Mum died

Hi, Ive posted on here before as I do suffer from depression and anxiety and take medication for it.

I lost my Mum recently, she died on 23rd February. I can't describe how I feel, sometimes I don't know...if that makes sense, but theres an overwhelming emptiness like someone has taken my soul. Mum was my rock and we would talk all the time. I was with her in the hospital for 6 hours before she died, held her hand, stroked her hair and said goodbye. The thing that I now find really hard to cope with is that now....and I know this happens to everyone...everything is just expected to go back to normal, looking after the family,doing the school run,going shopping, when you feel numb. Someone actually said to me..wats up with you...she hasnt JUST died has she!.... a whole 6 weeks after my mum died!!! What can you say...?!

Obviously, people can't walk about with a sign saying they are grieving..but I just am finding it hard.

I find myself just trying to get on with it for everyone else, always being the strong one.

6 Replies

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  • I am very sorry the sad loss of your mom. Up to a year I would still call it a recent loss. There is no proper length of time to grieve and anyone who says there is- is wrong! I lost my father over 10 years ago and still every so often it will hit me he really is gone. It is hard on a person always being the strong one. You definately have to take time for you. Maybe set aside allotted time for yourself everyday to think of your mom and speak with her if you feel it helps. Someone like your mom never leaves you. She is with you in your smile and in all the special moments you spent together. I am very sorry for loosing your mom. If you ever want to talk about how It feels losing a parent I am always around. And there is so many other really compassionate people who really care on this board❤️

  • Thank you so much for your kind reply, i like what you said about her being in my smile...I feel her with me. Like you my Dad died 14 years ago but that still hits me sometimes and has been opened up again since losing my Mum.

    ...again thank you for replying, i really appreciate it.

  • ❤️❤️❤️

  • hi lilac,

    I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. hope you've been coping well since Feb.

    I lost my mum 8 years ago. she passed away in her sleep. its hard at 1st but my advice to you would be take it easy and don't put a timetable on when to stop grieving.

    I try to look at everything in a positive way like there was a meaning. the way i see it is that your mum bought you up and enabled you to stand on your feet. she has done her duty as a mother, had a part to play in your life and she has done that, now she has simply moved on in her journey. she has some positive attributes in her behaviour (example, like she was your rock) and approach towards life so keep that with you and apply it in your life's journey (example, you be a rock solid support for your kids).

    its easy to say but try to never look back and acknowledge at some point you will need to let go and move on in your life, as your mum in spirit wants you to be happy and move on in your life's responsibilities and when you do she will be happy and be able to move on in her spiritual journey.

    what you need to do is think of the positive times you had with your mum, it may make you smile or upset you but that's grieving. it's best to let it out than keep it in where it might stress you or cause you low moods.

    I do miss my mum now and then and do think of her but i don't get upset now because she'd always say "be positive and get on with it". at times even this year i occasionally write a letter which i later burn, maybe in the hope she gets it and is reading it somewhere, who knows but it just comforts me. we all have our own ways of dealing with it, some are strong, some may be not but we are all different.

    my other advice would be to never get too attached to her belongings. keep 1 or 2 things memorable and donate the rest to charity in her memory. it will help you de-clutter your mind and let go of some memories.

    if you need to talk you know we are all here.

  • Thank you so much for that reply, a lot of good advice and things that I totally agree with. It is such a strange time when you lose someone as when I find myself laughing or happy, I feel guilty..but know for sure that my Mum would hate that! and I like what you said about if im moving on and being happy then she can as well...thats how I see it. I talk out loud to her, it helps. I have four sons who my Mum adored and they really keep me going, like you said, part of what my Mum and Dad have given me is the strength to be there for my kids and grab life with both hands.

    I have had so many signs from her since she passed...I know a lot of people dont believe that sort of thing, but I do. I know she is near.

    Thank you again for your words, it really is a help and a comfort and makes me feel that its ok to take positives out of this.

  • people we have a fond connection with are close to us, i believe it too even though some don't like it. you don't need to feel guilty about anything. she's in a place of bliss, away from pain and anger so where ever she is, she is happy and you can slowly move on and enjoy the good life you have ahead of you.

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