Anonymity factor - DE IVF??

[Mel77]

Am thinking too much on the point these days. Speaking as someone who had to go the donor egg route, but as yet unable to accept or wrap my head around the idea, one of the huge barriers for me is the anonymity factor. I feel so strongly that it is not my right to make that decision for my child. It should be theirs to make at least when they turn 18. Identity is important to us as humans, and what it means to us individually shouldn't be imposed on others. Rather that the child have the ability to make their own decision "if" they eventually want to contact their donor.

In fact I was extremely happy when my embryo using "preferred" donor ended positively. (Ukraine, @@ clinic, shot#2, BFP). The donor was "preferred" because I have so much information on her (specifically in an area I am very familiar with/have a lot of connections).. Ethically I would never do that now just for myself. But it gave me extra comfort knowing that if she'd disappeared by the time the children turned 18, we'd still be able to find her if the child chose to...I believe egg donor more difficult, and I really either wanted to know or at least have met and connected with the donor. So that to be comfortable with who they are. Though I wouldn't need an ongoing relationship for myself after the child is born. Depends on the situation. I would never keep secret their origins, but my biggest concern is that they can make the decision themselves. Thanks for any of your thoughts, lovelies X

[Karinyaa]

Such an intricate topic I should say! After numerous failures with the previous clinic we almost signed on with an adoption agency. I began to feel much more comfortable with that route. I could envision us happy. I could see us raising a kid. I felt a sense of excitement. We would still have a family, we would be helping a child in need. However, my dh did not feel the same. He worried about taking a child from a women who, if provided resources, could have a chance at doing alright. I always saw adoption at stepping in to help. He felt that help could come in other forms to keep mom and baby together. I never thought of it that way and then shared his concerns absolutely. That's why another ivf shot with oe or de at our new clinic made more sense. Dh has always been a rock of support for me. It was not easy at times but I'm blessed to have him by my side. It's also important for an intended father not to feel ouside the game. So that I'd recommend ladies to have their sweethearts for help and support at each stage of the treatments. They should know they're needed.