My PDA husband

About 2 weeks ago I booked an appointment for my husband to see a doctor. I think he has PDA. He told me he would go only if I book it. He was meant to use that appointment to tell the GP he needs a referral to get tested for autism. He asked me if I could go with him because he will have difficulties explaining. I arranged everything at work to get out and support him. When I arrived he was at the bus stop smiling. He said please don't be mad, they called me in early when I registered at the reception and I have seen the doctor already. I got a cream for my skin condition, because you said I could only talk about one problem to the doctor so I did. I wanted to kill him. I screamed at him. I sacrifice myself running here and there and back to work. He could not understand why I was so upset. When I got home I needed some answers. How could he screw up? He forgot our problems with our daughter and how we cried together the night before. It was a simple PDA in action example: he replaced a big demand by doing a small one, not taking into account the consequences and other people's feelings and expectations. Very frustrating.

19 Replies

  • Currently I live with my boyfriend who does not understand my problems. He thinks that my son is alcoholic and lazy. I myselft isn't too strong because I suffer from depression since that time when was born my son. My boyfriend is a big help for me at this time. But I have to help to my son..

  • I am so sorry to hear of your issues.

    It is NEVER too late. I think if he was willing to look at Blogs like Rikos blog it will give him an understanding that he is not alone . There are lots of people like him. It's giving the right Stratagies and understanding that helps.

    You can ask for a Carers assesment for yourself also and check that you are getting the right benefits you are entitled too.

  • Many thanks for you, my dear friend.

  • Thanks for you help. Merry Christmas for you and for you family!


    This company. Is very good. They work off Skype if necessary. They won't reopen till the 9 th January. Your husband must agree to the Consultation. They offer a service where they discuss the issues first.

    Have you approached your GP first. I have had a NHS Psychiatrist come to our house.

    You must make sure the Psychiatrist specialised in your husbands issues otherwise it will be a waste of time and money if you go down the Private Route.

  • My son does not agree to go to GP. Therefore, I am thinking maybe invite a psychiatrist to the house?

  • what price for consultation at clinic?

  • The cost will be discussed by the staff. Be warned it is very expensive. An example of this is a full assesment of a child for PDA costs about £3000.

    Psychiatrists cost on average £100 to £150 per hour privately . You would be much better off firstly going to your GP , explaining the situation . They have to make adjustments for people with issues like your son and accommodate his needs . If that means a home visit that should be made clear to prevent him being even more upset visiting a Surgery .

    Try your GP first. Xx

  • Thank you , dear. I am trying, but yet nothing changes. He is lying in bed and he even does not agree that I could to clean up his room. It's so dirty around. I don't know what I can to do?? I am completely powerless to change something. I have insomnia already...

    Dear, where do you live ? Could you come to talk with him? Of course I will pay you for that.

    My son's English is good!

  • I live in Scotland. You must go yourself to your Doctor and explain what is happening at home with your son. They may decide that he needs help in a specialist hospital . You can't cope with this on your own. It's unfair on him , he will only get worse and you can't provide the care he needs .

  • Scotland..:(

    Thank you ,dear

  • thanks very much 😊 I decided not to push my husband anymore. I might call a GP myself and ask for a home visit. We need the diagnosis because of our daughter and I can't let go. Nobody believes me. My daughter and I are in Croatia and visited his family. I talked openly but the mother who is the only neurotypical is in denial. The brother is definitely autistic but unaware, rude and arrogant. I told him my daughter has PDA and he said it doesn't concern him. I thought it should concern you because it's your niece. On top of that I talked to his ex-wife about their 6 year old child and no doubt he is autistic too. She is a psychologist and not autistic and she believed me. She will have him tested. Thankyou again

    Diana 😊

  • I am pleased the Psychologist has listened to your concerns and has decided to get her son tested. You must use the PDA Stratagies for your daughter.The information is on the PDA site as to Stratagies to be used to help reduce anxiety.

    You are an amazing lady coping with all these issues and a family in denial. I hope for e eryones sake you get the help and support you need.

    The Scottish Parliament will start the process next month of listening to evidence by people why PDA should be formally recognised at last. They will have to look at a lot of evidence before a decision is made. I hope they make the correct decision to formally recognise PDA.

    It will then help other Countries.

    There are Facebook Pages for PDA covering the World to help with advice and support.

    There is a Global Group listed. May be the Psychologist and yourself could set up a support group in Croatia for PDA ? Just a thought.


  • Thank you. It's great to hear that PDA will be recognized in Scotland. I live in England but originally come from Croatia. I might start a support group in Croatia. It is a brilliant idea. I will talk to a lady who is specialized in autism this afternoon. I cannot give up trying to spread awareness. If I had help and support 2 years ago my daughter would not have been self-harming and suffering in the mainstream school. Thank you so much for your help. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have people like you using their time and energy to support others. 😊 Diana

  • We are about to start the process of getting the Scottish Government to listen to the facts. I only hope and pray they make the sensible decision of recognising PDA. We are spreading awareness.

    Have you been to your MP ? Fight your case from every corner and get the help you , your daughter and family needs.

    Have you seen the latest story about a Bradford Mum who has spoken out because both her boys are now school refusing and she can't get the support for the PDA child because the Local Authority don't recognise.

    That would be fantastic starting a Support Group in Croatia.

    I hope you get the help and support soon.


    We can't be ignored and this condition unrecognised for ever. Remember the Hillsborough Parents, Justice and Truth, we can add recognition.


  • Hi, Would you know any private psychiatrist who can to come to the patient's house?

  • Hi,

    I hope the replies on the PDA Society Forum page helped you and you get your answers soon.

  • Hi,

    Thanks for the care. I really don't know how do I help for my son.. Maybe it already is late..:( He is of age. He drink alcohol, and I think he can not control it.

    And worst of all, he does not want to work, he does not want to go to a specialist and he does not want anything.

    He is waiting for money from me, and do not want to understand that my income is very low. I do not know how we make a living??

  • Dear Bizo, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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