Medical worry trauma

I have been going through a hard time with my health and ptsd. I have been going to ER a lot past month and they haven't been doing anything and I've been breaking down. They just keep telling me it's in my head. Well it's not. I had my neighbour take me to a diff ER and they did an ultrasound and I have ovarian cysts again. My last ones burst just 2.5 months ago. I had my family out of town yelling at me because I called them to come get me a couple weeks ago and they refused I got upset. They treat me like I'm over reacting. I haven't been handling things well and trying to organize my care and my life. Past week I could only walk a couple blocks and eating instant dinners and cheerios. I'm too tired and just watching tv. I have had no answers so I melt down mood swings terrors of same stuff as before being abandoned. I have minimal 5 months wait list to see a specialist and these cysts will burst just like the last and the pain is worse than child birth and the recovery is long it takes months to clear it out of your system. I'm usually active person and eat healthy Ive been depressed because I haven't been able to do any of that since my last ones burst. You would think they would just not let you go through that but since it's not life threatening they sent you home it wouldn't happen to a guy!! I have to go off work I run out of medical EI in a few weeks and I will have to sell my car. Surgery if they do it could be more months away past that and recovery. I may have to sell all my stuff at 47 yrs old and rent a room....because they wouldn't listen to me for months it's been over a year I have had problems and I did my best to get care and they didn't do anything. I'm upset. I have to be on narcotic now because past few weeks the other meds aren't strong enough. It's embarrassing my neighbour had to help me undress and see me shaking and asking me about my family and had to tell her they just don't listen either...to worried about themselves and told me to go smoke some pot to relax. Like I didn't think of that myself and it didn't do much when I did try (it's legal here to buy it medicinal and I'm not a really a user or a drinker I was athletic). I'm just starting to get really angry and short tempered and my poor neighbours hear me cry and break down. Feel like a freak. I don't want to be on the narcotic not for so long it changes me and I know that. I haven't done very much wrong and part of my therapy in past 1.5 years was to trust and to ask for help. I went through bad health stuff before similar to this and it went very sideways I almost died and my family did not help until 10 past too late.

I don't understand why doc's and people don't listen when I say stuff is wrong. I'm very strong willed and determined I offer kindness and help others. I keep trying to figure out what I do wrong. I've been suffering badly physically and emotionally. I checked myself in at the hospital 1.5 years ago because I was overwhelmed by what I went through at that time and the fall out how I was treated by family and returning to my job they didn't want me back because I had been injured and was off a year from it. I had been through a recent divorce and my new boyfriend left me after I was in my accident. That was then and I think because I chose to go to the hospital to rest sort out take time out I am being punished as when I go to the ER now they just say I am depressed and stuff is in my head. But I knew it wasn't when things go wrong with my body I know the difference and I can't solve it myself. I can't be perfect or do all the right things when I'm physically in distress and emotionally. But even so I don't think I've done much wrong compared to their behaviour and just being checked out of what I'm dealing with. It's been 4.5 months I have been suffering badly and really its been going on over a year. I have barely gone out for over a year because I saved my energy to try to work.

I feel like yelling at my doctor it's not wise and won't but I hung up on my long distant boyfriend and he's been supportive. I just lost my mind when he said to look at what you are responsible for...like I don't. I know he meant well now we are both therapized to bits but the timing was wrong I was under too much stress and needed my pain killer he called just as I realized I was not coping again. I don't do well for the first 5 hours on the day do okay for two hours then need to sleep. This has been a lot.

If anyone has any ideas for coping I'd love to hear it. I wake up have coffee cry take my pills put on affirmations on youtube try to sort out my day in stages.

10 Replies

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  • Hi guitara. I'm so sorry to hear you have not been taken seriously enough. I think the medical professions often want to blame medical / physical problems on the "head" / "being in the mind" and sadly this means people with mental health problems get discriminated against, in that their physical health is overlooked. I'm sorry you have to wait so long for surgery. I can imagine the worry of the cyst bursting is causing you further distress.

    It sounds like your boyfriend only said what he did in the heat of the moment. I'm sure he didn't really meant it, especially as you say he has been supportive too.

    I've just submitted a post on calming the mind and reducing over thinking, so maybe you could try some of these techniques if you are not doing so already.

    Are you able to go for a gentle walk or anything and enjoy being in nature?

    Try not to lose hope....

    Keep posting on here, as we are here to support you

  • Do you feel like you are battling too many fires and cant address any of them properly? From the outside it sounds like if you can find one doctor who will treat you the way you deserve, and be dedicated and kind to you and do their best with you it could be one positive step, one less fire. Where i live it is possible to find ones like this that are covered by government, you just have to research

  • Hi guitara69,

    Did you try to go to your GP to get referral to the hospital, gynecology department, explain that it is very urgent? The doctor usually then orders some tests like ultrasound and gives a diagnosis.

