Advice needed

This is about my son, He's 4 years old now, but since an early age he seems to be very different to other children. As a baby he constantly cried, never seemed to be happy at all. I couldnt take him the shops as he would scream the place down but now as he is older he just runs away an hides and won't answer when I call his name. He seems to also get obsessive over different things, might be a song or a toy, or phrases he has heard, which he uses in a very dramatic way using strange facial expressions. He also seems to ask a lot of people what house number they live at and remembers them for a long time. He also seems to do a repetitive run from one place in the house whilst humming and he could do this for hours on end if he hasn't been told to stop as it can be dangerous sometimes. He had an obsession with Thomas the tank a few years ago, which he distinguished each character through facial expressions, not actual colour or number. He doesn't seem to follow even the simplest instructions no matter how much I say it to him. He has melt downs a lot, although these are less frequent now he is older. That's just a few things really, I'd be here all day writing them all. I'm just not sure what to do? if I'm honest, he's a lot to handle and I sometimes struggle to deal with his emotional meltdowns an behaviour.

7 Replies

  • Hiya,

    Big hugs to you, I know how difficult it can be dealing with the fact that your child seems different.

    Have you gotten him assessed for the possibility of being autistic because what you describe seems like classic symptoms. I'm no health professional but speaking from observation based on my experience with my own son.

    It's a daunting possibility to consider but might be useful in empowering you as it would help you understand why he is the way he is and also open up channels to the best way to help him and yourself.

    There is loads of help out there both for yourself and your son.

    It is complex and something which never really goes away so feelings of being at the end of your tether are going to be quite the norm. It helps to talk to others and if you need to talk, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'd love to hear from you, share tips and advise.

  • Hello there. I thought I needed to reply because of this sentence in your post: 'He also seems to do a repetitive run from one place in the house whilst humming and he could do this for hours on end if he hasn't been told to stop as it can be dangerous sometimes.' It reminds me so much of my son. My son used to make fighting noises as well. I was told that it was a way for him to relax himself. My son has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, by the way. I think you need help from your GP quickly, not just for your son but for yourself as well. He needs to have a proper assessment done. Following this he should get all the need he needs. He needs to be equipped with as many social tools as possible. My son got a lot of help as he was growing up and I was lucky enough that he is a very bright and sensitive boy. At 5 the teacher recommended that he may have to go in a Special School. He is now 17 and is doing his A-Levels in maths, physics and chemistry (he just got his AS levels and got As and Bs). What I am trying to say is that is that the issues your son is facing should be dealt with, so that he can achieve his full potential. I hope my comments will help you. By the way, I believe that my son still does his 'walking around' thing but he knows now how to pretend he is not. Good luck.

  • Hi There,

    Made me smile when I read your post as brought back many memories of my only son who has aspergers and is now a lovely 17 year old young man with an equally lovely steady girlfriend with a bright future ahead of them.We were lucky to get a very early diagnoses as his nursery staff spotted things were not as maybe they should be.It was a welcome relief to know I wasn,t just a young mother not coping very well but that my son was extra difficult for a reason.I would be lying if I said it was a breeze bringing him up as you couldn,t be further from the truth!The good thing is that me,my husband and son got through it together and are all very close.To see my son now it's hard to believe that 10 years ago I couldn,t take him anywhere without causing a scene.On days out with friends I could not relax for 1 second or drop my guard as I never knew what my son would do next!I used to dread going anywhere as people would stare and say things like oh look at that spoilt brat and his mother is doing nothing to tell him off.It would upset me a lot in the beginning but became water off a ducks back.I wouldn,t change my son for all the tea in china and that is the honest truth.We all laugh together when my husband and I tell him story's about him growing up and things he used to do.He has learnt to live with his autism although he still has some autistic traits which are visible but he uses these to his advantage.See your doctor with your son and if he has a problem they will spot it and give you all the help and advice you need.Times have changed a lot and autism is a word most people have heard of and know something about which is a good thing.Don,t be afraid to ask for help if you need it,nobody expects you to be wonder woman!Good luck with everything.You and your son will be fine I just feel it. With love.Vanessa.xox

  • Yes, you could be describing my son, he has autism. Unfortunately he`s in his 30`s now and we had to fight to get a diagnosis (we didn`t get one until his late 20`s), which given earlier would have meant he would have stood a better chance in life.

    I echo what Vanessa (Bingo 2004) says too. I have lost count the number of people who said he just wanted a good spanking. The obsessive behaviour, my son will always have, he screamed and screamed, sometimes he hardly slept, we dreaded anything waking him up in the night, once awake he`d scream non-stop, we wondered how someone so small could scream for so long, other times he`d go to bed around 4p.m. on day and wouldn`t wake until lunch-time the next. day He only ate a very limited selection of food and didn`t speak until he was around 4 years old.

    He collected and lined things up, mainly clothes now. Clothes were an issue, he`d take everything off and lie in a corner under a sheet, shops, particularly children`s shoes were a nightmare, they`d always be upstairs and he hated shoes, heights and stairs he`d just fall to the floor and you had a job to move him, he`d be screaming at the same time....I could go on and on.

    Your first port of call needs to be your GP, write down everything you can to help them understand the situation, if needs be drop the letter off before your appointment to give the Doctor time to read it, you will probably find yourself telling your story many times and you`ll need to be persistent.

    I wish you well, I know how difficult it is.

  • Thank you so much for your replies, I'm going to make an appointment in the doctors tomorrow for a chat. I will write down things and take them with me. I've had a few people mention autism, and I realise that everyone with autism has different traits, but I didn't think that he could be as people I know with autism seem to be very different to him. The nursery hasn't said anything to me, although I've mentioned a few things but not everything as I don't want to seem like I'm over reacting in a way. He starts full time school in a couple of weeks so hopefully I can get a appointment before then with gp to see what he recommends. My partner says to me it's lack of discipline, and maybe I am too soft on him a lot of the time, but if I'm honest it's just to try and deter the meltdowns he has but sometimes it doesn't work. Thanks again for your replies xx

  • My Grandson is also 4 years old and your description of your son matches my Grandson's behaviour exactly. My Grand son has been preliminarily diagnosed with ASD but whether it is Autism or Asperger's has not yet been confirmed. He will be examined again in October when he should be formally diagnosed by a Consultant Child Psychologist. The problem I had was that my daughter refused to accept there was a problem. I knew there was when he was 18 months. It took until he started nursery at almost 4 years old before the School manager insisted on help from the education board. Then my daughter refused to sign forms to get psychiatric help for him. Now the process has started and he goes to primary school next week. He will have a special carer/teacher assistant in a mainstream school. I am still extremely concerned for him and other children and staff at the school. Your description of meltdown is what we use too. But I like to call a spade a spade. In reality my Grand son can be very violent. He is a danger to himself and others. He has drawn blood on many occasions including teachers in nursey, his other Grandfather and other children. He has also destroyed a £600 TV and other furniture. But he is so adorable at times. He loves cuddles and has a delightful sense of humour. I don't know if this helps you or not Miss McKenna. But you must insist at your son's nursery that he be given funding for an investigation into his behaviour. Go to your GP and tell him you suspect your son may have one of the ASD disorders. Don't take the cold shoulder from your GP. My GP told me my Grandson had behavioural problems. He had been diagnosed three weeks earlier by a Child Psychologist, with ASD. Hope this help you Miss McKenna. Feel free to discuss further if you wish.

  • well ask dr for a referal to see an autism specialist or GET ONTO FACEBOOK type in autism and apergers and there will be alot of other mums s etc in same boat.. like me and my daughter get help asp

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