Infertility Support
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infertility 45+

Hello everyone! I’m 47, married, no kids. My DH and I have been TTC for 9 years already. I’ve got pregnant in 2012, but there was problem with my kidneys and doctors had to terminate pregnancy. There is a very high risk for me to get pregnant again. We decided to use services of surrogate mother. Surrogacy is forbidden by law in our country and we are looking for options abroad. Which country is better to go? Which clinics are better to address? How long it takes to find sm? I read that sometimes it takes years. Is that true? I’m not getting any younger. I’m afraid that my eggs won’t be valid in a couple of years. I don’t want to lose time. I’m afraid it may be too late for us and there will be no chance to become parents.

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I'm so sorry about your situation dear! You made a great thing you came here. We are all in the same boat. Who else can understand better than we do? It was also hard for me to open up to people I don't know. But here we can receive support and understanding which sometimes we can't get from our family or friends. I know how hard it is to find a clinic. Recently I was in your shoes. Though search can take some time but eventually you'll find the best place for you! We found clinic in Europe. They've already found sm for us and we are waiting for our baby to see the world) I wish you good luck with your search!

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Hello, dear desperate mom to be. I am really grieved over your condition. It takes time to accept the harsh truth. Accepting reality helps in finding alternatives that can help in future. For you, it is important to realize that at your age things get really complicated. The life is not as easy as it seems. This is a natural transition. The women lose the natural ability to produce healthy eggs after 35. After every passing day, they start decreasing in quality and quantity. In order to save yourself from mental stress and trauma, it is important to think of going for assisted reproduction. Modern science has introduced a number of ways of getting artificially reproductive. In case you can't carry the rainbow then it is better to choose the best possible alternative rather than wasting time. The more you waste time waiting for natural conception the more challenging it would become. It is the right time to think for processes like surrogacy. It has done miracles for the IPs. I hope that your decision turns out to be really a change maker in your life. Good luck with your life. May you find the best in your life.

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A great piece to console the grieving lady to desperate to be a mom and too strong to not give up even if the odd seems high. :) You're right, with assisted reproductive technologies it's not impossible to have a baby for postmenopausal women either and best tried when the need is dire. Plus, there are numerous success stories with the older couple to keep one's hopes high, who knows maybe a miracle awaits them too.

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Hello hun! Thank you so much for your support. I'm so glad to talk to you. It's so hard to find someone who will understand, support and give advice. I appreciate you shared some thoughts and info. I will consider everything you told. I'm sure it will help me in my journey. I will definitely update my thread as soon as I will have some news about my surrogacy. I wish everyone all the best! I want to say to all of you who face infertility don't ever give up! Don't ever let anyone to make you doubt in your choice. Because this choice can give you happiness you are dreaming about! Now I will go looking for a center or a clinic. As I've mentioned already I want my journey to start as soon as possible. So I will have to do thorough research to make this happen.

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Well that's hard to answer as there is loads of information to consider. Here's what bothered me then most when doing researches on surrogacy in the UK. The woman who gives birth is always treated as the mother in UK law and has the right to keep the child (Even if they’re not genetically related!) However, parenthood can be transferred by parental order or adoption.

Surrogacy contracts aren’t enforced by UK law (Even if you’ve a signed deal with your surrogate and have paid for her expenses.) It’s illegal to pay a surrogate in the UK, except for their reasonable expenses. Bear in mind also the father's rights in the UK. The child’s legal father or ‘second parent’ will be the surrogate’s husband or partner unless:

Legal rights are given to someone else through a parental order or adoption;

The surrogate’s husband or civil partner didn’t give their permission to their wife or partner

.

