I haven't felt myself for some time, am I depressed?

Basically I have had a rough year and right now I feel as vulnerable and as low as I have ever been.

Everything started about a year ago. I had been in a job that I totally hated for a couple of years. So much so that it was starting to effect my relationship with my long term partner and give me physical symptoms of stress. My sex drive was down and I was drinking a lot on the weekend but still managing to life everyday.

At the beginning of this year our relationship broke down (he cheated on me ) and since then my mood has been very unbalanced. My job situation got worse so I started feeling extreme anxiety about going to work. There were days when I felt I was going to have a panic attack at my desk. My performance was suffering but I still managed to live day to day.

I couldn't handle the anxiety and couldn't find a job while employed so it got to a point where I just quit. I felt like I had no choice and was on the verge of a break down.

Since quitting I sway between highs from the partying and men then lows whereby I feel mildly depressed anxious and guilty. It has taken me three months for me to actually start applying for jobs as I have been unable to make a decesion about what I want to do, I couldn't concentrate or focus.

This September I have now just started focusing but am still having trouble using my brain. Like my mind isn't sharp anymore. I know I don't feel like myself and can't remember what it feels like to feel normal.

I'm unsure if I am depressed or not as I manage to function on an everyday level (I excercise, get out of bed, see people) but I do have an underlying emptiness and anxiety that stays with me a lot of the time. Sometimes I have waves of extreme anxiety and guilt so much so I have to go to a 'familiar surrounding'.

I have started to wake up early and have trouble sleeping even though I excersise everyday. It scares me that at the moment the only thing that makes me feel happy is partying and men which I am now trying to control. Without it though I feel empty and numb. What is wrong with me? Am I just going through a rough patch? I'm afraid I'm depressed as I don't want to go on medication. Do I sound depressed?

My friends say I feel down because I am unemployed but as I am having trouble focusing/lack confidence to find another job I am afraid things will just get worse. I feel like there is a dark cloud looming and I'm afraid.

3 Replies

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  • There are grades of depression - it doesn't always mean that you are obsessively thinking about death and can't get out of bed at all.

    The waking up early certainly sounds like anxiety. Depression and anxiety are often closely linked.

    Please arrange to see your GP - you may want to ask the receptionist for a 'double' appointment - explain why it is you want to see the doctor - that would give you more time. There are also on-line questionnaires that you can do that may indicate if you are depressed.

  • good to see you are fitting in exercise to your schedule as one way to take care of yourself.

    Your previous work sounds really stressful for you, no wonder anxiety got its' foot in the door.

    Depression can develop after the events you went through, from what you write anxiety is a big issue for you.

    There are well used techniques to help with the anxiety, and if you are afraid of being medicated I would suggest putting some research into self-help techniques for the the anxiety and depression, and seeing how that helps.

    Do act sooner rather than later, left too long any depression may get stronger, like a habit that becomes difficult to kick.

    Finding a new job can be challenge to anyones confidence, finding a temp post might help while looking for a longer term career choice, it might even help you find a workplace that you feel comfortable in. Do you have friends/relatives who can give you a lead for jobs going in an interesting area? Was your body telling you it was time for a new career?

    Do check out the websites on tackling anxiety, as even if your doc does suggest meds to get through a crisis period the meds won't work so well without you taking a look at the way your thoughts influence your feelings.

  • I have severe depression and anxiety so the advice I will give is to get help and treatment and be totally honest about your feelings and thoughts. I hope you have an understanding Doctor who will help. Please be patient with treatment as it takes about 4 weeks or so to feel better. Take care.

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