As far as I know I've suffered with depression for around five years coming and going.
But lately, life just feels like it's stopped. I've stopped caring and almost feeling anything. I feel empty, like everything is simply pointless. I feel as though I've tried everything. A few years ago I took antidepressents, they helped a little but never really got rid of this.. off feeling. I've tried talking to people about it. They all give me the pep talks and try to help but none of it seems to stick. I used to live in books, video games, making people and places up in my own mind. Anything with a story I can lose myself in and forget about everything else. But now I can't seem to go into those places like I once could and I'm stuck here in reality, and I truly hate it.
That probably makes me sound a little mad.
I'm so.. aware of the fact I feel like this. I know I shouldn't be this down and passionless all the time. And I've read a few self help books that say how I should be dealing with it. But I just feel as though it's pointless. I think of how just sleeping forever would be better. Not having to think. And what mostly stops me is that I have a large fear of pain and I don't know a painless way. I feel that I'm stuck and I don't know what to do. I want this to stop, and I want to enjoy my life.