Recently diagnosed

[Kkmarie]

Hi, I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers (ASD the new term) at age 31. I actually found out I was partially diagnosed with it as a child in November through years of my mother hiding the diagnosis from me. I am working full time in a helpdesk role which I love doing but have problems working and socialising as a team. I can't work out when someone is being serious or just being sarcastic and have had a lot of problems dealing with new processes. Especially when dealing with a manager who has no idea how I work. They actually had to move me to a different department due to serious depression. I've been on a first written warning since last year which has now been put on hold due to occupational health getting involved. They have made lots of recommendations but I know I am not wanted back in my original role. Any advice?

[Diana71]

Hi my son who is 21 was suspected of having Aspergers yrs ago but was never fully diagnosed, he also has problems with people being sarcastic or joking it has put a real strain on his life as he never knows how to take ppl !! I think it's ridiculous that u never really know and that u have to struggle throw life !! I understand that things can be really difficult reading ppls body language and I really hope u can get some comfort from this post !! My son went through depression (I believed it was because ppl didn't understand him) now he has come out the others end of depression a smart young man who has great knowledge ( through his own research) as there was no one there to help him !! Please educate urself as in his experience there is no one else going to do it for u !! This system is rubbish and if they r unsure of ur diagnosist!! Wishing u all the best u can do it on ur own if u r determined xx

[Diana71 in reply to Diana71]

He educated himself on mindfulness and Buddhism they really helped him 😊

[SMB21 in reply to Diana71]

Hi I was interested to read your post as I have concerns that my partners son is on the spectrum, he and I (both myself and my two teenage boys use irony and sarcasm etc...regularly) struggle terribly me because he can never answer me properly or make a decision and me because at age 11 believe he should be able to think and do things for himself

My partner and his ex wife have just been burying their heads in the sand for years and only recently the more i have noticed have i been pushing my partner to get him help and a diagnosis and a way to deal and help him going forward hes due to start high school in Sept

what you have written is my worst fear for him because hes been kept in a bubble by his parents and grandparents, he has had incidents at school about bullying because his eating habits are poor too he only eats ltd foods and usually has dry crackers everyday

I have tried to help my partner and his son getting videos, books, and trying to talk to him about taking responsibility for doing things himself ..

my difficulty is if he has ASD then this is unlikely to change and he does need a lot of support as he has nothing in terms of support for ASD as no one believes this is what the issue is .... or is it just his upbringing generally and that everyone just wraps him in cotton wool and does everything for him ?

from what I have read ... he has a lot of the traits, inability to recognize he should say hello and goodbye, when he wants someone to ask for it by their name not just speak at you from across the room ? lack of motivation, lack of friends, no conversation, always yes/no/don't know answers to everything, very little use of imagination when suggest we do something, parents takeing the easy option and leave him to play on xbox sometimes for 5/6 or longer

I am at my wits end on how to deal with it .....

[Diana71 in reply to SMB21]

Hi it certainly sounds like there is something like ASD present, I took my son to specialists till he was 13 ( they all suspected ASD or highly sensitive child) but a diagnosis was never given as I stopped taking him when he was 13/14 as it was the same thing every time and my son became really distressed going !! We had a long hard road with him as I said his eating was and still is very limited, his ability to tell if someone was joking ( everything taken so literal) he would come home from school and would talk for hrs sometimes crying about how the teachers were treating him and blaming him for things he never done ( he was popular with the other pupils thank god) after some running back and forward to the school we all came to the conclusion that it was his understanding of conversations and interpretations that was causing the problems between him and the teachers, even though not much changed as teachers don't have the time or patience to deal with these situations!! I watched a lot of you tube videos about ASD which helped a lot I think he should see a specialist though as there is defo something going on in his head by the sounds of it !! Again as I said my son went through a deep depression for 2 yrs from 17-19 which was awful and I really believe it was because Ppl didn't understand him !! He is now 21 and doing great he still has difficulty with taking things literally but is coping better with it !! I wish u all the best of luck and hope to hear from u again !!

[SMB21 in reply to Diana71]

thank you so much for your reply it helps me believe i am not going mad .....however, as I said I am his dads partner and one can only raise concerns for so long and when action isnt taken you end up pulling away again... which is the way I am heading

his son has slept in a double bed with his mum for the last two years since moving out of their home, despite there being a spare room, which they have apparently been decorating now for over 9 mths my partners ex doesnt work and her mum works part time so no excuses as to why they cannot get this done in 9 mths, yet everyone in the family thinks this is ok and acceptable, personally at the age he is he should be sleeping in his own room.

I just believe for me this is too big a challenge to take on alone ive suggested a number of things that if this was me and my child what I would be doing but none of it resonates with the thought process that he is going to struggle later in life when hes out there working it out for himself and the impact and effect this can have when he doesnt know how to deal with things

i am absolutely exhausted with the whole thing now....so i have decided for my own sanity and well being to leave his parents to it and not get involved as for the one day and night he is here 6 nights a week hes back in a bubble ....

I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and respond and i wish you and your son every luck in the world on life's journey and tell him well done hes doing a grand job

[Diana71 in reply to SMB21]

Some parents refuse to believe there is an issue with their child I have seen this many times and there's very little u can do about it !! Just hope someday soon they may listen to u as it's in the best interest of the child, not necessarily to get a diagnosis but to educate themselves on how to deal with their son it's the most important thing I think !! Naybe u should educate urself at least u will know how to deal with him and hope the parents follow suit !! Good luck and hope all works out 😊

[Minniewinny]

If you were good at your old post and you want it back... Focus and present your strengths, they are always your best assets.

Explain your condition and request their support from your management and workmates.

[Nozmo]

I presume you have told work about the ASD diagnosis? If so I would play that card. You have a medical condition that means you are (and THEY are) going to benefit from helping you out with certain working conditions. They should adapt to meet your needs as well, it isn't all about you trying to fit in by doing things that are completely alien to you.

I hate this modern working environment of open plan noisy offices and the emphasis on "The Team". If you don't fit in with this extrovert's ideal of what is conducive to productivity then they think there's something wrong with you! They have to understand that some people can perform far better on their own and allow them to do so.

Anyway, rant over. I hope you manage to get it sorted out - best of luck.