Self harm

I've come to the realisation I self harm...

... not in the way that may be considered 'main stream'.

To put it into context. I lost a lot a weight a while back and am now finding it hard to keep it off. I've asked for help from my GP. But because I'm no longer in the 'danger' area, even thought I'm still technically obese, I don't qualify for help.

I instead turn to other chemical methods to remove the food from me. I've also turned to physical methods to remove food from me.

Unfortunately I appear to have caused physical damage to myself this time and it is why I finally realised it may actually be harmful. Thought I screwed my kidney up this time.

But. I don't know how I can actually get help when no one wants to help. I am unable to stop myself from eating the foods because they are linked to the depression I have. Then the visual effect it has on me and the lack of support feeds back into the depression.

Any attempt to speak to people about the depression, even those supposed friends, is just a "you've got to try" and I just want to punch them as people that should understand more than others (people with similar conditions to my own).

Telling someone may be the first step, but it's going to be the hardest thing to do due to the nature of the problem. This is just the first admission to myself more than anything.

2 Replies

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  • You have probably taken the biggest and hardest step by admitting to yourself that that the way you are coping with your depression is resulting in harm for yourself. Unfortunately when depression hits and we find ourselves in that 'dark place' it becomes difficult to think clearly about our problems and / or the reasons for the depression. If we continue to fight the effects of the depression without first addressing and understanding the cause of the depression we will just simply go round in circles.... possibly adding to the depression by feelings of guilt, lack of self-esteem or self worth, we can then begin to feel that we deserve to be miserable as the self-loathing sets in. THE most important part of your recovery ... you have done by asking for help and sharing. the most difficult part of your recovery is about trying to understand why you feel depressed, If you already know the circumstances that led to depression then as yourself how these circumstances or situations effected you emotionally. Then imagine the advice you would give to someone if they felt the same way as you did back then (not now) Difficulties, traumas and hardship can effect many people in many different ways and no two situations are the same, that is why it is so hard for someone else to give any advice and possibly why you are struggling to find the answers. Deep within yourself you do have those answers, you need to search for them... remember always that you are unique human being who has a purpose even if you are yet to discover it. Remember that all of the cells in your body renew ... your emotions can too ... but that is why its the hardest part of recovery because we have to let go of the things that have hurt us, we have to forgive ourselves and others and make tiny changes to our everyday routine... with each tiny step we get closer to becoming the person we want to be from inside, when we feel at peace with who we are feeling happy with the way we look and achieving that becomes sooo much easier. I hope this will provide you with a little motivation, you can do this just try to believe in yourself.

  • My mother can somewhat relate to you. What is the root cause of your depression? It's important that you address whatever it is. Otherwise your cycle will continue if you don't chop off the head of the snake. Good luck and we all believe in you :)

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