I had a traumatic childhood and witnessed violence and my mums depression. I have very limited trust in people as my childhood showed me people just hurt each other. I have no friends; I have moved home several times; I have had several boyfriends who I end up abusing and feeling dissatisfied with. I have self harmed; I have had addictions I have tried to commit suicide, I am 38 years ago and I keep denying that I need help.I don't understand how my boyfriend can love me; I get in anger rages, I don't want to get up in the morning, I say hurtful things to him, I'm really struggling with supporting him now his father is terminally ill. I just don't like myself and I am ashamed of asking for help; I've been on anti depressants before and counselling and I get so anxious about the situation that I tell the doctors the treatment is working and I STOP treatment. I am trapped in a viscious circle. I am going to the doctors today and I am determined this time to cure my depression and social anxiety, sod what others think I am more important
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