I have been going through a hard time with my health and ptsd. I have been going to ER a lot past month and they haven't been doing anything and I've been breaking down. They just keep telling me it's in my head. Well it's not. I had my neighbour take me to a diff ER and they did an ultrasound and I have ovarian cysts again. My last ones burst just 2.5 months ago. I had my family out of town yelling at me because I called them to come get me a couple weeks ago and they refused I got upset. They treat me like I'm over reacting. I haven't been handling things well and trying to organize my care and my life. Past week I could only walk a couple blocks and eating instant dinners and cheerios. I'm too tired and just watching tv. I have had no answers so I melt down mood swings terrors of same stuff as before being abandoned. I have minimal 5 months wait list to see a specialist and these cysts will burst just like the last and the pain is worse than child birth and the recovery is long it takes months to clear it out of your system. I'm usually active person and eat healthy Ive been depressed because I haven't been able to do any of that since my last ones burst. You would think they would just not let you go through that but since it's not life threatening they sent you home it wouldn't happen to a guy!! I have to go off work I run out of medical EI in a few weeks and I will have to sell my car. Surgery if they do it could be more months away past that and recovery. I may have to sell all my stuff at 47 yrs old and rent a room....because they wouldn't listen to me for months it's been over a year I have had problems and I did my best to get care and they didn't do anything. I'm upset. I have to be on narcotic now because past few weeks the other meds aren't strong enough. It's embarrassing my neighbour had to help me undress and see me shaking and asking me about my family and had to tell her they just don't listen either...to worried about themselves and told me to go smoke some pot to relax. Like I didn't think of that myself and it didn't do much when I did try (it's legal here to buy it medicinal and I'm not a really a user or a drinker I was athletic). I'm just starting to get really angry and short tempered and my poor neighbours hear me cry and break down. Feel like a freak. I don't want to be on the narcotic not for so long it changes me and I know that. I haven't done very much wrong and part of my therapy in past 1.5 years was to trust and to ask for help. I went through bad health stuff before similar to this and it went very sideways I almost died and my family did not help until 10 past too late.
I don't understand why doc's and people don't listen when I say stuff is wrong. I'm very strong willed and determined I offer kindness and help others. I keep trying to figure out what I do wrong. I've been suffering badly physically and emotionally. I checked myself in at the hospital 1.5 years ago because I was overwhelmed by what I went through at that time and the fall out how I was treated by family and returning to my job they didn't want me back because I had been injured and was off a year from it. I had been through a recent divorce and my new boyfriend left me after I was in my accident. That was then and I think because I chose to go to the hospital to rest sort out take time out I am being punished as when I go to the ER now they just say I am depressed and stuff is in my head. But I knew it wasn't when things go wrong with my body I know the difference and I can't solve it myself. I can't be perfect or do all the right things when I'm physically in distress and emotionally. But even so I don't think I've done much wrong compared to their behaviour and just being checked out of what I'm dealing with. It's been 4.5 months I have been suffering badly and really its been going on over a year. I have barely gone out for over a year because I saved my energy to try to work.
I feel like yelling at my doctor it's not wise and won't but I hung up on my long distant boyfriend and he's been supportive. I just lost my mind when he said to look at what you are responsible for...like I don't. I know he meant well now we are both therapized to bits but the timing was wrong I was under too much stress and needed my pain killer he called just as I realized I was not coping again. I don't do well for the first 5 hours on the day do okay for two hours then need to sleep. This has been a lot.
If anyone has any ideas for coping I'd love to hear it. I wake up have coffee cry take my pills put on affirmations on youtube try to sort out my day in stages.