from the moment I wake up, I feel panicked. I feel like I'm running out of time. I feel bored & restless. I feel like I can't breath and there's a huge tight, lump in my chest. I think about other people's lives and want to be someone else. I feel like everyone around me doesn't like me and prefer others. I try too hard. I wonder if my life will ever be normal and if anyone will ever love and accept me for who I am.i have moods wings, I feel angry and I don't want to. I say things I don't mean and don't want to say. I'm always hopeful about situations but at the same time I'm a pessimist. I constantly compare myself to others and try to change the way I look and act to try to please others. I strive acceptance and attention 24/7. I feel jealous of other people and I want inclusion. I feel nervous, flush of heat to my face, my heart starts pounding when I try to talk to people. I feel like a freak, like nobody wants me around. Insignificant, worthless, boring, waste of space. I have times where I'm confident and content in my life and who I am but anything can break that, any little thing. I feel like I never live in the moment, I'm constantly waiting, searching, for something more, for a meaning. I feel like I'm wasting my life. I think I want things but then I lack interest in doing anything. I don't want to be disappointed but that's always how I feel. I'm waiting for something every second, I don't know what but it's not coming. I'm afraid of what my life holds ahead. I don't know what I want, in any sense. I think I just want happiness, constant attention and a lot of people around me....but I think this is just so I don't have time to think to myself. The most intense feeling is attention. This sounds very bad but I just crave it from everyone. I feel like I need attention from everyone and feel bad when I don't get it. What is wrong with me? I think too much and over analyse everything. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I've wondered about depression but I don't want to use that word too freely. Every time I come home, i constantly just want to bury myself in my room and not go out. I think all I need is being around my friends but that makes me feel worse. I love them but they're lives are just too good and worked out. I'm jealous and I hate myself for that. I look forward to the next day and plan it out. I don't want to tell others, due to fear of being called dramatic and told my feelings aren't real and I need to just get on with it. I think they will laugh. I can't just forget about it, these feelings are too constant and overwhelming. I feel like I need others to complete me and I will never be enough for myself. I need and want help, answers to my problem. I really don't know what to do. Im not even saying everything I feel here but I have too much of them. I'm only 16, I shouldn't lack passion for life. I need help, answers.
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