I made the worse life decision, now i don't seem to know what i am doing with my life

[Jodi_Z]

I just felt like I want to write this where someone can actually read it, I don't see any life ahead of me,

I was a busy girl, with alot of friends and lovely family members, my life wasn't perfect though, I had a lot of problems with my father and multi-disastrous relationships,

To get out of that, i made a stupid and dangerous decision, I decided to get married with a man that I don't really love, but he loves me, and works in another country which means will take me away from my problems and provide me with a decent life away from my crazy relationships, so we are married for six months now, I am in a new country, i left my family and friends and my job and everything I had there ..

And I accidentally got pregnant, so fast, and now I feel so empty here, so alone, longing for love and passion that i don't have in my stable yet boring marriage.

Suffering every minute with the idea that I will become a mother so soon.

And I have no job and I have no plans where to start.

I feel like days just pass by me, and all i do is just trying to finish the day, i hate myself for what i did ..

I can't ask for divorce not so soon, my family will never accept it and I feel sorry for my husband who is still in debt for what he spent on the big wedding ceremony.

And I am not sure if i can handle it as a singke mom as well, not to forget that i don't work now and i can't support myself or the child.

I feel trapped, all alone, don't know where to go or who to talk to.

My friends seems not to understand and they are telling me it is just you, and if you tried you can survive in this marriage and in this new life, is it really just me ???

Or you know what i don't want to know the answer.

I am depressed enough, and have enough guilt that I can't handle right now ..

[AnaBluebell]

I understand that it is not easy to go through so much in such a short period of time. When one is depressed it is hard to see any positive aspects in anything. I almost did the same many years ago, so I know exactly where you come from. I believe you can make the most of the situation by concentrate your energy on your growth, you said your husband loves you, and that you don't have to work. Make the most of your time reading, looking after yourself, writing, walking, gardening, don't force yourself to do things that you don't want to. I don't know what part of the world you live, but if you have access to internet there are many things you can do. If you have access to Skype you can contact me. Sending you my best wishes,

[Imanj]

First I think you need to get help from a therapist...

Then I know how hard it is when you are depressed to get active and do something about it... But if you sit down and felt like this it would become more devastating... Try to do something you know you're passionate about even if it is hard and seems not enjoyable as usual ... Do it every day ...

Feeling guilty won't make it better you know this... And I know that you can't just stop it... But you can decrease its effect on you by looking after yourself and trying as possible as you can to love yourself.. . your husband loves you you say tell him that you are bored it doesn’t have to tell him why... Try to get out discover the new place.. Do new things...

You need to push hard I know but give it a little try...