I have become so comfortable with the feeling of acceptance towards the fact that I will never feel happy like others seem. I'm comforted by my thoughts that I should kill myself. It's like my only escape. How many years can you try to control that desire before admitting defeat? It's exhausting, trying to hold things down and fight it. Do I need help? Or has fate been sending me on this path because I should not be here? Logical or illogical ?