Family friends stress

I have PTSD 2.5 yrs. Brought on by stress from an injury and given a cocktail of pain medications and antidepressants. I have little memory of 3 months of my life. I was new to a city when it happened and my sister just said I was crazy. I was on narcotics and nerve pain drugs antidepressants. I was crazy from that. I almost died. Ive had trouble picking up from it and saw many psychiatrists and got diagnosed as many different things. Soon my doctor even said...this is ridiculous. I tried every pill for depression to bipolar my body doesn't accept them and they made things worse in many cases. I had flashbacks of things I don't fully recall from the 3 months and its terrifying especially because I think my mind recalls the terror and state on the medications at the time. When I am under a lot of stress it starts happening. The aftermath has left me affected by family & friends. I go into fight or flight mode and or turn inwards and push away. Recently I had to go off work the doctor didn't believe me I was so fatigued and stressed I was going through same thing as before with my health (that happened then) I had sinus infections and ovarian cysts and they burst I was exhausted and when the second infection hit I reached out for help from exhaustion and no one came....again like before. I'm going through ptsd and being alienated because I was too tired to cope. My job doesn't want me back as I was off work from previous injury and the cyst issue unknown at the time. I'm going broke and alone losing all my hair. I also pulled a muscle badly trying to recover from so much bed rest it was last straw. I'm going through depression from this and taking Ativan as I can't take antidepressants. I feel so let down from telling my family friends I was tired needed a place to land and no one came or comes. I have a lot on my plate financially going broke and alone. I try to be grateful and I can't afford programs to get well. There are no free ones in my area. Everyone just finds me a pain it seems and if I was physically well I'd be more comfortable but I'm not & I'm still exhausted feel helpless and alone. I had a normal life before and coping skills and my best friend told me to move by my family who live in middle of nowhere for support. It's across the country & I hate it there. I may have no choice and in unfamiliar territory scares the life out of me. I feel abandoned again alienated and physically unwell. I've had to pick up and cope so much in so many ways. My psychologist I had before the first accident happened and she says I function too highly others don't realize. And the medical system let me down. Canada sucks for seeing specialist and getting help in a prompt manner. I am afraid to love anyone anymore or letting them know I do and I see my psychologist my doctor and read books to help. The grief is overwhelming that I am going through this again. I have chronic pain from the first accident and my recovery from the cysts and sinus infections and pulled muscles is slow because I was so run down. People have just had enough of me and Ive tried to handle it on my own & with help. I feel like a freak because I'm losing all my hair it's pretty bad I've lost most on the sides and top. The ptsd kicked in and won't go away because of job stress and pain and sadness regarding my family friends.

Anyone

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  • Hi guitara69,

    Welcome to the forum!

    Hearing your story, it's a lot! Writing your story is often very difficult and you made this step by sharing it now.

    You have a lot on your plate, like you say. It takes time to solve things, one at a time. I am very sorry to hear that you can't return to your job anymore. It is often that one focus that keeps us going, even through so much. When this focus is gone, everything falls apart.

    I hope that the break from work will give you the opportunity to take care of yourself, do some reading and just give yourself time to slowly get better.

    From my own experience, when wanting to do too many things at the same time, it is often so much stress and it is better to take one thing at a time. And do not push yourself so hard as you did when you pulled the muscle. I have been impatient too and pulled a muscle like you.

    Give yourself permission to be not okay at the moment because when you stop struggling and resisting, it can shorten the recovery time.

    All the best!

    Nathalie

  • Yes I went to the bookstore and bought Heal Your PTSD that's how I found this forum. I am not able to walk far or do much due to muscle atrophy. I did take too much on but most of it was sickness....and grief.

    I do try to surrender to whats going on. I think hardest thing is not having a shoulder to cry on. I thought I earned that in my life. I'm a good person. It seems lately everyone around me is so busy with their own crap they don't take the time to realize when someone is alone and physically sick at 47 they could use a hand. God knows how the older people do it.

