Worried

[Sugarplum1811]

Hi there,

I don’t mean to write this post to be insensitive to those who suffer from this or have been affected, I’m just in a state of pure panic right now. I am truly very sorry if I offend anyone and would like to wish you all the very best. I have just become so worried and anxious, I just don’t know where to turn to.

For a number of months I’ve been experiencing weird symptoms on and off now that are similar to those of blood cancer. I get joint/bone pain, always feeling tired, swollen lymph node in my neck (since gone down), recurrent infections like sore throat and thrush, easy bruising, excessive sweating especially at night, constantly feeling nauseous, petechiae on my face. The only thing is that I’ve not had any weight loss. I am worried sick that I may have the c word and I am lost as to what to do.

I’ve had multiple blood tests, FBC with the first time showing WBC count borderline but the other 2 repeats were normal. All my other blood tests have come back normal as well as CRP. I am just so scared as I do suffer from health anxiety and I am only 19 years old.

All the symptoms seem to line up with blood cancer and I am scared I may have leukaemia or myeloma or just anything to do with cancer! I’m bed bound with fear and anxiety.

If anyone has any advice on what step to take next with my GP or reassurance. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[2003UK Champion]

Hi Sugarplum, unfortunately we are not medical experts here, but what I am is getting to know is what works for me at medical appointments. Firstly, I walk in the door and all the questions I was going to ask I seem to forget, especially if I am worried, scared and anxious so I now write down a list of my questions, fears, thoughts, feelings and symptoms. The problem with blood cancers are that the symptoms are often very general and not specific to the conditions. I find it helps me to also ask that follow on question and to write down responses. Sometimes I even ask someone to come with me to note take. You say you suffer from health anxiety which must be horrible so for me I find that me and my head are not good together sometimes and I, personally, have found that specific counselling has really helped me with anxiety and your GP might be able to help you with this. At 19yrs old being bed bound with fear and anxiety is, I would have thought, no life and, for me, it would just be leaving me with my head whizzing round and round compounding my worries and anxiety. A bit of fresh air, gentle exercise, music and interacting with nature and people really helps me. Take lots of care of yourself, treat yourself, you are worth it.

[Sugarplum1811 in reply to 2003UK]

Hi there 2003UK,

Thank you very much for your response. I really appreciate your advice and will be sure to write every concern I have so the doctors will hopefully be able to reassure me. I can definitely agree that anxiety is a huge issue for me and has made this whole ordeal much worse, I generally always tend to think the worst possible outcome. I have looked into counselling but the wait is 6 months for an appointment! Nevertheless I have made an appointment therefore will be attending sometime in the near future. Thank you again for your reply and I wish you all the best, take care x

[2003UK Champion in reply to Sugarplum1811]

Wow, Sugarplum, I think you are really brave and I admire you having the courage to not be put off by the 6mth wait and to put yourself on the counselling list. Your GP might be able to help further. Mind.org.uk give quite a lot of useful information on their website. Take lots of care of yourself and I love your name.

[pigeonCl-HU]

None of the members of the Leukaemia CARE club really wants to belong to this club.....

At the moment the cancer is only in your imagination.

You have not been diagnosed with any kind of cancer, you should listen to your GP and get help for your anxiety.

And to be absolutely frank with you? Yes I do find your long apologetic introduction really irritating!

All this talk about "this horrible disease" and "this awful illness", is insensitive and irritating.

Lucky you, you ain't got it, so go out and enjoy your life.

[Sugarplum1811 in reply to pigeonCl-HU]

Hi there,

Thank you for your response. I completely agree with you by saying right now, it’s all my imagination. Sometimes, when my anxiety reaches such a peak, it’s hard to calm myself down and I was in such a panic mode when writing this post. I have since calmed down but anxiety is just a vicious cycle! I have reached out for help and contacted the well-being service a while ago for my anxiety yet the wait for counselling is 6 months! I very much appreciate your honesty and I am sorry that you felt that way about my introduction. I guess it did the opposite of what I intended. I don’t mean to be insensitive or irritating. I’ve just seen so many close ones go through it and how it affects others around them and that’s what scares me so much. Thank you again for your reply, wishing you all the best. Take care x

[pigeonCl-HU in reply to Sugarplum1811]

Yes, anxiety can be extremely debilitating.

Mainly, because it is born in our Mind, in our Brain, and our brain is a very powerful task master.

This is where the following sayings come from: "self-fulfilling prophecy" or "repeat it long enough, and you will make it happen"

It is our brain pulling the strings!

I believe you did not mean to offend.

But just remember that there are people out here who are actually living the nightmare of Cancer, to them the nightmare is real.

Yet they get on with their lives the best they can, and they certainly need no reminder of how Bad it is.

I understand that you are scared; you therefore did the right thing by booking a counselling appointment.

And while you are waiting for that appointment, you may like to visit forums, here and elsewhere, that deal with anxiety issues.

People who suffer with health anxiety will understand and sympathize with you. You will find support and help there.

There is one more thing I would like to add: * STRESS*.

Stress should never be trivialized.

It is a powerful trigger for anxiety, and for a whole host of ailments.

Only you are able to judge how and where you can reduce the stress in your life; even though it may not be easy, it is doable.

Even reducing it by a little bit only, you will gain relief, and with it the extra bonus of reduced anxiety.

pigeon.

[NicoleLeukaemiaCare Administrator]

Hi there Sugarplum.

Health anxiety can be crippling but its good you're acknowledging this.

Have you told your GP that you worry that it is a blood cancer? This might be a good point to start off with.

Don't forget however that leukaemia has symptoms that are very similar to very common illnesses - even a cold. If you go into the conversation clearly explaining why you think it's cancer, it might start a meaningful conversation with the GP.

Hope this helps

[Scream-N-kick]

I’d ask for a hiv test... similar symptoms , I have hiv . I also have Cml with the same symptoms , hiv isn’t something to be scared about, I’m undetectable and doing well (except the Cml).

[Sugarplum1811 in reply to Scream-N-kick]

Hi, I’ve been tested for HIV multiples times and all times has come back normal, thank you for your suggestion though. It turned out to be a recurring yeast infection which I’ve resolved now. Hope you are doing well, great to hear you’re undetectable! Take care x

[Scream-N-kick]

Thanks for the quick response, I hope you feel well as can be.

I’ve had hiv for over 10 years and it doesn’t affect me in any way. Though I did get an aids related viral infection in my brain that acted like a stroke, that was tough to get over.

Now I have cml to beat, even knocking it down a couple of times will do me.