If your surrogate has no partner, or they’re unmarried and not in a civil partnership, the child will have no legal father or second parent unless the partner actively consents. I found all this really worrying, ladies..Then I'll continue with US surrogacy options

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Surrogacy in the United States remains unregulated at the federal level, with each individual state having its own laws (or not). The individual state laws vary widely even between states that are considered “surrogacy friendly”. For example, some states allow for surrogacy only for heterosexual couples, while others will allow married couples but not singles. Intended Parents should only consider surrogacy programs in “surrogacy friendly” states that have a supportive legal framework. Such states are well listed

on sensiblesurrogacy.com/surro... Moreover surrogacy process there is overwhelmingly expensive $60 – 150k!! Unless you have a kind family member or friend that is willing to carry it for you. Here one should not forget about unexpected outcomes. If for example, a surrogate backs out, or facing miscarriage, you automatically have to pay at least $5k to match with another surrogate! There seem too many costs that could be added at any time. A surrogate receives on average only $20 – 30k for the pregnancy. Needless to say that in some states, surrogate mothers retain a parental right to the child. They can also even pursue custody. Even though the embryos placed in the surrogate have both of your DNA, the surrogate mother’s name is on the birth certificate. Then you have to go through the process of adopting the baby in court. The biggest factor of all is time. You've written right before. It can take YEARS. All of the legal paperwork, signing a contract, matching a surrogate, having the surrogate go through the work-up, and so on it might have been a year or two since you actually started the process. Situation varies with European clinics..I'm writing further

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First, I'd recommend visiting oursurrogacyblog.wordpress.... The lady is just awesome! She's writing about every other thing she experiences with her surrogacy plan#2.

I should say undergoing surrogacy at European clinics is relatively affordable. For example, the all-inclusive plans at my clinic starting at 32k up to 50k. The price covers everything outside of the plane tickets. This means just everything starting from medical costs to all things that involve IVF for you if you are using your own eggs, surrogate screening and birth at the hospital. It is also the same price if you choose to use donor eggs instead. If the first surrogate doesn’t work out, they will try again with another using your frozen embryos until they are successful. On the other hand, lagislation. Under Ukrainian law, the baby is yours from the moment of conception. Once the baby is born, the birth certificate is issued with IP names, and the surrogate cannot claim any rights. Lastly, the procedure is time wise as too many women participate in surrogacy there. You may also have a look onto asiu.us/ where American couple is describing their journey to Kiev. Hope this helps. All the best with your researches!

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Hey, ladies! Hope you're well. Just dropped into to share. Surrogacy played an important role in our lives as this very way we got our sweet long awaited baby. I was born without a womb which purely made it surrogacy/adoption path. Though I've never been 100% there. Adoption sounded even more strange to my ear, dh had another point of view. Finally after months of emotional strugglings we applied for surrogacy with a European clinic. Our embryo was implanted in the summer 2013. Our tiny bean was said to be just perfect so we felt we weren't near the hassle. Our minds fully sat on rest..Can't say why - we just trusted the place, its staff, the things were going just right. Our beautiful Laria was born weighing 8lb 12 oz. She was born by planned Caesarean on March 17, 2014. I was ale to be at our surrogate's side in the operating room. Saw everything with own eyes. It was amazing! A new life coming into this world..so tiny and sweet and lovely. The surrogate healed well but a bit longer than expected. Her body became to weak to resist meds affects..Poor thing she was, dear. Some people say surrogates are purely exploited for a sum of money and that usually there are no friendly relationship between IP and surrogate. Personally I don't believe this. Well, I can't understand this better to say. For me it's impossible to stay appart from a surrogates needs, worries, whatever. We lived the story with her from the first day to our last. We still keep in touch with her. As far as we know, she's planning to carry one more baby for a Norvegian couple which is absolutely amazing! We're happy to hear some news from her from time to time. She always asks us about our daughter.. I know she's wishing the best only. So for those considering surrogacy treatment I'd recommend searching a good clinic with high success rates in Europe as it is more affordable and seems more favourable as for surrogacy laws. Be patient as much time is needed for studying all sort of information. Do never be in haste with decisions.

Also, AngelLika, let me ask you what clinic did you use? Were you satisfied with the services? Anything you wish you knew before applying for surrogacy with the clinic? Any hidden costs?

I believe it's helpful to share experiences on the point and finding more people sailing in the same boat..For me it definitely was! Thanks.

