I have absolutely no idea at all what I am suppose to be doing to be truthfully honest. I bought a computer hoping it would tell me what I am suppose to be doing. So far I have complied a list of tasks and have been trying to complete some of them. A lot of these things come naturally to everyone else but I need it written down like taking a bath and brushing my teeth. If it wasn't on wiki how I wouldn't know to do these things. It's not like I was raised in the wild but unfortunately this is my brain. I know I shouldn't but I tend to look at others and wonder what happened to me. People can talk to each other and I can't even get passed hello. Friends, relationships, associates I have no clue about besides what I see on TV. I feel behind in everything and it scares me in my sleep with nightmares.
I've been forcing myself to do a lot of things that I really don't like because that's what I am suppose to do as an adult. If I don't eat healthy foods I will suffer hair and cartilage loss like before. My mental and physical state has improved to a certain level from the changes but on some days I fall back into my handicapped ways. I really struggle on a day to day basis, battling myself. I have thoughts like how am I suppose to dress and look in public. If you dress or move your body weird people that even know you avoid you at all cost. I can't even do the basic things I wonder even if I force the heck out of myself to do all of these things I don't like will I finally be able to live a normal life. Will I finally drive. Will I finally get a job so I won't end up homeless. I have to learn to swim so I don't drown.
Right now I really don't care about who I am or all of that because it's not helping me. I just want be able to survive and look human in the minimum. I don't want to be treated different from everyone else anymore. If I can look the part and act the part and it will work I will do it. What's the point of being yourself alone starving and homeless. There is no happiness in that.