply
The dark nights for sure. I love christmas so that doesnt affect my anxiety.
Hello Cwoods
You cope with Christmas , wow well done you , I need some tips on how you do it
The dark nights get me down as well making the days seem so short
I hope you are as well as can be and coping ok , you know where we are if you need to talk
Thank you for your reply x
I guess because i love shopping and for the first time i got a christmas tree just for my kids so im excited about that and the looks on their face when they open their gifts so xmas time for me is fun.
Hello
I am so happy to read your reply
Was the bit where you said you were able to get the kids a Christmas tree for the first time and the smile on their faces
Reminded me when my kids were young and I think that is when Christmas was the best to me it is all about the kids
I really hope that you and your wonderful children have the best Christmas ever you so deserve it x
Thank you u deserve one too muah!
I’m a bit of a mixture on this one - typical Liberty style 😊. I love winter. I love being able to wrap up, big woolly knits and scarves - I feel like they’re a bit of a protection and I can hide myself. I also really enjoy Christmas as I feel it brings everyone closer. You can say merry Christmas to someone and they will always wish it back to you whereas if I walked down the street and said hello to someone they would think I should be locked up. I always really enjoy the giving aspect, around Christmas I always try and give back, whether that’s to homeless people or children that maybe won’t get presents. I feel it’s so important. Although I understand for some it can be hard as everyone’s situation is different and I do feel anxious about that when I feel so warm so will reflect on that.
Whereas the dark nights I hate them!! I go to work in the dark and leave in the dark. It makes me so worried and I feel like I go into a black hole and just can’t wait for the summer months.
In summary I’m a bit of a mixture as I love autumn/winter as I love the colours and cold but I hate the dark nights 😊x
Hello Liberty
Well you can only reply Liberty style it would not be you if not
I can relate to your reply
Last year I made two homeless boxes up and we send it to what is called a show box appeal where I live and I filled them with everything I could think of and they were the two best presents I felt I had ever given hoping they would bring some kind of comfort to someone that was on the streets
I have a very small family now and there has been family feuds so I really feel it at Christmas but when I was sending those two boxes it made me grateful because I thought who ever receives these are alone and no roof over their heads where as I do have a home and I am not alone and it helped with the upset that has divided my family
I can imagine that must be quite depressing leaving home in the dark and coming home in the dark and I think this seems to affect most of us from the replies , I wish I had done this as a post now and not a poll as it has got us all talking and some good feedback in all the replies that unless people come on the poll they won't see but maybe someone will do a post at some stage where we can get talking like we have on this poll
I hope you are well and thank you for your reply x
Hi - It has been nice to find this group and read some of your comments about what makes things worse for your anxiety. At this time of year I just miss my family ALOT (they live in Aust, I moved here to London and met a man....) I am suffering from depression & anxiety, rather severe these days.
To be honest I was dealing with it all mostly well until a few things escalated it a number of years ago and it has simply gotten worse ever since! Now, I suffer from IBS as well and a number of other 'un-explainable' illnesses. I decided I would tell my GP about the 'anxiety' 2 years ago - actually it came up when I was trying to explain to her how bad my migraine pain was (I started having bad migraines as well). She listened, nicely, advised on some online / face-to-face groups I could visit then noted in my records that I suffer from 'Anxiety States'.
Ever since then, each time I visit a Dr at the Practise they read my file, read that I suffer form anxiety and it almost feels like they all start to put all of my symptoms to 'being in my head'. Anything I bring up like having a pain, a discomfort in my wrist or funny headaches which come and go in a matter of seconds (nothing like migraines) - they all listen very nicely, then say something along the lines of "well when we have a lot going on in our minds it is all bound to manifest itself in physical ways".
I am tired of hearing them tell me my pains/aches/illnesses are all in my head. I want to be more positive about the Dr's here but I can't seem to find any which are willing to advise on the pains they can see and those which they cannot.
Hello & Welcome SnazzyMe
I can only imagine how much you miss your family to leave them behind and all you have known to live somewhere else is a massive ordeal , I hope the man you met has been worth it
Have you managed to make any new friends and bonds with people in the UK ?
No one can replace family but good friends can come very close to doing so , in fact we have a saying
"You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends "
And I hope you have managed to do that as well as know that you will always have a friend and a listening ear now you have found this Community
I also hope that there are times when you get to go home and see your family or maybe they come here to visit you , it can be so good and keep us going to have something to look forward to
Now your other issue your Doctors
Been there and I know exactly how you feel and I like you also think the same thing , easy way out just blame the fact that I have anxiety !
Then after I had had as much as I could take of hearing that said to me , I thought wait a minute , if I bought something out of a shop for instance and I was not satisfied I would speak up so if I am not satisfied with what the Doctor is telling e then why am I not speaking up , they get paid to treat patients they do not see us for free !
So the next time I went I politely when it was brought up it was my anxiety said
I appreciate that anxiety can cause a lot of issues and some of the symptoms I have described but I believe that not everything that I come with is down to my anxiety and am feeling frustrated that now I have been diagnosed with anxiety no matter what I come with I just get told it will be due to anxiety !
