Bad times

[Vdeamon]

Hi all not to sure what to do or say here.

So here it goes I've not been diagnosed with depression but am well aware of the signs

For years now I've been able to deal with it on my own but recently over the last few months it has gotten really bad for me.

I have been suicidal but that's under control as much as I can,also no feeling of self.worth just self hate.I have a son who knows nothing of this as I keep it hidden from him as not to alarm him.

Also have a.fiancee who has recently told me that she doesn't know if she loves me any more been permanently at a low point. breaking into bouts of crying to myself when alone I've tried yo talk to my fiancee but she's trying to deal with her self which I have nothing against her but doesn't help my depression when I want to try to talk about our relationship and just ignore it.

I feel I have no one to talk to as it might make friends and or family have harsh feelings towards my other half we been together for over 16 years.

I just don't know what to do with myself I feel like ending it and everyone else's life can move on.

[JR81]

You should seek help. Go to your GP and discussed your problem and that you need help from professionals like going for a counselling. While for the meantime, I can strongly suggest go for a run, it's really good to combat against stress and feeling depressed. No one can really help you but apart from you. You got to find what motivates you and think of your son not to give up. He needs you more! take care..

[Vdeamon in reply to JR81]

Thanks for the comment.I have already tried the routine method or getting out more just nothing seems to work.it's my own fault I got myself into this hole.

I'm going to try to go to docs just got to work myself up to get down there.

But thanks a lot for the help

[Georgiamiaf]

I used to be exactly like that until someone noticed and i finally went to my GP. I would really recommend seeking help. there are many therapists out there and since the NHS waiting list is long I went privately. Try to just give yourself a day here and there to just focus on you and getting yourself well rested.

[Vdeamon in reply to Georgiamiaf]

Thanks for the comment.

I am trying just hard been keeping it mostly under control and too myself for years just overwhelmed me the last couple months but thanks for the advice

[Hidden]

From what you say, is it your relationship or worry about it that is affecting you the most?

Relationships take a lot of work, when the physical attraction starts to go and all the familiarity of 20 odd years of marriage, where do we go then?

How much do you do together, do you go shopping, a pub meal occasionally - do you listen to your partner much, do you watch telly with her? On way or another you have to invest in your partner.

I'd avoid asking for help with your depression, my wife had very little sympathy with me as most people will react selfishly, we are still together 12 years later, but I made the effort which was far from easy.

I think it must take a lot for a long standing couple to split, financially a nightmare and whose to say there are easy alternatives out there, we aren't that appealing the older we get and a lot of people carry around baggage, the same problems they had before can easily return.

Always be prepared to ask God to help, there is great hope in his name and he hates divorce - if you want to go down this route then please be encouraged to read the new testament.

Hope that's helpful for you - send me a message if you want any other advice as I have struggled with a difficult marriage also.

[Vdeamon in reply to Hidden]

I think the relationship was just the last straw for me. I have tried to tell her but she has her own things to deal with but thanks for the help

[Hidden]

The last straw? There is no such thing, as long as you live under the same roof then you need to keep making the effort, never give up and grind it out.

You also speak of lack of self worth, to this then develop a more humble mind-set - be content with a lot less in life, even in mild discomfort, try and be satisfied with that - does life have to be that great anyway?, many have very little in life. After a while your own mind/way of thinking will more align with what you are actually capable of and you'll find comfort in that.

At the same time try and raise your views about other people, be tolerant for their weaknesses and try and listen to them and be interested in what interests them, even if frankly you are not interested at all. This doesn't come overnight but takes practice, repeated practice - but stick at it that's the important thing, see if you can progress in that.

You mustn't keep looking at your weaknesses, if you are more humble then you are greatly more inclined to accept your weaknesses so I urge you again to build this in to your personality.

Trawl through the internet for all the suffering that goes on, in suffering we feel very alone but there are thousands of people out there struggling each day - you'll find comfort there and it gets your mind off yourself.

cheers once again

Rich