After years of struggling thinking I could overcome this 'thing' I have to deal with everyday - I have finally admitted to myself that I need help. I was prescribed Fluoxetine 3 years ago, but chose never to take them - I didn't need them, I was strong, tablets are a sign of weakness (i thought).....well here I am today admitting I was wrong and maybe if I'd have dealt with it back in 2011 I wouldn't be the wreck I am today!
Over the weekend I've had suicidal thoughts - not that I'd do it but I was imagining the instant relief of nothingness. And today I struggled so much to get in to work, I was 1/2hr late and when I was at my desk my brain wouldn't work - I had a word with myself and thought this is not good enough and I phoned the doctor.
I still wish that I didn't have to take tablets but to function 'normally' and to hold my job and relationship as well as my sanity I'm glad I made that call today - I know I'm in for a long journey and can't expect to feel better overnight as the doctor has started me off on a low dose of 20mg per day. Fingers Crossed!!