    I really appreciate the advice. I can't solve things as fast as I want to. It's just not possible and that's what is frustrating because I am broke. But I will try to break it down more. thank you

  • I know how very hard it is to be completely alone...it happened to me right after I moved.

    Illness often is very isolating.

    It sounds very serious what you are dealing with.

    This community helps in feeling less alone but there is no replacement for face to face contact...

  • thanks for that. I feel very isolated and embarrassed I'm going bald. That's the worst part because I am. Feel helpless due to illness. Embarrassed I can't handle it.

  • You are a survivor and even though things brought you down, you still have some fighting power in you...

  • Hi there

    Please don't get so stressed out,mthanks what's probably causing your hair to fall out.

    In the UK we can buy herbal remedies, I'm taking it that you can in Canada too? St. John wart is a herbal anti depressant, but can't be used with some meds. I have hemp tablets to help me relax and herbal sleeping tablets.

    Try to think positively, I know it's hard, but try to think of one thing each day, like you saw a beautiful rainbow or something.

    If you can try to get yourself well and less stressed out hopefully things will get better and you can find a new job. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to get better. Like Nathalie says. You can't rush these things.

    Yoga is good and teaches you breathing exercises that are good for reducing stress and panic, you can find that on u tube.

    You've started to help yourself by posting on here, so keep going.

    Good luck and best wishes.

  • Hi Fibropop

    I take Ativan and holy basil sometimes. Sometimes take a sleeping pill. I know I'm losing my hair from stress. That's been on going since xmas. My boyfriend I was dating cheated on me and gave me herpes. I was devastated. I had trouble forgiving myself for trusting him I saw his panel before we had unprotected sex and discussed how important protecting each others health was. I had been married 16 years prior to being single 3 years now and hadn't had many boyfriends. Then I got sick from the cyst and sinus infections and taking the herpes medication it upset my stomach horribly then pulling my muscle. I sound like a train wreck and am one I suppose. I find that frustrating because I did so many right things like asked for help. Went to my doctor and other doctors several times saying I felt terrible and they said it was in my head..just like last time I was injured. I'm upset. Friends and family frustrated from the same.

    I sometimes forget past three weeks to use the tools like breathing and grounding because I feel so stressed out and the flashbacks are so disturbing and the grief.....grief of reaching out needing a hug from a friend or family member needing a good cry. A constant. I guess I should put up a sign or something in my place.

    the financial is the hardest because I'm that broke....its reached critical stage. I'll have to move and far away and I get upset in new surroundings since the first accident because I lose my place in time. My family just says "that's really ******up why don't you cope?" ...no kidding it is. Like I don't know that. I wasn't like that before! My body has to heal before I can work. And work helps you keep sane with purpose.

    thanks for listening. I needed to place to turn. I don't identify with myself lately again as I used to be athletic, fun, pretty, and held my own. If I was married still I would likely be ok because I have a constant...but I don't.

  • Hi again

    I know you're worried about moving etc, but maybe it's what you need.

    No bad memories attached, new job, new start. Nobody will know you or your problems.

    Your health issues will clear up and they're not life threatening, so that's good news. Just take time and do the breathing etc.

    I do know how frustrating life can be and how unfair, I've had pcos, lost babies, got hereditary glaucoma and now fibromyalgia. I am nearly housebound and in constant pain, but we're both still here fighting our daemons and trying the best we can to get on. We will.

    Good luck and best wishes.

    Gentle hug Fp

  • Hi

    They think I have PCOS too but I cant see specialist for months. I could not have kids and they pumped me full of fertility drugs years ago because they didn't know what else to do. I sometimes think they ruined me as I have had chronic issues since that time and needed a hysterectomy a few years later for fibroids which I didn't have before. And I started getting allergies and psoriasis.

