depression worse everyday

i'm a 14 year old boy, diagnosed with depression and PTSD about 4 months ago. My dad died when i was 9. the only thing that makes me happy is music and if that doesn't work then i don't know what to do. All i ever think about is whether my dad would like me for who i am and constantly trying to impress him as if he was watching me.

I've always thought (when i was younger) that my dad preferred my brother as i didn't get much attention and when he died i couldn't cope so i tried to push the thoughts to the back of my head. Everyday i regret doing this and the Depression gets worse everyday. The bad memories are coming back and i'm worried that its going to ruin my teenage hood.

What I'm trying to ask is if there is any way to make me happy for when music doesn't help (which is quite a lot nowadays). I don't want to be taking anti-depressants and the worst thing is i've started smoking to relax me, and it works! However, it's not something i want to be doing at all!! All my life I've been against it and now it's helping me but i don't want it.

I'm only 14 and need help

2 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hello Harry - scrolling through the site, your post struck me because I began dealing with depression and anxiety at a young age, just like you. I am 23 now and I just want to reassure you that things do get better. I'm so sorry about your dad, I cannot imagine how painful that must have been. I'm very sure that he wouldn't want to see you worry, and would be proud of any steps you took to feel better!

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a therapist, or taking medication. You may not even need either of those forever! But talking out these feelings help a lot... I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, but it doesn't have to be that way. Talk to an adult you're close with, and there are professionals to help you find happiness.

    I applaud you for seeking help on a forum like this one, but asking an adult will hopefully lead you down the right path, like it did for me!

    Good luck to you - trust me, you will feel better :)

    Samantha

  • Hello Harry,

    I am sorry to hear about your dad, I was wondering did you ever get grieving counselling when you were 9 years old because that is such a vulnerable age to loose a parent.

    Having a loss like that can send your brain and body into shock and you can start dwelling on memories or feelings and make them grow bigger and bigger and they change over time so your not sure if that is how it was or have you just over thought things. because your anxious and upset and can not get the answers you need.

    Have you ever sat down with your brother and discussed your feelings with him. does he have anxious thoughts that he has not shared with you.

    Do you have your mum in your life can you talk to her about it.

    It can be very difficult to start talking about something so hurtful everyone has high emotions but once the first talk has been had, hopefully it will get easier to talk more often.

    Please visit your doctor and if he prescribes mild antidepressants then try them he can also help you to give up smoking. We all as children are against smoking but when we try it the chemicals make us addicted its a love hate relationship one that you can conquer! but one thing at a time :-)

    Have you ever tried writing a letter explaining how you are feeling and giving it to the doctor to read when you go into the appointment, this way it can help you through the most difficult part of opening up for the first time.

    You can get better but you have to take the steps to get the help you need. and you have already taken one this one! well done.

    My son went through a very difficult time at your age and opened up to his school councillor and doctor the samaritans and then me, he was prescribed some mild anti depressants and researched self help on line.

    he also had trouble sleeping and all his worries come to him when he tried to sleep. he has once or twice called the samaritans late at night and spoken to them for a long time this helped him a lot.

    He is almost 18 now and attending college, he looks back now and sees how much things have changed for the better.

    I wish you all the best

You may also like...