Scared of visiting gp about my condition

Hello,

So all of this happened last monday. For a while, I have been on a downhill slope so to speak.

I have been solving one issue after another, never really giving up, and adapting. But I got to breaking point I guess. I didn't sleep much on Sunday, in all honesty i can't remember last time i had full night sleep. I had a dispute with one of my friends on saturday, she told me i became intolerable, that she don't want to be around me on her own coz i'm putting a lot of pressure on her to make me happy. That upset me, coz I knew right there and then she is just not bothered about being there for me. So on monday i was in pretty horrible shape. I showed up for work 3 hours early, coz i couldn't sleep anyway. Hour after hour has been dragging. And then i saw another co-worker, a friend, who never has a care in the world. I was talking to him, when she came over and started making plans to go out and hang out with him in front of me, asking where they gonna go and if they wanted to bring someone. I just broke down then, i walked away, shut down my station and walked out of the building. Felt like getting into a fight, felt like going out to a pub, felt no care for my well being. Got home, had thoughts of self harm, done it before, seemed like a good idea. Talked to a real friend of mine, he told me to hold tight, and gave me some good advice about help lines i could call. I went to sleep. I woke up after 4-6 hours, it was early morning. I felt no better, I started googling, in meantime, i opened a beer (i know i'm aware it wans't a good idea). I researched symptoms of depression, what to do, what gp can do. after few minutes, i linked a lot of symptoms to my situation. it was 6am at this point and i was on my 3rd beer. hours must of passed me sitting on a floor drinking & listening to music. i don't remember much after, but i woke up around 3pm - i looked down and i noticed i've cut my arm open few times. there wasn't much blood, but it was still hurting. I called free nhs non emergency number to see what i should do. i told them everything. per their advice i went to see my gp. receptionist while being sympathetic they couldn't help me - they could only schedule me for next monday (this monday coming). i walked out and went back home. so 3 days has passed. I still feel crap. I still don't feel happy, I still worry about work, i still feel like im going in circles.

However i'm not as bad as i was on monday / tuesday. i have not harmed myself since, i started eating some. I don't want to go to my gp on monday, and me telling him how depressed i was and him replying "well you look fine to me". I don't want to be in this situation again. I want to be diagnosed and treated. Seems like I might not be taken seriously. Did anyone been through something like this before?

1 Reply

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  • I'm going through this now with only slight variants into the situation. I'm considering going to my GP but there is a definite degree of fear for me.

    Weighing up to pros and cons of my personal embarrassment, upon any out pouring, against genuine advice and help.

    With patient confidentiality to the trained medical professional you can't confide in any better person. My only fear is being prescribed any anti depressants. Depending on who your GP is they may not be sympathetic, although most often than not, they are.

    I'm not what you might call a social person, there are a few people that I might regally talk to, when one of those people start telling you than you're worthless or inferior you start to believe it what with nothing else to go by. Luckily in my situation colleagues found out what was going on, after my facade of being okay fell to bits, and they made their opinions clear that they didn't feel as I was told they did.

    Most of these people are those that I have been in the same environment with but very rarely talk to, this may be the same for you, despite this they still grasp your character and can refute your ill feelings if you make them clear. People after that began inviting me into groups and sitting next to them, I don't know at this time if it is out of sympathy or genuine concern, whichever I will try to use this time to incorporate myself into a group of friends which I formerly have never truly had.

    A doctor can help medically but may not be the best to offer advice as they might not have experienced what you are dealing with, if you need medical help stay on here a while, there are many people who've overcome similar situations or going through them.

    Let me know how you're doing and how this progresses, I'm generally intrigued and if you can offer any advice I'd love to know and also I'll try to assist when I can.

    Take no notice of whomever is talking you down, they're not worth you time and this defiantly goes beyond constructive criticism.

    Kindest regards,

    -Ashley

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