Wishing all of you a fab week! :)

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Hi hun! I just wanted to say a huge thank you. Your words made me to wake up. My congratulation with your successful surrogacy journey! I'm so happy about you and your family. I wish all the best to you and your little princess. I'm really happy to know you made your dream come true! You inspired me to keep going no matter what. I don't want to lose my time. Each day matters because I'm not getting younger. I will be happy mother of my precious child. Everyone will see that it's never too late. And it's not too late for me. Thanks again for sharing your story. I feel so inspired! It’s so nice to talk to someone with experience. I wish you all the best hun!

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I am so sorry for you. It must be so painful for you but don't worry. Something great would be written in your fate. I am so sorry but This is a bit old to give birth. Surrogacy is legal in Europe. I think you should go for it. There is a clinic in Europe. It is renown for its success. I know this is an unnatural but only way to have babies. Just go for it if you want to be a mother. I went to the same clinic to have a baby. I am so happy that I made a right decision. I found a surrogate from the clinic. She was healthy and gave birth to healthy baby. I hope this would work.

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hey there! I hope you are doing great. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. It is a very painful process. As I went through the same. I lost two babies while trying to conceive. The doctors said my kidneys were failing. I kept trying and stayed hopeful. I went for surrogacy. And it was the best decision of my life. I am a happy mother of a baby boy. I can say that it is totally safe. and the baby is healthy too. I hope you become a mother soon and find happiness, thank you.

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Hello honey! I'm so sorry you couldn't conceive right away. But it's so nice to see you found the best solution. I'm so happy to know surrogacy worked for you! You are reading my mind. These are the exact things I think about surrogacy. With each day I'm more and more convinced that surrogacy is the best option for me to have children. I'm so happy for you! Such stories give me hope that my surrogacy journey will also end up with having my own baby. Thank you for your advices! I read lots of information about European reproductive centers here on this forum. I will definitely look more into Europe. There are really many professional clinics. The only thing which left for me is to find the best one. I hope to find as much information as I can to make my journey not perfect but at least to have as less troubles as I can. I know we can't predict everything but at least I can do my journey as smooth as I can.

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Hello Raginna, I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles! However, I'm overwhelmed by the fact that you didn't give up and didn't settle for a child-less life just because the odds are numerous. It's a good call to move onto surrogacy and wish you all the luck in finding success. Here are a few things that might help... you need to decide on your budget first. US offers a highly advanced medical facility that you can totally count on and the success rates are convincingly high as well but from the affordability perspective it's a hard try, especially if you're not a US citizen. So is the case with all the top countries. Depending on your budget, you can choose from Spain, Czech Rep or Ukraine if you prefer Europe. The Medical facilities are reliable and the legal procedure is quite lenient if you can provide them with apt reasons that surrogacy is your only option. In fact some of the clinics that specialise in surrogacy and have programmes for overseas clientele even help you fully with all the paperwork. Yes, the matching and the whole procedure will take some time... but then good things take a little longer right! Wish you all the luck in the world to find the right clinic and success with surrogacy. XOXO

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" Hey Reginna Thanks for sharing your words with us. Sharing is good thing, I hope you will get good pieces of advices here.I can understand what you are going through. I was also in the same boat few years ago. Its good to know that you people didn't give up and still fighting which is really great. Difficult roads often leads us to beautiful destination. Be positive dear beautiful destination is waiting for you.You are following a right path.Surrogacy will be perfect for you.Whenever we choose some new procedure, all these questions comes in our mind. They all are natural. From my point of view Eastern Europe is best in this regard as they are very affordable and doing best services in this field.I request you to be positive my dear. You are going to love your journey.Good luck"

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Hi dear! I really appreciate your support. Your words are so inspiring! Everything you've told is true. Nothing should stop me from my desire to have children. I want this more than anything else. Actually now it's the only thing I want in my life. We've been trying to conceive for so long... There is nothing I can do to return all the time back. So now I can't let myself to waste any minute. Thank you for sharing some thoughts and info. I will consider everything you've told. We've been thinking to ask someone a relative or a friend to be our surrogate. But eventually we decided it will be better to use services of a stranger. I hope to find a center or a clinic which will rule the whole process. And also we want to ask lawyer for advice. We should find one which will help us to make the process smooth.

