If I can acknowledge, does that mean I'm 'ok'?...am I ok? Can I be ok?

I have become so comfortable with the feeling of acceptance towards the fact that I will never feel happy like others seem. I'm comforted by my thoughts that I should kill myself. It's like my only escape. How many years can you try to control that desire before admitting defeat? It's exhausting, trying to hold things down and fight it. Do I need help? Or has fate been sending me on this path because I should not be here? Logical or illogical ?

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  • It may feel acceptable, I have suffered with depression since I was a teenager, have never made any attempts to kill myself and don't plan to. There's lots of help out there believe me and not just meds, but if need that, then so be it to. At least u know something is wrong and your not in the right state of mind, admitting it can be one of the hardest things to do. Talking to someone is great, finding a hobby, even joining a self help group...meditation. Life is a struggle, I always feel that way and there everyday will not be perfect, life is sooo hard sometimes. It's not an escape, it's a coward's way out and a way of saying I can't or won't get help...please take care of yourself and start now. I am here for you, talk to me me anytime, it helps me alot also. I wish u all the best, and you will be okay, take it day by day, and learn to take deep breaths sometimes...u got to want to help yourself....God bless

  • hi!

    I have been there... on and off, for many many years. I was just a teen when I started to think the same things as you think now. I am 30 now. I never went for help until 2 months ago, as in my culture (I'm Italian) depression is not considered serious or worth caring about.

    But believe me, as soon as you seek for some help your life gets better. that is what happened to me.

    I have read a lot about feeling blue. what can cause it, how to try to treat it or try to manage it and gradually get better

    buy a diary, and every day write down 3 happy things: something you look forward to, or somebody that made you smile, or something you did that made you feel good. that kind of things

    exercise: the lazier the worse. when you exercise something in your brain happens that makes you happy and satisfied, and it makes you forget about everything!

    food: banana and chocolate are meant to make you happier, but in general a colorful diet makes your body happy. Fruit and vegetables should always be there, and if you try to make an effort to prepare your meal nicely and nicely presented as well you will feel valued.

    and as well, as much as it seems difficult, you need to start thinking what is it that really upsets you. is it your partner? your job? (sorry I can't think of other things)... when you will know the answer you will know what to do as well. nothing or nobody have the right to upset you.

    I handed my notice at work today. I felt amazing for the first time in 2 years. so that is what I needed to kick off my life, I guess.

    I am no expert, but I really wish to help, as I don't want other people to feel like I have felt in the past. it is horrible. these are some of the things I am doing to feel better. Let me know about your progress and if you want to ask more just do, here people write to help each other, to support in a journey that is easier to face together with other people that care.

  • Hi

    Well, it may sound hard to hear but no one can stop you fom killing yourself if you decide to do that, but I hope you don't because it would be a waste of the potential you have.

    It sounds as though for a long time you have been really unhappy. Do you have any idea what that's about, when it started, or does it seem like you've always felt that way?

    I'm just thinking about some of the lovely things in the world, like the sunshine, and flowers, and seeing a child laughing, and wonder whether you can feel any positive response to such things or whether you are unhappy all the time. If you are then it would be worth seeing your GP as you may have a chemical imbalance that causes you to be unable to feel happiness in the way other people do.

    If you do sometimes feel happy in response to things around you then maybe there is a reason why you repeatedly lose the happy feelings?

    Sue

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