I've just made this account because I want to seek some advice online before going to see a doctor (I hate seeing the doctor because I feel like I'm wasting their time and there's people a lot worse off than I).
Basically I've made a list of my issues. Issues with a * are what I see as the worst .
- constantly picking arguments: I'm always arguing over the tiniest thing with my friends family and boyfriend. It's as if I say to myself
I know this will cause an argument but i Carry on anyway?
- getting bothered about the tiniest thing*: literally it takes the smallest thing and I fly off the handle. My boyfriend moved away for uni and he couldn't come and see me for two nights at the weekend and only came for one and we legit had one of the biggest arguments of our relationship because of it . If someone doesn't say hi to me or something I get upset and take it personal and I don't
- jealousy* - as my boyfriend has moved to uni and he's making lots of new friends, I am so jealous. I'm jealous I've spent the whole summer with him and now other people
Are spending time with him over me.
- getting carried away with thoughts: an argument with someone will start at the tiniest thing and then I let it inflate and make out it's something it's really not. I get really upset letting my mind run away with itself.
- struggling to be happy for others if I'm not: if I'm not happy I get really bugged and jealous at seeing those around me happy. So messed up I know but it's as if I need to feel loved constantly.
- taking moods out on people*: if I argue with someone or something bad happened at work or uni or something I literally take it out on the closest people to me and that Creates arguments within itself.
- not being happy at getting my own way*: if I don't get my own way I make sly digs and make out as if I'm fine when I'm not.
- self commands*: ok so this is the strangest one. It's very very hard to explain. I don't know if I would call it voices because it's as if I'm talking to myself in my head. But I'm saying things to myself like "do such a thing otherwise this won't happen" and giving myself little commands if that makes sense. For example I'll be putting my rubbish in the bin and if something falls on the floor rather than the bin, and then I just leave it, I go back to it because I'm telling myself in my head - do that or such a thing will happen like it's usually negative. It's such a hard thing to explain but it's really scary and weird.
- vomit urges - I've had issues in the past where I've made myself throw up. It's felt as if I've needed to throw up so did it rather than having that sick feeling but there was a period i would order takeaway fast food and then throw it back up. But when I'm sad or had an argument or whatever I start to feel sick and get urges .
- mood swings within very short spaces: all it takes is the tiniest thing to trigger me off and I'll be in the worst mood and take it out on everyone around me.
- self doubt*: I'm at literally a top ten uni in the U.K. A complex course and a great uni but I doubt myself so much all of the time .
- random crying outbursts - I can literally be just sat on my laptop and I think of something and start crying.
- struggle to concentrate: when something has happened, I cannot concentrate. I had a uni lecture today and because I'd argued with my boyfriend I tried so hard but just couldn't pay attention at all.
- bad temper*: finally, when I've argued I lose my temper so much. I'm not violent but there have been times I have thrown things about and stuff and I scream a lot in arguments.
I think all of that makes me sound like a little brat but I just don't understand what the issue is and why I'm like this. I'm literally begging someone to help me and tel me what to do. I am a guy by the way aged 20 from the uk