PTSD old and new

[Potter123]

I got out of the navy 10 years ago with a laundry list of issues. I count myself extremely fortunate that I was never in a real fight, as I'm not sure I could've coped with the aftermath. But that being said, our squadron had some of the highest levels of divorce, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and suicides in the military, for many strange reasons I won't get into. We were under ridiculous stress and it caused many of my friends to fall apart, and I wasn't far off. We were all very well trained by some of the best war fighters in the world, and were extremely confident in our abilities. But time and time again found ourselves crippled by bureaucracy and poor leadership, leading to some odd and sad consequences.

Anyway, after getting out I worked extremely hard to get my mind right, getting into yoga, meditation, so much that I even became a meditation teacher, and I made a lot of progress. However, during the beginning of the pandemic my best friend and housemate had a very serious manic episode that resulted in me having to call the sheriff to take him away before he hurt himself or me. This all unfolded over a few days and is a very long story. The important part is it was the most stressful independent event that I've ever experienced, and had to make some really hard decisions thats still haunt me.

My friend is also a navy veteran, and we had a lot of things that held us together as friends, and were able to lean on each other when dealing with past traumas and stressors from our service. But there was a moment during his episode where I was trying to drive him to the hospital (which was closed), we were driving down the highway and he was screaming bloody murder, that his head was exploding, and I was terrified of having another seizure. (a medical disorder from my service) He was acting so erratically so I grabbed his hand to try and comfort him, but I also made a decision in that moment.

While holding his hand and trying to comfort him, I also decided that if any part of him crossed a certain line in the car, I was going to start elbowing him in the face and neck until he was unconscious or worse. All of the sudden I was back on the boat, making quick decisions and disassociating myself from the potential violence that could occur if I thought he was going to grab the steering wheel. All of the sudden I was back in "list mode," as I call it. If this happens I'll do this, if this happens, this, and so on and so on. And it took me months to realize that I hadn't been able to get back out of this fight mode, and here I am a year later still struggling to recognize this trauma and work through it. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Potter123,

Thank you so much for joining and sharing your story.

I haven't been in the military as I have a different trauma.

Any big changes are going to take time to transition and changes in itself can actually trigger stress response. Having something that gives stability, no matter how small, can make the transition a bit more bearable.

I had to fight with my father in a life threatening situation and I understand fight/flight mode kicks in and it's really hard to get out of it.

It can take time unfortunately and it is not easy but worth to do the healing work even though at times it is extremely tough.

Having support and others you can turn to can make a huge difference.

There are really good trauma therapies, different options and there might be something that could resonate with you.

I am so sorry that you went through this very tough situation with your friend. It is heartbreaking and I'm very sorry you had to make decisions to prepare yourself if things got extremely dangerous.

I hope you are both able to be supported through the different struggles you are going through.

[Potter123 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thanks so much for your support and sharing your experience, it means a lot to me.

[Daveacr1959]

Trauma takes along time to heal. But time is your friend. Get 45 minutes of cardio exercise daily to produce endorphins that battle your anxiety and depression. Get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Take a 5 minute pure cold shower daily. Google cold shower therapy for mental health. Stay busy in a good direction. Avoid booze and illegal drugs. We are here for you!

[Hidden]

I had some hard years long ago, with some situations when I really though I was going to die. It was when I was I child and I thought I left all this in the past. Pandemic caused a lot of stress situations to me and I became to feel anxiety. Then nightmares began showing me once and again what happened. I was doing well, I though it was not going to affect me anymore. I can’t understand why everything returned again. Perhaps I feel in someway the same than you. I keep trying to go on with my life, wondering if someday past will be forever in the past