My daughter lost her baby at 8 weeks and in the scanning room where the empty sac was revealed I went into total shock. Nothing felt real. I knew it was my car I got into but it didn't feel real, I walked into my living room and nothing felt real. I knew where I was and that the sofas in front of me were mine but it was like I'd rubbed my eyes hard and everything was blurred. It was like I was above my body and doing everything on autopilot. My daughter walked out of my home and my life the next day because she said I showed her no demonstrative love. I absolutely totally deny this. I have always loved her and never more so than when she lay there and said so bravely to the sonographer "there's nothing there, is there?" When she walked out of my life it was like all the love she had for me was broken up into microscopic particles and blown into every corner of the universe never to be made whole again. I feel I died that day. The person that was me died and another Sarah has stepped into my place. I hardly ever feel happy. I've joined various groups and organisations in my area but underneath my smiles are the tears. I still cry every day and it's been a year now. Last year she also told me I was dead to her and when she became pregnant again she blocked me from most of the pregnancy. I told her her behaviour was making me more ill but that I was getting help for my severe depression. Hurtful text followed hurtful text and she told me to stay right away from her and her little family until I'd sorted myself out. Her texts tore me apart. I howled every day because I disagreed with everything she had said and I couldn't and still can't understand why she cut me dead like she did. She now has her little baby but as much as I adore the baby I feel so traumatised by what happened a year ago I just can't move on. She said I need to, but how can I when there's no closure?
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