I even said half they time you never even examine me to check there is nothing there !
Well they did look a little shocked but it seem to do the trick
Now they do examine me , on an odd occasion they have referred me to get certain things checked out and yes I agree most of the time it is down to my anxiety but the fact I get piece of mind knowing they have looked into whatever I am complaining about rather than just been made to feel dismissed really does help !
Next time you have to go maybe try putting it to them that you are not saying they are wrong but nether the less this has now been going on how ever long so would they just check you over as you feel from the day you were told you had anxiety any health issues you have seem to now be dismissed and this is not helping you at all , you have a right to speak out and tell them and sometimes they need telling
Are you getting any other help like medication for your anxiety ?
Did you find the stuff they told you to do on line etc helped at all because now you have giving that a go you could ask if they would refer you for one to one Counselling / therapy
It can be good and a relief to know you are not alone and I hope you will feel you can post and join in the other posts on the Community ( even though we are a small group ) and this will help even in a small way to know people understand and you have someone you can talk to x
Hello Hidden , Thank you for your response!! And I am very slow in my response, apologies.
Indeed it has been difficult, especially recently. It wasn't so bad the first couple of years as I had my work and passion for travel to keep me busy in Europe, and as long as one is happy your family knows that and they don't hassle you to come back home!
It is rather tricky, he IS worth it however his situation has been very tiring. Long story, for another post.
Love this = "You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends "
Thank you for your kind words.
Oh those Doctors! Driving me up the wall, but I really felt like this year was madness with all of the different visits I had. I have managed to get them to refer me on a couple of occasions, after persisting as you say we need to do.... they only seem to be happy when I use my medical insurance tho. It is a bit sad to think that they cannot refer me to a specialist and then see me back again should that not resolve the issue. The latest, and you may get a laugh out of this is that I have been told that the GP cannot (does not have the authority to) write me a CT scan / MRI request, and only a physiotherapist could. So, for the shooting pains and throbbing pains I have been getting in my head and on my scalp, I have been given a referral to see a physio!!!!
I have been refusing to take more pills to be honest, the latest script I am about to start are steroids for inflammation. I refuse to take more medication for my anxiety too.
I have very recently started a talking therapy, where I have some reading to do ahead of my next appointment, will keep you posted o how it goes.
Thank you so much for having this group and a lovely community to talk with and even laugh with (like some of the funny posts of late!)
Hello
Don't worry about late responses
Well I am slightly lost for words with what your Doctor has referred you for regarding the pains you are having , I am glad you can see the funny side as sometimes trying to hang on to our sense of humour helps gets us through !
If it helps any to know these strange things don't just happen to you some years ago I went to see someone about my anxiety and they had me singing nursery rhymes with them ! well I never went back again , I was not sure if they needed more help than me to be honest
We are hear to listen any time so please pop on , do a post , join in a post whenever you feel like it you will always be welcomed x
Thank you Hidden !! You've made me smile and laugh today
Nursery rhymes...? Maybe I can make more money offering those services to people. HAH
Have a lovely day and an amazing week all
Well I laughed after but at the time I was sat there thinking what on earth have I got here
Hope you have a lovely day to x
Like you said, we all need a sense of humour to get through some things.
I have m second talking therapies today actually and I am dreading it. Fingers crossed.
Hello again
Yes I know about dreading this therapy , I am not sure why we do as such as I always say it can only help and if it doesn't we have lost nothing
Maybe it is because we have to open up and that alone makes us anxious , but remember they know what they are doing , they have spent years training , they have heard it all before so nothing you say will phase them but could help you by talking it through
Good luck with the session , I am sure you will be fine x
Thank you!!!!! x
For me, it's the increased number of obligations during the holiday season that make me panic. I get exhausted when I've been around big groups of people for too long. I also tend to have panic attacks when I'm around new people, new places or in loud environments. Since I tend to avoid big parties, I really only had issues with going back and forth between my and my husband's family homes. I hate disappointing people so any time we were invited over I feel obligated to say, "Sure!" when on the inside I am screaming, "I just want to stay home!". A recent development in my anxiety is my inability to eat in public. I get terribly nauseated and, this year, even sat at the Christmas dinner table with nothing on my plate. It was humiliating. I'm glad it's all over but feel that I'm still recovering. But, no time. Back to work as usual...
Hello
It is good to see posts that were done a while ago still get read
I understand those feelings very well especially the screaming inside yet on the outside trying to look and act normal
I have found over the years just been honest about how I really am and how I struggle and feel has helped me so much more than trying to pretend as well as adopting the attitude that people that care will accept and try and support me and if they don't well I don't really need them in my life , I hope you are managing to be able to tell loved one's how you really struggle and you get their support
You did well though you got through Christmas even though it was hard for you which shows an inner strength that I think we don't believe we have but we do
Take things at your own pace ,making small changes as you do and things will slowly get better but please never feel humiliated because you suffer with anxiety , if you suffered with any other illness you would not feel that way and this is no different
Take Care x