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You can look for a clinic in Europe. Eastern Europe has some great fertility clinic. They have a great success rate. They are affordable. They even provide you with accommodation. Which is included in the cost of the treatment. They take care of the food. They try connecting you with a surrogate as soon as you sign up. They look after the legalities as well. I am sure you will be satisfied with the services overall. The doctors are great. You can watch videos on youtube as well. The staff is friendly. I wish you all the very best of luck. Keep me updated on what happens next.

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Girls thank you so much for support! I'll consider your advices. It's so nice to talk to someone who is at the same boat. We've been TTC for so long... To be honest I'm exhausted. I want my surrogacy journey to start as soon as possible. I'm tired of waiting and hope for nothing. I believe surrogacy will give us a chance to live happily. I decided to concentrate on European clinics. They have pretty reasonable prices. USA prices so high I doubt we can afford to have surrogacy here. I hope I'll find something during next month. Don't want to waste time any more. I'll update as soon as there will be some news.

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I'd say, the US surrogacy prices are overwhelmingly!! high! Up to $150k is extremelly high! Besides the US law is quite tricky. Here's what I've read somewhere on the internet when self-educating. Surrogacy in the United States remains unregulated at the federal level, with each individual state having its own laws (or not). IP

should only consider surrogacy programs in “surrogacy friendly” states that have a supportive legal framework.

Most people use one to arrange a gestational surrogate. There are about 100 agencies now operating in the US. They act as go-betweens and only app. $20k is given to a SM, all the rest of money goes to agencies and lawyers! which I personally think is unfair. Agencies also collect any fees that get passed between you and the surrogate, such as paying for her medical expenses. Then you should choose a surrogate who:

Is at least 21 yrs old.

Has already given birth to at least one healthy baby so she understands firsthand the medical risks of pregnancy and childbirth and the emotional issues of bonding with a newborn.

Has passed a psychological screening by a mental health professional to uncover any issues with giving up the baby after birth.

Signs a contract about her role and responsibilities in the pregnancy, such as prenatal care and agreeing to give you the baby after birth.

I hope this contributes to your research :)

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Hello everyone who is reading my thread! I wasn't active for a while... I haven't done any research on surrogacy during more than a week... It makes me so angry at myself that I'm wasting time, but... There is a reason for my inaction. I don't want to whine and complain. I know that doing those things is just a waste of time. But I feel like I need to talk to someone. It feels like the whole world is against our intention to have a baby. Last week I met my old friend. We studied in college together. We met in a local store. She was with her kids, 9 and 2 yo. Of course she started to ask about my kids and I told her I don't have any. And she was like "OH REALLY?" She was looking at me like I'm crazy person. The only thing I wanted to do at that moment is to disappear. I wanted to explain myself and I don't know how this happened but I told her that we are planning to have surrogacy. Usually I don't tell about it and only the closest people know about it. And what do you think she told me? "Oh honey, don't be stupid. It's too late for you. Just let it go." And she was stupidly smiling and she had that dumb smirk on her face as if she knows everything about me and can tell me what I have to do with my life. Not only I was mad at her, but I was mad at myself. Why? Why have I told that bitch about surrogacy? Why I even care what she thinks? I have so many thoughts in my head now! I'm so angry! Why do I care what someone who means nothing for me thinks about my choices? And I'm just sitting here, doubting my intentions to have surrogacy. What if she's right? What if it's too late for us? I hate this.

