Need help advice

[need-direction]

Hi sorry if not post in right place not posted before.

Hi, I don't know where to start or what to say apart from my life is a mess.

I attempted to kill myself April 2014 after losing everything through my own self destruction also circumstances / lies from my past / actions I don't intend to justify my actions as I'm to blame for it all and what's happened since. I love my partner who ended the relationship due to this and she's not spoken to me since apart from txt / email I have lost my family and am all alone I have been in work in a new job since everything has happened and continue to go on day by day can't even face my family brother / and close family but things have become to much, medically I'm struggling to do my job I have cut my hours but find it hard to continue but on the other side if I quit my job I fear my mental state of mind will go back and scared of that. I was diagnosed recently with thyroid cancer and treatment is tough but feel I have nobody to talk too.

I have so many emotions going around my head, I feel my partner never loved me for abandoning me when I needed her the most but I know that's not true but it's what I feel, anger when I have no right to be angry with her, should be her being angry with me.

She's saying she doesn't hate me or think I'm a bad person then why am I thinking that. I want her back but I can't see her wanting to know me, even her family I believe think I'm scum.

Just don't know how to cope. Even though my employer if fantastic and bending over back words to help.

[Artem27]

Sorry about your diagnosis,hopefully you gonna get better,be strong as i believe you are,be strong and hold on,tomorrow is a mystery so there is always hope and love,please be strong

sorry im not good with advice

[need-direction in reply to Artem27]

Thanks Artem27