I'm just confused and lost

I'm an 18 year old university student and I am just unsure about my mental health and well being. Ever since moving to uni i have just become more aware of the feeling, its like loneliness and sadness. i just feel like it is me all alone, i just cry all the time. the other week there was not a single day where i didn't cry, it was triggered over nothing and it is the lowest i have ever felt in a long while.

Living at home before moving to uni i did have the odd week or so where i felt sad and down and not bothered to do anything. but i always pushed it aside and ignored it because i always thought it was nothing. but at uni i have become more aware of it, maybe because i am by myself and stuck with my own thoughts.

My boyfriend has noticed a complete change in me, i am sadder and always glum. even when i am with him i have the days where i feel just awful. i live a lot further away from him now since moving to uni and that makes things hard too, but he is so supportive of me and cares so much. i only get to see him on the weekends and sometimes i feel like that is the only thing that gets me through the week.

I have looked into depression but the medical websites don't give much of an insight into it. so i am just confused about my feelings.

My mum has been dealing with psychotic depression since i have been young, so it just leads me to believe that i could have it just through genetics. my older sister has also been diagnosed with it, when she first moved to university. i just want help and advice but I'm afraid of going to the doctors in case i am wasting peoples time. i go through stages of just numbness, like i don't want to move, i just lay on my bed and do nothing. i have things i can and should be doing but i choose to just not do it. i can never sleep to, i have been dealing with my inability to sleep for a few years but now it is worse than ever. i just need to talk to someone so i can understand my feelings and why i feel like this.

I also have points where i hate myself and i worry so much about slight changes in peoples actions which makes me even more worked up, and makes me overthink about what i could've done to them to make them hate me. which causes myself to hate myself even more.

i just would appreciate some perspective, get some advice or just some information from people who have depression or understand what i mean. help me with this confusion i am feeling

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  • You need to talk to someone and that someone is a GP. Don't worry about wasting their time because you're not, GPs are just people doing their jobs and their job is to help people when in need. You wouldn't worry about seeing a plumber for pipes would you? :-) you really need to see someone, please don't put this off, you are the most important person in your world, love yourself, see a GP and start getting better.

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