Deformed skull size/shape due to mild... - Living Positively...

Living Positively with Cerebral Palsy

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Deformed skull size/shape due to mild cerebral palsy hemiplegia. (Occipital Bun, Protusion, External Occipital Protusion) Male 22

Deformedskull99 profile image
6 Replies

Hello I am currently 22 years old. I have always had a very large head and have being teased about it mostly light heartily my entire life. I was born premature with mild cerebral palsy hemiplegia in my left side which I believe affected my skull shape/development from birth.

I was always severely overweight most my life but in the past year or so I've made a solid effort to lose weight which I have been happy with my progress personally.

As a result of this I have become much more aware of my appearance and I feel that my skull size especially from a side profile on my left side is completely disgusting I don't know what's wrong with me. I've noticed ever since I was about 15 I had a bony bump on the back of my skull which I think is an occipital bun/external occipital protrusion. However I did not know how prominent it looked on one side of my skull especially from a side profile.

I've finally started to feel some confidence in my appearance and I've noticed this. I'm also experiencing male pattern baldness/alopecia on the sides of my head. Due to genetics and stress I'm currently prescribed finnasteride starting n December 2021

My skull is a major deformity and I don't think I'll ever be happy with how I look due to my deformed skull shape no matter what I do I can't fix my deformed skull.

I just want a clear identification of what exactly is wrong with me and if there is anything I can do to resolve it. I've thought of going to my GP but I don't think I'll be taking seriously complaining about a deformed occipital.

I've been very down and depressed lately due to this situation as its not something I feel is fixable I'll be a freak forever.

I apologise if the photo provided is poor or harsh on your eyes.

6 Replies
Madlegs1 profile image
Madlegs1

I can appreciate your feelings and fears about your appearance.

From the photos you've posted I, personally, can see nothing extraordinary.

I know that we see ourselves very harshly, and magnify any perceived so called deformities out of all sense.

Please don't be hard on yourself unnecessarily.

I know it is trite to say there are people much worse off than you ,but it is so true.

Check out Joanne O'Riordan.

Please see a doctor about you depression-- that is your most pressing concern.

You seem like a very positive guy - (you have taken major steps to change ,) and I'm feeling this is a small hiccup in your life's journey.

I'm hoping you can get a handle on this and get on with your life.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

All the very best.👍

Deformedskull99 profile image
Deformedskull99 in reply to Madlegs1

Thank you very much for your kind words and reply. I understand we individually are often our own worst critics and tend to magnify perceived faults or inadequacies.

I have discussed my own insecurities regarding my head shape with a few friends/family members who have been encouraging and told me that it isn't something they previously noticed however, I always have this nagging feeling they are just telling me what I want to hear, especially as it isn't something I can realistically change or work towards fixing.

I have always had self confidence issues as a result of my Cerebral Palsy it is mild however and affects my gait/balance. It's prominent enough to be noticeable to others but not prominent enough for me to require equipment such as a cane, walker or walking stick etc. I often feel that in public I stand out a lot due to my irregular gait/limp.

These feelings of me "Standing out in a crowd" combined with my feelings regarding the physical appearance of my head have combined to create a cycle where I feel I am noticed for my poor movement then judged for my deformed head.

I appreciate your concern regarding my depression I am however not considering suicide/self harm or anything to that effect. This situation combined with other problems, social, economic and familial. Have me feeling a bit blue the past year. I am often self critical or self deprecating in general as a defence mechanism so I can understand if my wording makes my outlook seem worse than intended.

Madlegs1 profile image
Madlegs1 in reply to Deformedskull99

That was quick!

I appreciate your answer and do understand! (See my previous correspondence on this site , regarding my grandson. He has the weak legs and arm difficulties, but an incredible personality, which I'm hoping will get him through his particular journey.

Do research self empowerment techniques, check out that girl on YouTube and maybe look at Buddhist philosophy ( which has helped me personally in a major way.)

You have shown yourself to be strong, you have good friends and family.

You can get through this.

I have to go do my Vat returns now or I'll be hauled off to prison-- and I'll miss my phone in there!!🥴🙄

🧘

Cheers.

Oh--- and change your name-- you do NOT have a deformed skull. Maybe unusual, even unique-- but it is yours and you can be proud of it.

spzgirl51 profile image
spzgirl51

Hello Deformedskull99 I can't see anything disturbing in your appearance. I thought how nice you looked?

I too say change your name!

Focus on the positive.

We are all unique , wonderful, and normal. Self perception can be a demon,? Look at it. Say I see you and let it go?

I have a form of cerebral palsy too. It can cast a shadow but is only one small speck of the special things that make you you?

Best wishes xx

Bongo64 profile image
Bongo64

Hi Normalskull, nobody has a completely uniform round shaped skull, and they'd probably look mighty odd if they did! I think your family are right, and you should believe them when they say they haven't noticed anything, because your head really does look very normal in your pictures. The idea that it is abnormal is very much within you, and your descriptions of yourself are very negative, so I strongly agree with Madlegs2 that your self-esteem has sunk you into a depressed state and you need to get that fixed in order to appreciate the good things you are achieving. I'm quite wonky when I get going, but I never worried about what other people thought about it because it is their problem, not mine. It is my superpower!Go see your GP and ask for some CBT or counselling; it will help. (sorry, that sounds a bit bossy, but I'm that too when I get going!!) Good luck x

Deformedskull99 profile image
Deformedskull99 in reply to Bongo64

Thank you very much for your kind words and the recommendation of some CBT counselling I'm planning on visiting my GP about this issue as a way to get some advice regarding treatment for my problems physically/mentally/emotionally.