I am 19 years old. I have suffered the sexual abuse as well as physical and mentally. While i was growing up, i was frustrated and easy tempered because of communication breakdown with my family due to deafness; this causes me to miss the first 5 years of life due to late diagnosis of deafness where i was completely muted since birth. People i got involved with in past 5 years has made me suffered and `puts up with it`. 2 years ago someone close to me who i would in middle of night when i was baby instead of my mum was my sister but she lied, broke promises and even pretended to swore on our family life as she was sleeping with my best mate for few months behind my back when i didnt approve which started the trust issues. I used to have best friend who i known for 9 years but then one day, she rejected me and wouldnt speak to me ever since. Now i am afraid of same thing happening with each of my close friends. There are more things i have suffered which feeded the trust issues but these two affected me the most. I have suffered from terrible bullying against my deafness and homosexuality which lead to missing most of my year 9 and changing schools. I've lived in pub for 9 years and whole time i suffered from loneliness which is most of my secondary school life. I have been in quite few situation where i have nearly committed suice but these past few months i would say things has got better but issues, thoughts and emotions are still there.
I have arranged one counselling session but i have never attended. I speak to Samaritans on the text service but it does not help me. I havn't been diagnosed with depression or anixety but i did took NHS self-mood assesment which says i have got high level for both.
The problem is i have spent years blocking out the suffering and negative emotions but now it feels like everything is catching up on me.
What is your recommendated advice or opinion? It would help me a lot right now as i would like to sort out my problems and issues and hopefully overcome it all...