The last couple of nights in a row I've awakened with palpitations. I'm having stress dreams. When I went to my doctor a couple of weeks ago I mentioned them and they did an EKG just to make sure everything was fine. The nurse said it was good that I mentioned it because for women (possible trigger) a heart attack is silent. So they told me that it was anxiety so not to worry. I know that it has to do with the flashback I had last week. Well most flashbacks are intense but this was the worst one I've ever had. So I can understand why. The shock of it has worn off and it's just so awful what some people did to all of us. So I know that I'm safe, it happened a long time ago, it's just I feel so deceived and manipulated by people. Yet glad I'm still here. It's just really awful how some people that are so sick that they use people to act out their sickness. Thanks for reading. I keep praying and then feel the peace from God. It's just difficult.

22 Replies

  • Sorry to hear you had such a fright with the bad nightmares and palpitations as a result of your intense flashback. I'm glad you had it checked out with your doctor and everything was ok.

    It's still very difficult to deal with the aftermath of these consequences even this many years later.

    I also keep praying to feel the peace from God. May we all come into this peace!

  • Yes. Thank you for expressing the understanding of the difficulty GeminiDancer It helps to talk about it. Last night I slept through the night. I haven't slept through the night in a long time.

  • I'm glad it was ok and you now know it was stress. You've worked out why you had it too, which is good too.

    Stay strong and I hope you get over it soon.

    Good luck and best wishes.

  • Thanks Fibropop

  • Love and prayers willingtoheal. That sounds really frightening. I'm glad that you know the cause now and that you can understand how it relates to your flashbacks, but still, that sounds really tough. Take care xoxoxoxoxxoxo. I'm just so sorry that you had to experience this pain, and yes it is awful how people have treated you in the past. You are right to feel hurt by them, it's unfathomable especially when you're a kid that people can be so cruel.

    I like the St Michael's Prayer. It helps me to feel safe and that I will one day be vindicated.(Lately I find myself too scared to go to sleep because I don't want to dream, or have any thoughts at all that I can't control. I've been watching netflix because it numbs my brain.)

  • Thank you littletraveller Especially difficult that the people that did this were suppose to be people that took care of me. Not that if anyone had something horrible done by a stranger is excused either but having it be people close to me. It's so difficult to wrap my mind around how people could do something so horrible. Also I feel so deceived and manipulated and felt like I had no choice. I wish I knew what I know now. Now I know why I liked watching shows about super heroes. I remember looking out the window and wishing someone would rescue me. Of course I can't go back but I wish Mr. T would've been my neighbor. Yet a child only thinks as a child so I just have to comfort the little girl inside of me.

    Yes I can relate to not wanting to go to sleep at night. I feel uncomfortable at night too. Take care and thanks.

  • Yes the little child in us is just so hurt by all this. Because our very innocence was taken away from us.

    I also find comfort in the Bible verse where Jesus said, " If anyone causes one of my little ones to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

    PS. Apologies and no offence meant to anyone who is not religious, I am not affiliated with a particular religion but am open to all and like to believe in a loving Higher Power, and social justice.

  • Sorry to hear you had this Willingtoheal it is very frightening when you get those symptoms especially when you are sleeping and can't control them 😟 I can relate to them. As I have learned in therapy the past can't harm you! But the problem is getting the brain to accept this is another story! My daughter is very sceptical of therapists, she believes what's in the past stays in the past and you should always look forward! Mum she says why are you dwelling on what happened to you? Your alive aren't you!!! That makes me angry😡!! If only we could then none of us would have horrible Mr PTSD 😟 Big hugs for you Hun you are getting there! Be brave xxx

  • Thank you for your kind and comforting words Colliedogs4me

    Well yes I hear people say that the past is the past but as we know the past is knocking on the door of the present and we are dealing with what we didn't understand then. So we have to process and heal from what happened in order to move on in our present moment.

    Your daughter is lucky that she has you for a mother so she doesn't have the pain from the past that you have so she doesn't have to deal with what you do.

    She probably just wishes she could take away all your pain and wishes that you didn't have to deal with what you are dealing with.


  • Colliedogs4me it's hard when loved ones have opinions like that, skeptical of therapy and of being self indulgent. I too used to think this about therapy, that is before I really needed it. Those who haven't gone through what we have just can't understand, the best they can do is have faith in us and our own healing. It sounds like your daughter is actually trying to be protective of you and help, but just doesn't have the wisdom to really know what to do. Xo

  • Sorry to hear about the fear. I found that talking about it seems reduce it some. A little fear is a constant companion for me. I am not sure what it would feel like not to have any fear.

    When the fear turns to terror and starts to affect my body, it is a problem. I found it takes time to deal with it. I slowly learned to not dwell on it.

    Fear helped me to protect myself and was a very close friend. It takes time to realize some of the fear can be let go and my friend can take a break and stop patrolling the parameter.

    Good luck

  • Thanks degn8er Yes talking about it really helps. Just sharing with all of you really helped me. I slept through the night last night. I can't remember the last time I did that. Yes it is definitely a process. Yes I feel fear and it does protect me. Thank you for telling me your experience.

  • I too have a tap dancing heart. Sometimes it makes me aware that something is triggering me before my conscious brain has even registered I'm upset. It's weird.

  • Equis-Canine Thanks. Yes I feel the same way. My heart triggers me and lets me know what is going on too. Maybe we should see it as a superpower. Yes weird but interesting. Thanks.

  • I like the concept of naming it a "superpower" It feel positive instead of negative!

  • One of the first books I got way back - the Feeling Good handbook - was good because it told me that my panic attacks (I call them panic attacks but I could also call them heart palpitations) are not going to kill me. And then I worked with the questions - CBT stuff (all or nothing. black or white, predictive etc)- to help me get some perspective which definitely calmed things down enough that I wasn't panicking anymore. Do you also do sport? It's good to get the charge out of your body after a 'visit' like that.

  • Thanks sophelia for telling me about that book that you read. I find that books really help me through my life and I am always open to more information that leads me to understanding. So thank you.

    What is CBT?

    Yes I go for walks at a park this helps me a lot.

    Thanks for the reminder that my palpitations mean a panic attack. Oprah Winfrey mentioned that during perimenopause that her heart would just start racing so I was thinking of perimenopause not panic attacks. So thank you.

  • CBT Cognitive behaviour therapy. It's old but still useful.

  • And if you think your palpitations are related to hormones, learn to massage your boobs. There are some good videos on youtube. Lymph massage for breasts. Breasts hold hormones related to menstruation and massaging them helps even out the levels in the body.

  • I'm glad your Doctor and Nurse checked this out properly and eliminated a physical cause. I get palpitations too and I think this is part and parcel of it. Sometimes if I try and slow my breathing rate down it eases the palpitations. Caffeine can also cause palpitations, so I limit my intake.

    It does sound like it is linked with a very intense flashback you experienced. This must have been extremely frightening for you.

    Just remind yourself, you are SAFE and still here. Thinking of you willingtoheal.

  • Thank you Ellen6 Yes I feel so much better after going to the doctor.

    Yes breathing slowly really helps me calm down.

    Yes you're correct it was probably linked to that scary flashback. I know that I repressed a lot growing up. I want to know what happened to me but it is really scary knowing what happened. I fully understand the meaning of PTSD. How the stress from what happened so many years ago gives me stress today. Yes I am safe and still here. Thanks for thinking of me and sharing with me it helps a lot.

  • No problem willingtoheal. Palpitations can be quite unnerving.