24/7 fight to beat my mental illness

my names Corina I am 19 years old ill be 20 in a August 2017

I have been battling depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder and low mood for as long as I can remember, I first noticed how sad I actually was when I was 07 years old I was that loner in school who always had no one and no support system my parents were always to busy with my little brother and his sports I have pretty much been on my own since I was little.

within the year 2016 I have been admitted to the hospital a total of 08 times for suicide attempt. I have never received help they always admit me I stay for two hours then I'm discharged I feel like I need help because everyday its getting worse and worse I cant think straight I cant leave my house without a panic attack and thinking of driving my car of a bridge or thinking of what way I can end it all.

some days its to much to bare and I'm to tired and drained to fight.

you can say I'm being whiney or whatever and that from the sounds of it I don't have it to bad compared to some people but it doesn't change the constant battle with my self to stay alive.

so I guess what I'm asking for Is help, how do I stay strong and not give up how do I battle my mental illness and not allow it to kill and come out stronger is there even a way

I feel trapped.

3 Replies

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  • Hi Corina,

    Have you ever been assessed by a psychiatrist or offered some form of therapy? The first time I was admitted to hospital for taking an overdose the crisis team came to see me, then they checked up on me everyday until they were happy I wasn't a danger to myself anymore, they also brought a psychologist out to the house to assess me and organise a treatment plan for me. It's not an easy journey and one you can't do alone I'm afraid, it is crucial to have that support network around you to help you through this time, that doesn't mean you need to surround yourself with random people or anything it means you need to be in contact with the right people who can offer you the support you need, your lifelines at the minute should be a mental health team, your GP, a counsellor and the hospital or a suicide helpine when you are feeling suicidal. And even though I am getting the right help and support I need now there are still days where I feel like my only acheivement is that I'm still alive, mental illness is very complex and takes a long time to treat, and there is always a risk of relapse so that is why it is so crucial to get the right support you need. When you feel really bad you have to count every little thing you do as an acheivement, what you have is an illness and should be treated as such, give yourself credit that you are still alive after all of these years of suffering on your own, but you don't have to do it on your own for the rest of your life. I'm sorry the health system has been letting you down for so many years, but keep looking for that support and things will only get better.

  • every doctor I have seen just discharges me its like no one takes me seriously

  • It's awful that they're not taking you seriously because they should be, maybe you could try to contact a local mental health team directly to see if they have any advice, or call or email one of the mental health charities, sometimes it's a matter of finding people who will actually listen to you and take you seriously instead of wearing yourself out trying to force people to listen who don't want to. But in the mean time just keep fighting everyday, everyday that you wake up and you keep yourself alive is an absolute milestone, just take it one day at a time and take care of yourself as best as you can.

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