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My dear, I'm sorry you've got some shallow & light minded people by your side. You shouldn't take her word this personal, hun. Fertile ladies will never understand us - infertile ones! NEVER! We are just lucky from time to time seeing someone more compassionate. But this happens not that wanted often. All of my local friends had been having babies in quick succession. And avery announcement caused me so much pain knowing I'd never have kids on my own. Guess what? I just avoided seeing them/any kid-centered gatherings/everything which was a constant reminder I was infertile. And I feel absolutely ok about it. You shouldn't be so tough and rough and critical to yourself. You're at the begining of a great journey. You have your family who I hope supports you the best they can. If you happen to run into your old 'friend' again, just say hello, hope you're fine, I need to go..and simply go your way -- no details/thoghts/emotions. I'm sure it will work well for your self esteem. You said right, we don't choose. We have things chosen for us with infertility. Noone chooses to be born without a womb like me, or have some heart disease preventing her from healthy pregnancy -- NOONE ever! And yet one more thing. I really got fed up with phrases like 'you've still got a plenty of time' and 'it will happen'. Because I wanted to know exactly how much time more is needed and when it will actually happen, which is natural for every struggling woman. I have so much to tell you sharing my experiences/worries/relationship whilst undergoing surrogacy. If you want some steam off - I'm here for you :) Again, please, hun, be kind to yourself. Never let people bother you this way. You aren't alone XX

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I'm so sorry. It is very hard, and the majority of women who are fertile just do not understand. Like you, I long for a child. Right now it is just DH and me. And every day we pray for children. I always say I would be so happy if I could just have one, but really I know I want 2. Ironically, I think my faith in God has actually gotten stronger in this whole ordeal. I also realize that the testing of my faith makes me a stronger person. Even though I have not gotten my BFP yet, I feel the peace and comfort. Some days may be hard. Sometimes people can make us feel miserable. They can take away our hope by just saying a few words. But we should be strong for us, for our husbands and for our future children.

I truly hope the above doesn't offend anyone who may not be religious whether it be because of infertility or not. It is totally normal to feel like God has forgotten about you when you are going through something like this that hurts so bad. It helps me to remember all of the blessings He has given me. And it also helps me to do something nice for someone else. Serving others gets my mind off of my infertility. Of course, it's easier said than done. I certainly don't always do the right thing, but I try anyway. My plans for the coming week are to send some flowers and good cheer to a friend who just had surgery and has NO family, no husband, no children, no parents, only one brother who lives very far away. Also I’ll bring some food and goodies to local animal shelter. It always makes me feel much better, especially when I have rough days.

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Hello OP! How is your surrogacy going? I'm so sorry about your situation. I also can't carry a baby. I had 6 MCs. I'm so exhausted and depressed. We are also thinking to try surrogacy. I've only started my search. I'm new to surrogacy and don't know much about it. But I hope to find some info here and on other forums. As I know for now US has the highest prices. Many women recommend European clinics. They have lowest prices for the same services. I didn't choose the exact country yet. All of them have different laws concerning surrogacy. I'm planning to consult with a lawyer first. I hope to see some updates from you!

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Hi dear, how do you do? I have read your post and it makes me really sad. I wish you for good health. I can feel your pain. simultaneously, it makes me happy too, that you are going to stand with surrogacy. it is a good decision. I have infertility eggs. Due which I am not able to carry a child in my womb. my friend told me about surrogacy. her sister was a heart patient. doctors asked her to not to be pregnant. she decided for surrogacy and has a baby boy.

I was also worried about the efficiency and effectiveness of the process and the clinics.

I make a thorough search on it and find that in Europe many clinics are best for surrogacy. they have their own surrogate mothers.

I suggested you get information about European clinics.

wish you good luck.

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I'm with you. In general, there is a much more comprehensive legal framework for surrogacy in Ukraine. Other European countries either prohibit surrogacy altogether, or they allow surrogacy agreements only the surrogate is unpaid. For those countries that allow surrogacy, the laws typically give all parental rights to the surrogate until a court process (a ‘Parental Order’ for example) can transfer the rights from her to the Intended Parents. In these countries the surrogate has the right to keep the baby if she chooses — but this is not the case with surrogacy in Ukraine.

