A little advice...

Hi,

I'm really just looking for a little advice. I have recently started dating this guy. He's 32 and has separated from his wife for about 8 or 9 months.

Basically everything was going great, but it was his wedding anniversary last week and he is a very emotional guy and he's suddenly started acting differently, not really talking, not eating properly, crying a lot, just generally not acting 'himself'.

From everything I've been looking at online the way he has been acting makes me believe that he could be depressed. He suddenly broke up with me saying he's not in a good place at the moment and doesn't want me to have to 'put up' with him when he's like this.

And please believe me this post is not me being upset that he's effectively broken up with me (whilst I am upset) This post is more about concern and wanting to know how to help him.

So what I am looking for is a bit of help and advice on what I can do to support him. I promise you all this is NOT about what I can do so we can get back together I just don't like seeing him like this and really want to try and help work through this with him.

Has anyone ever dated anyone with depression? I'm just not sure what to do to help him. I text him every now and again (I try not to message him all teh time as I dont to annoy him) I basically just let him know that I am here for him if he wants to talk and if he needs anything then he can call me - he does always respond I am just wondering of there is anything else I can do

Thanks

[Chloelouise1805]

Hello,

please don't feel you are alone, I have. when i was 15. I fell in love with this guy and he was what I thought to be the most incredible person ever. Not to say he isn't now but we aren't together for reasons of our own and have gone our separate ways. We had recently split much to my disapproval back in December 2016. His depression was something I tried to be there for as much as possible without being the cause. I was lucky because I was as far as he would tell me other than his passion for music the only thing to keep him happy. I tried to help him in many different ways possible and I tried doing exactly what you did. I read all of the online articles and spent hours trying different things.

If there is anything I have learnt is that. sometimes the best thing to do is to give them space. I know its difficult because you hate seeing them like this but honestly its sometimes the best thing. I think that messaging him every now and again to know you are thinking of him a good idea as he knows that you are still there for him. I used to text my ex and ask him if there is anything I can do to help him. Occasionally he would ask me to come over and give him cuddles. Sometimes he would want that space alone to process everything. Time is probably one of the best things you can do. I am currently in a situation where I suffer with days that I prefer to just lay in bed and cry. Because my ex told me the best thing to do was comfort me and send me off to sleep. It really does depend on the person. Maybe a start would be just to message him maybe one morning and be like "Hey, hope you are okay?, need anything ? " or "anything I can do to help?". Maybe try taking their mind off of things and take them somewhere they enjoy or do something they like. My ex used to love music so i used to sing with him whilst he played the guitar. It took a lot to get to him to pick up the guitar but I knew he wanted to do it because of how much he loved it. Helping people create new memories is one of the best things you can do for times like that.

Keep me Posted

Chloe

an Online Friend

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I think there is a difference between depression and being sad due to a legitimate source of the emotion. If you have a reason to be sad, like separation, death in family, lost job, etc. it's not really depression. It sounds like he is sad and there is a cause so it might not be depression at all. This is just normal emotion. My advice is not to worry and move on.