    Maybe it is better to go this route instead of going directly to the ER, as sometimes the ER can send you home saying "this is not directly life threatening".

    I know that the doctors can be dismissive when see a history of any mental issues. So sorry to hear that you have been treated in such a dismissive way and that you are in so much physical pain. Everybody is entitled to basic medical care....

  • Thxs for responses. Past two days been in a lot of pain. I have had gp throughout & also went to others when felt stalled. I live in Canada. The referral process is slow. You can wait years for first consult in some cases then surgery. I've made noise & been kind. That's just it. I hit ER both because pain & hope. I asked for referral to gyn a year ago. My doc said no point you have no uterus & im not seeing a signs of you needing one. I asked for endocrine doc. I sensed my immune was issue. Constant infections fatigue I have psoriasis hair loss. He said stress again. They didn't even believe me something was wrong & refused scans after I just went through cyst rupture end of June. Today is my bat sh*t crazy. No sleep. And have a cold because run down. I'm not little miss sunshine today positive. I'm going to war at doc appt. which I'm just walking into. I will look at the flowers after lol!!

  • I am very sorry you are in so much pain and exhausted by this fight. It's unimaginable that you have to wait for so long when it's emergency type situation.

    I don't know how ovarian cysts can be just a stress. I understand hair loss is (cortisol) but that is a gynecology matter.

    I wish you all the strength to make the necessary steps and phone calls. Sometimes we have to push through. I hope you manage the pain...

  • Thanks for that. I have only gotten upset to point I lost it one other time when I fired my last doctor. She was a problem too. I did same things I'm doing now. I had herniated disc pinched nerve in my neck received flexiril for a brief period then refused more of that. I lived on robaxacet for 10 months till finally an ER doc did a scan and found it. At the time I did that I was in fantastic shape could bench 155 lbs. She said I was just stressed as I was going through my divorce and started a new job. There's a diff between pain and pain. When she got the report she actually cancelled my referral to my neurosurgeon. I had to call them back myself and say don't cancel it she's just mad I found the answer behind her back. Being pleasant listening kind requesting got me no where.

    I just went off on my doctor in front of a med student....that wasn't cool on my part. Should never embarrass someone in front of a colleague it's not code and I blew it. He asked me what he didn't address. I said you did address some things it's just you stopped when they didn't work. Now they are blown so far I'm a super mess. And I'm beyond broke from this process and there's nothing I can do about it myself. Aside from the med student being there....I'm ok with what I did & if I don't get results I need I will continue to fight for myself and raise hell. I wrote my Prime Minister I will write more people. Likely not effective but worth a try a documentation should I get mad enough I contact the news station down the road claiming discrimination against people with a mental illness...isn't that what we are labelled as??!!! ugh!

  • I am really sorry that it got to that point. Anger is a part of PTSD very often.

    It's hard to keep cool when you are in so much pain. Maybe your boyfriend can talk to the doctors and explain? I think sometimes it helps, not having to deal with triggering situation yourself. Just a thought.

  • Thxs. He has gone on the phone with me to appt since he lives across country. Just not last appt as he's away. It was helpful to degree.

    Yes anger is something I periodically go through under extreme stress. Usually is not case. But my anxiety is high. Saw psychiatrist today putting on low dose Zoloft which I'll try. It won't do anything she said as so low & needs time then increase it. & wants me in dbt workshop. I'll go see what I think but I think I've tried that but wtf.

    She said ultrasound report says no follow up required ( has access) but meanwhile I can barely walk & visible swelling everywhere & high pain. Is joke. I know diff when something's wrong.

    My sister wants me to leave my province go to hers & try to see gyn there our medical care is not country wide is emergency room only & it's tricky the rules. She has friend that is nurse in recovery room knows surgeons says I should come there they will try to pull a few strings. Money is the issue as if I get called for appt to specialist here in wait I don't have cash to fly back. & id be going there for awhile to try to set it up. I'm not sure what to do. As I'm trying to keep my car not sell it.

    Any opinions?

  • I hear you on money being tight. I'm trying to think of some options. I think first maybe still try and have another look at what's possible here where you live. If they say no follow up after scan then what's causing the pain? I mean, there has to be someone that will listen and take the time to see you. I would start by saying "I have this pain since x months/weeks and I would like to find what's causing it and solve the cause". And follow through when started. But I'm sure you already tried that...

    Sometimes it's a matter of finding another doctor who will listen.

    Great that your boyfriend helps when he can.

    I understand that anger that comes from frustration and feeling helpless.

    Not having health insurance is a major issue and without getting better it's pretty impossible to go back to work...

    Are there any patient advocates in that hospital?

    I really feel for you and your situation...

  • Thanks. Yes I'm trying to do this.

    I'm going to see how I feel take care if a few things here if possible & maybe wait for my boyfriend to come. He comes in a week. Thanks for your ideas appreciated

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