Ukrainian law states that the legal parents of a child are depicted by DNA only and therefore one or both of the intended parents will be legally cited as parent. The couple must be married in order to confirm dual parental rights. No biological material is taken from the chosen surrogate. The surrogate mother will carry the baby but will have no legal, parental rights after the birth. Comprehensive tests are carried out to ensure all potential surrogates are in excellent physical and mental health. They have at least one natural child. Are under 35 years of age and have no contra-indications to pregnancy. There are laws determining who can serve as a surrogate mother, what clinics can do IVF and surrogacy procedures and the procedure of registering the intended parents and registering the baby as theirs.

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hey there. how are you? do not lose hope. there is a good clinic in Ukraine. Biotexcom. it provides patient with accommodation. proper food is provided. work is done professionally. you can go search it up. I hope you make the right choice. ill pray for you. keep trying. fate has happiness for you. I believe you can do it. sending you baby dust.

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If it's Ukraine choice, I know for sure, intended parents should provide medical reports or conclusion from a doctor. It must justify their decision to proceed with a surrogate mother. This can be medical confirmation about unsuccessful IVF with embryos of high quality in the past, for example. Your doctor needs to certify that one of the following is true: Absence of a womb (inborn or acquired). Deformation of the uterus, making pregnancy and delivery impossible. Synechi of womb cavity, which cannot be cured. Somatic diseases, which prevent carrying a pregnancy, by putting the women’s health or life at risk. Unsuccessful IVF attempts (minimum 4) with embryos of high quality. Families through surrogacy deals regularly with reliable providers in Ukraine and receives much feedback. Pricing for high quality surrogacy programs ranges from USD 38k to USD 51k. Living costs in Ukraine are very cheap so you won't need any extra sums spent. This very country is worthy considering by all means.

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Hi everyone! What news do you have? To be honest I've been stressed last couple of weeks... All these negative thoughts made me lost in time... I've been thinking over and over again about all that things which my "friend" told me. She made me doubt about my choice and this is not a good thing. This was a huge lesson for me. No one should stop us from reaching our goals. There are so many people who think they can tell us what to do. They judge us so easily. They don't even think they can hurt our feelings and our mind. But the thing is they don't know how we feel and what we have to face during our battle with infertility. The best thing for us is to just ignore them and do what is the best for us and our family. I understand that I was so stupid that I let her words to make me doubt in the thing which is now my only option to have children. I wasted so much time thinking about her words, thinking about her opinion which has nothing to do with me. I'm so glad to be back here. It made me so happy to see your replies, all your support. Thanks to you I'm back again. I will definitely continue my search about surrogacy. I don't have time for stress, depressions, for thinking if this option is good for me or not. Because I've already decided that surrogacy is the best for me and my husband. Anyway these days helped me to understand that no one and nothing will stop me from reaching my goal. I will never ever listen to anyone who would tell me surrogacy is wrong and not for me. I will do everything possible to make my family happy. To make myself happy. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I will definitely consider everything you've told me in my search. From now on I will find all information I need to start my surrogacy journey. This will be kind of a challenge for me. In a month I want to see huge result. I want my journey start in as soon as possible. So I will do everything to make it happen.

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Hello everyone who is reading my thread! How you're doing? What news do you have? I have a little update and I want to share it with you. So a couple of days ago I met my other friend. And what do you think? She started asking me is it true that we are planning to use surrogacy. When I asked how she knows she told me that B told her about it. B is the friend I met at a supermarket. I can't believe she told everyone about it! I want to go back in time and take my words back! I suppose they discussed me and my plans about surrogacy. It drives me crazy when I think what they were talking about me. Anyway I can change nothing. I'm trying not to think about this situation. This is really stupid to think about what other people think about me. They know nothing about my life and situation I have. I'm keep going and looking for information about surrogacy. My husband and I will have a meeting with a lawyer in a couple of days. We want to discuss all aspects of surrogacy and how we can avoid risks. We have already made a list of questions which we want to discuss with our lawyer. I just wanted to ask maybe you have some advices what should we ask? I really want to know all information on law part. I hope we won't miss any detail.

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