Something Missing

[Aug69_]

Since being Hiv+ I always try to see everything in the positive way and have not let it get on top of me. However, always feel there is something missing. I am not a victim or a poor me. I don't know if it is because I hide my status and have not shared my status with friends and family. My status is part of me,I keep hidden due to fear of people's ignorance and I don't want people to define me by it.

[vitvit]

Yes, indeed, that becomes a part of us. But we don't let a chance of the supposed ignorance or just fears of other people to take place. There is some kind of intuitive feeling of precaution or self-preservation

[Chrissuffolk]

Yes. I feel the same...

[dvvb]

hey Aug69_! it was a year yesterday i found out i was positive and like you i always try to look at the positive side of everything and have not let this status get on top of me. i told only my sister and my best friend. yes it makes me sad sometimes but life goes on ans HIV does not define us. we are our same old self but with an addition of a pill or two a day. if you feel sad, or want to talk, i'm here. dvvb x

[AlexCA]

I've been pos for almost 16 years I am 37 now and I wish I had the support and information we have now. I don't see the need for disclosing status unless it brings a benefit of any kind (emotional, protecting my partner, obviously my doctor ) I normally recommend people not to disclose until they are completely sure is not gonna cause more troubles than benefits

[Chrissuffolk in reply to AlexCA]

Agreed on the sharing part here. Remember once you tell someone you can't untell them!

[Positive80]

Agree with all. I've been diagnosed since June 2015. It was a Shocking n still. Wont play the victim role as I take any consequences of things I do/ did. I have no intention to disclose my status to anyone. I'm unfortunately came from Arab background / Islam where they don't accept gay n HIV. Life is tough. You/ we will need to keep focused n positive ((we already positive :)) optimistic Meds are good these days. Iife has to continue. Try to focus on things you enjoy n keep doing them. We r sometimes forced to disclose our status when we think to work abroad As a good % of countries ban HIV which a topic I raised earlier on my profile. Try to engag here as we all must support each other. I genuinely wish you n everyone a very best of luck. X

[bad-monkey]

I just found out in October 2015 after a bout with pneumonia. A small group of friends found out while I was in the hospital. They have pretty much kept it to themselves as they said it is my news to share. I am not a victim. I just now have extra meds to take and I reveal it to my closest friends, family, and anyone I am sleeping with. Otherwise it is my business. I don't believe it is necessary to keep it secret, but it is my choice to share the information when I am ready.

[Trotski]

When something of such gravity is kept secreted away, the effect of that massive but dark thing is noticed but as an inexplicable force causing everything to list and sway unpredictably throwing everyone's sense of environment into a chaotic state. What you are missing is intimacy. I cannot tell you what to do about this, but I have only once been disappointed by another’s response to my truth. Most people sincerely want to empathize with you and not pity you.

[SJ65 in reply to Trotski]

well said , and should people respond negatively then , A; give them time , B; help educate them . Grow together it is a learning curve for all.

Keeping such a heavy secret is not good , but i can understand peoples reasoning for not being open to all.

[Aug69_ in reply to SJ65]

Trouble with being open is it doesn't only affect you. When I came out as gay my family suffered as people judged them and they took a lot of hassle for me being open. So my concern is if I tell people of my status and educate them,is it fair for my family to be harassed because of my need to be open. Things are not always black and white and we live in a society that is quick to judge without looking for the facts. A lot of people still see the old tomb stone adverts and think they will be infected. I am not willing to sacrifice my family for my openness, just couldn't be that selfish.

[Trotski in reply to Aug69_]

We all live in societies that express the same range of aspirations and foibles of its constituents, so indeed there are those who will react in a manner that is not ideal but when it comes to those we love and spend our time with, trust must be extended in order for there to be fully open communication. As awful as this may be, it is our tribulations and our response to those that both cause and witness them that, in the long run, form the kinds of people we are and therefore our places in society. One must decide whether it is nobler to face and live the truth for all to see or suffer alone in secret; either way those around us notice.

[Aug69_ in reply to Trotski]

I do agree but it is never just black and white. I am happy to stand out but not willing to scarefice my family to do that. All good on those who can step up and be counted. Happy to support in the background.

[Nomavolo]

Morning everyone, I am a 54 year old African woman from South Africa. I got infected in 2008 and didn't realize until early 2010 before our famous World Cup. I om on medication since 2011 and have so far done well the virus is undetectable. I made a choice of disclosing my status because for me keeping it a secret was a huge burden and caused me lots of stress. However, this is proving difficult for future partners I haven't dated since I was diagnosed. I met someone recently and decided to tell him before we got intimate and he wants nothing to do with me. It's a big blow to me but life goes on.

Anyone who has had the similar rejection, how do you cope? Any suggestions?