I hate everything: I have treatment resistant... - Heal My PTSD

Heal My PTSD

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I hate everything

DZRM profile image

I have treatment resistant depression on top of my PTSD. I am awaiting TMS therapy with the (hope?) that it will start to turn some of my symptoms around. I wake up on the verge of tears with a heavy heart every single day. Every pursuit I make in work and school unfolds into the worst case scenario. My life never improves. I had to move out of the nicest place I have ever lived in the nicest town I have ever lived in due to an abusive roommate. A boyfriend I loved more than anything abandoned my life like he never cared at all. Maybe I’d feel ok if these were isolated incidents but no. Nothing ever goes right or goes well. I have withstood a lifetime of abuse and misfortune and these things only just continue. I absolutely hate the experience of living life.

8 Replies
Lindyloo53 profile image

I’m sorry things are so rough for you right now. I myself suffer with treatment resistant depression but it does not go on forever and I have some very good moments in life. Even depression has moments of joy threaded through it. I can get into stinking thinking or catastrophic thinking but I can now identify this early and take steps away from it. I hope the therapy you are waiting on helps you.

I talked with a guy on here that had that illness. He got brave and tried the 2 medicines at once his dr wanted him to do. I think it was one medicine and a cholesterol pill because the medicine caused weight gain. I saved the email I can look it up. But a good shrink knows about treatment resistant depression and will know what to give. If you can force yourself to get 45 minutes of cardio exercise daily to produce endorphins that battle your anxiety and depression. And it’s proven a 5 minute pure cold shower shocks the depression and anxiety right out of you! Those are my go to things and my medicine. By the way, the guy who was a mess , is doing so good he left me in the dust and said he’s never felt better. And I have not heard from him in 4 months. Except once a month he shoots me an email.. saying never been better!

Roxylox profile image
Roxylox in reply to Daveacr1959

I would always finish off a shower with pure cold water. I don't time it but it definitely helps.

Daveacr1959 profile image
Daveacr1959 in reply to Roxylox

Good job! It needs to be at least 5 minutes for the medical benefits. 55-58 degrees is ok. But if you are healthy and used to it, they say it won’t hurt to go below 55.. but 5 minutes to 10 minutes is more important than a super cold temperature. I just got out of a 74 degree pool after swimming laps for 45 minutes. So I feel better. They say a pool should be 78-82.. and I can feel 74 is too cold vs 2 weeks ago it was 78.. I would do an hour with no problem. I had to jump out early.. I have to go to the gym pool now .. mine is not heated and getting too cold

In Ireland people are gone crazy for sea swimming. I love swimming in the sea but to my shame only went once, twice at most this year. Lots of people swear by sea swimming all year round, but it has got to be freezing in winter and spring

SavingGrace profile image
SavingGraceModerator in reply to Roxylox

I went sea swimming only twice this year, but twice also in the river on the Moor (lovely fresh clean spring water!!). All times so well worth while braving the 'fresh' elements, though I certainly will start wearing a wet suit again now it is cooler again and Autumn here :) It does my mental health so much good.

Roxylox profile image
Roxylox in reply to SavingGrace

I should buy a wetsuit, seawater to me is so much better

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Thank you for hanging in there and continuing treatment. I do believe things will get better for you. I have had a hard life as well, and I am encouraged by your tenacity. Are you happy with your current doctor? I went through a series of doctors until I found one who was really in tune with me. Keep hanging in there!

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