depressed friend

[charles95]

my best friend has been depressed really bad for the past year and there are loads of reasons (not getting a job, anxietym stress, parents problems, money) etc im the only one she trusts as she doesnt even trust her family i try to see her every week and text her every day (i do night shift saturday to tuesday so im mostly sleeping) but when i get up i text her straight away , im worried she wont eat, shes getting suicidal thoughts, she keeps saying she worthless and she should of never been born or she thinks shes gonna give up to the depression, nothing makes her happy im so worried , shes been my best friend for neally 4 years now, she refuses to go to the doctors or an expert or even phoning/ emailing someone , i try to look for jobs for her whenever i can but she says she wants a job where she knows someone (e.g her dad works) but im worried because she might not get it , i just dont know what to i feel bad that i cant help her and my family keep saying that i seem to have chnaged , apprentely my mood has gone down, D: so i have boosted myself up but i want to bring her up with me D: please help!

[loggerslot]

Hi there, its great you want to help but to be supportive you need time to recharge your batteries but at the same time you don't want to feel you have abandoned her when she needed you. at the stage she is at the she needs help because you may find yourself in a situation where your help to her is limited. help her for now and help her make the correct decision that will help her get better. when she starts to feel better ask her how she feels about making her own day to day decisions but make sure she lets you know if she can't.

Firstly, talk to her and help her realize that if she wants to get better she urgently needs to see the doctor and the GP is mostly likely to give her medication. Tell her the medication is not a long term solution but something to help her through the bad times until she feels better. I think there is a lot of bad press about anti-depressants but they should only be seen as a short term solution, maybe a year or 2 but a person needs to actively take some sort of therapy that will coach them back to being their normal good self.

if you have time and she allows you to, go with her inside to the GP and if you feel she is not open enough, ask her permission and speak for her to the GP, maybe after doing so you could give her some time with the GP alone. keep an eye on her and ask her how she feels with the medication. For her it will take a lot of courage to open up to the GP. keep note how she feels before taking it and keep note how she feels after. if she says she feels worse than before then its strictly advisable to see the GP and discuss the effects with them preferably with the same GP if its a big surgery. Ask the GP how long will it take to take affect. some take 4 weeks but some may take less. ask correct about dosage. The GP may also advise to book fortnightly appointment and he/she most likely do this for her from their desk and be sure she goes otherwise book at reception. The GP will also advise a free local public service she can call to get counselling support. if you want to seek counselling then public mental health services have a long waiting time for counselling so private can be quicker within 2 weeks vs. 12 weeks on NHS but by all means give it a try, as it is free. for private counselling is this something maybe you could perhaps financially support her with if NHS is a long waiting time, if she cannot afford it?

I personally feel that getting her a job at this time might be counter-productive, as she is suffering from anxiety and that can elevate if she is in a social gathering at work. some people at work just simply don't understand depression and its effect on a person at work so she may not find sympathetic people and may feel isolated. as a result this could make her depression worse.

rather than full time work. ask her if she is on job seekers allowance. ask her how she feels about volunteering. its a great way of getting out, and it helps to move her thoughts away from how she feels. if she likes animals then a great place would be a animal rescue charity centre. take her there and speak to the head chair lady about her situation and she should be very supportive, your friend can find suitable days she can volunteer. i did this and i never regretted it and one way i supported myself to recover from depression.

and don't forget there is the Samaritans she can call and its all strictly confidential.

please let us know how you get on and we are all here to help you and your friend.