Hi guys, after slowly noticing last few months, I have come to the conclusion that I may be depressed.
I am 19 years old who lives with my housemate but fiancé lives out of town but I see her every weekend.
I am not the sort of guy to tell everyone that I am depressed, nor show that I am and expect love and care from everyone. I will tell you about my lifestyle and personality so it's easier for you lot to judge.
I work full time but as of 31st July, my contract will not be renewed but have a guaranteed job but not desirable. I eat like one meal a day because I'm too tired to cook and hate spending money on takeaways which I rarely have. I wake up tired like everyone else but this is constant, wake up at 7am but feel normal by 1pm and I get about 7 hours sleep a day.
I have had anger issues in the past with violence but not been violent for the past 7-8 years, but for the past year, I will get angry for the smallest, if not nothing and I can't realise why. My fiancé seems to anger me but then I feel so bad and apologise for being angry at her. (I've never hit her by the way, no point in violence at all!)
She suggested that I go to the doctors but I don't believe in medications or therapy for my apparent depression. I recently told her and only her about my suicide thought/attempt (Bleach) I was going to tell my other closest friend but I don't wanna seem like an attention seeker.
I don't see my family much but I'm not bothered about them. feels like my friends don't like me but we had my engagement party last weekend where my friends drove half the country to attend it!
I feel like I've lost everything and cling onto the smallest of things I have in my life, they may be petty but it's what I love (fiancé, my dog (which I had to leave behind), my best friend)
I care more for others than I do for myself and I get told off for it....
I am or act happy in front of people, I socialise often and always love to help but feel bad when I can't even though some say there was nothing I can do.
Sorry about the long question but that's pretty much me in a nutshell. I do think I'm abit depressed but nothing to shout about. What do you guys think?