I'm in a really bad place right now. I've been so down lately. I've been really struggling to concentrate or motivate myself at work and at home.
I'm sat here and I know I should go to bed but I just don't want to sleep. I just tried to cut myself but the only knife I own is too blunt. It's 4 years since I last cut myself!
I know I need help, but I don't want to go to my doctor. Last year since none of the treatments were working, she suggested this was just my personality. If my personality really is suicidal, I can't stand to hear it. That means it won't get better!
I was going to call Samaritans but the idea of even saying a word right now is nauseating. I just want to sit here in the dark in silence.
I don't know what to do!