Help

[mcginnmx]

Okay, I been avoiding this for a long time. But my emotions are getting the better of me. I mean I am ok but I am not fine. This Coronavirus is bringing up bad memories that I have been trying to hide from. It started when my friend got sick from the flu. I blame myself, I was the last one to see him before he ended up in the hospital. I was only 16. Then 2018 was the worst year of my life. My cousin died of an overdose, my uncle fuzz unknown, my father and second cousin , and my uncle old age an that was within a year. I am only in my late 20s. An with this year, I found out that I am anemic with 2 anemia’s. But now I go outside for my elderly parents for food and groceries . I am afraid that one day I will go get the Coronavirus and I will be fine but it will hurt them. I had enough death in my life. I really wonder how you guys deal with this kind of stress. I mean I can deal with gangs, riots, thunderstorms, burglaries,fights, physical,mental,sexual abuse and homelessness . But nothing really triggers me more than death. I try to ask for help but all the people say is pray for me praying won’t help my problem. I need actual suggestions how to get better... how to be better. I had this emotional baggage for years and now it is building up into one.That and I am worried about people around me than myself. An I always do this in crisis situations. I try to make others happy but I don’t make myself happy. I am to worried about them to focus on me. Though I do have a plus side my cat who also suffers from ptsd following me around. When I used to have my nightmares that got terrible he would sleep right next to me. He is a funny cat.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

hi mcginnmx, good you have a wonderful boy kitty I bet he is adorable.

We are all having ptsd episodes I think. I am too.

Those kinds of thoughts come up with a trigger for me too. And feeling trapped inside for me is a bit triggering as well as other things.

What can you do to calm yourself?

I take an ativan, pet my kitties too, try to meditate or deep breathe.

I have done that too, that very thing, try to help others in crisis situations and ignore my needs. You deserve compassion and help too just as others do and me too.

Can you soothe yourself today? take time out for you and self care? I am trying to also.

what calms you even a little?

be very kind and gentle on yourself, you deserve it ok?

<3

[mcginnmx in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I used to draw comics,I went swimming to it was ok just my 10 laps in the pool. I think what I need to do is set a routine. I got laid off and my routine is off. An it help that I talked to my parents about this guilt. They understand and honestly I have been so numb for years. An I am finally crying it feels nice to cry. An your right I do deserve it. Thanks for the advise.