i'm a 14 year old boy, diagnosed with depression and PTSD about 4 months ago. My dad died when i was 9. the only thing that makes me happy is music and if that doesn't work then i don't know what to do. All i ever think about is whether my dad would like me for who i am and constantly trying to impress him as if he was watching me.
I've always thought (when i was younger) that my dad preferred my brother as i didn't get much attention and when he died i couldn't cope so i tried to push the thoughts to the back of my head. Everyday i regret doing this and the Depression gets worse everyday. The bad memories are coming back and i'm worried that its going to ruin my teenage hood.
What I'm trying to ask is if there is any way to make me happy for when music doesn't help (which is quite a lot nowadays). I don't want to be taking anti-depressants and the worst thing is i've started smoking to relax me, and it works! However, it's not something i want to be doing at all!! All my life I've been against it and now it's helping me but i don't want it.
I'm only 14 and need help