Bored of life, no energy or will to do anything.

[kidtrynalearn]

Hi, the past 2 years or so I've been going through some really tough times and at many points I just wanted to leave and never come back. I have not yet been diagnosed with anxiety or depression or anything as I have not been to the doctor about this (I'm only a young teenager) but I'm 100% sure I have depression/anxiety. I don't talk at social gatherings because I'm scared of how I will sound and I only go to these events because I have nothing better to do and I feel left out if I don't go. I don't go to these events with my old friends anymore because they've turned on me and I'm clever enough to realise that I'm much better than them, they just treated me like shit all the time and used me. I wake up every single day with no motivation to do anything and whenever I feel like I want to get up and do something I most likely don't end up doing it and I don't know why. Is it laziness? Depression? That's what I want to figure out. I want to be happy but it just seems impossible. My ex also lead on me for a long time and now that I've found out she was cheating on me with one of my friends I've been in a mega shit mood and I simply just don't talk to anyone and I sit there wondering what my life is. I feel like the whole world is against me and all the bad people get what they want and I feel like I deserve what they have. I basically have no friendships or relationships since I'm deemed as awkward but all I do is be nice to people and It just back fires? Growing up was a hard time for me also because I'm mixed race and my parents come from two completely different cultures and I was never really disciplined or raised right and my dad says I have no respect but I can understand where he's coming from since we do have communication issues even after living with him my whole life (14 years). I started smoking weed daily because of the crowd I was in and to be honest, I wouldn't recommend it, it just made a whole lot dumber and distracted which is always the opposite of what I wanted, I do alright at school and all but I often day dream and many people think I have ADHD too which could be possible. I feel like no one understands what I go through daily and now It's the summer holidays and I'm sitting at home doing nothing and acting upset because nothing else is fun to me anymore. I really miss being able to come home from school, have fun conversations with friends I don't talk to anymore, playing video games, sports and all that fun stuff and I did keep a balance. I still do sports even with smoking sometimes (I've cut down and I am quitting now) but sports doesn't give me that "buzz" anymore. Nothing does anymore TBH. I'm just dying to have fun again. For my age I would say I'm very grown up and mature as I do get along with adults and older teens, and I can't really relate to anyone else my age or at my school or anywhere really since I'm different in a way, no one bothers to hold a conversation when all I try to be is friendly. I'm sorry if this really hard to understand and read this is my first time doing this but I would appreciate it so much if anyone could take their time to read this and reply. Thank you.

[Chloelouise1805]

Hello,

First off I am a random person with no connection to you and you seem like a really nice person who has just been hurt to many times. I have been exactly where you have been. I had a previous relationship we spent 24/7 together and that was it. I lost all of my friends and I didn't have anyone accept him. Recently he left me for reasons I am not happy with alone. Most of my mates weren't happy I was with him and chose to leave me. However I thought he was the one. A lot of the time now I have mates but they never speak to me or contact me and the only time I ever talk to them is when they randomly pop up cause they are bored. I recently made friends with someone and they were my closest. we would all go out drinking I would go over hers and hang out and I had someone to see. Now however that doesn't happen since she has left to go to wales to live with her family. so I'm now on my own alone down here. I don't have anything to do in my spare time and I feel like I'm constantly waiting for someone to talk to me.

But I'm always here if you do want to chat. We don't have to share anything just talk

Hope to hear from you soon

Chloe

An Online Friend

[KrisBerri in reply to Chloelouise1805]

I don't wanna intrude or anything, but what a beautiful way to help another soul in need. I also extend an invitation of friendship and talking with you. I hope you see this sometime, the world is too big to be alone in, but I also know it's an easy place to become alone.