    I saw a specialist in January and he said I don't have fibromyalgia but my doctor thinks that I do. I can barely walk for months now. I know how you feel. I cannot take nerve pain drugs I'm not allowed to because of what happened years ago on the morphine, antidepressant and nerve pain meds. I tried a low dose two days ago of amatriytaline and I felt like I was having a seizure. This happened before I had forgotten that. They are not sure why my body won't process the head meds or nerve pain meds.

    I'm not totally opposed to moving in the least I just don't want to be there as it's isolating. I'm already isolated. And I know my family there is busy too. The weather there is atrocious I grew up around there for a few years as a child. I am not used to snow and gets to 30 below and more at times. It's not uncommon for them to shovel their way out or be stuck in the house days at a time due to storms. I don't even own winter boots! Last time I was there I said "aren't they going to shut everything down we better get provisions" as I hadn't been there in winter in 13 years. They all laughed at me.

    When I was there for recovery after the pill cocktails they put me on more pills and I started doing strange things I have very little memory of it. I get flashbacks of all of this stuff and in a drugged state. I only recall bits n pieces. I do remember coming out of it my brother in law wanted me gone. Because I was crazy and I didn't know really what was happening. And no one knew I was going through trauma coming off of the different drugs. They were told I was bipolar. It turns out I am not. My family & friends still don't understand why I behave the way I do under stress. Sometimes I manage it but I haven't for while due to all the stuff that's gone down past year. I should be on medication but it doesn't work. I get bad side affects and hallucinate.

    I thought I would overcome this by now as I gave stellar effort and tried every drug they tossed at me. But I am not winning the battle and I sabatoge things in my life because I know people won't stay because they don't get it. I am supposed to accept love and kindness and love my shrink says and I try but in the end the ptsd keeps winning. And it's mostly because of my health issues and trying to overcome how I have been treated since the first accident. By family and friends.

    thanks for letting me vent. I appreciate you took the time to share with me.

  • Hi again

    I think that maybe don't try to fight the fibro. Here a dr can diag fibro and if yours thinks you've got it I would go with it. Do research and don't depend on any meds helping you.

    I found all the time I fought it and tried to get on as usual I was worse and worse until my left side refused to work. One day I had a migraine and for 4 hrs kept repeating the same phrase over and over again, my eyes were open and an ambulance was called. When I came too I was confused and didn't know what was going on. I have no memory of those hours. I've since seen a neurologist and was told that when the body is under intense pain it can't cope so it cuts out parts of the body.

    I am only on tabs like spring and hemp tabs, vit d tabs and magnesium. I eat healthy foods and have herbal sleeping tabs. I try to get up every day and pace myself. That means I do something then rest and on...

    I too have had to have a hysterectomy and was in agony for 12 yrs and rushed in and told I might die, they found that endrometrisi was like concert and was strangling my bladder and intestine. I also had fibros and pcos too. None of my Drs listened to me and I nearly died because of it. Make sure that they take you seriously.

    I was abused mentally and physically by my father from a baby to I was 21. I was sexually abused by his dad and was date raped at 18, as I was innocent and I experienced. I never told anyone as I was so frightened of my dad! I still see him and if I even hear his voic it sets things off.

    I told you I've lost babies, which is very traumatic.

    All I can say is that I try hard not to think of these things and if something triggers a thought, like seeing my dad babies. I try hard to think that at least I didn't go full term and try to busy my mind so I don't stew over it.

    Even if your broke, you can do things to keep you busy. Alter clothes, make gifts, cards. Listen to talking books etc.

    Try to keep your mind busy and try to pace yourself. Don't think of your glass as half empty, but half full. Think that if you move and are nearer family and get well then you can move again. If you think they don't understand go on the web and print info off and show them. Drugs are mind altering even if prescribed by your dr and can have different effects on different people. Some people can take one pill and die from it! Communication is important.

    Keep fighting on and try to see things in a more positive light, I can assure you if you do it will help you.

    Take care and good luck.

    Best wishes.

  • Sorry spell check is doing its best to make no sense. I've, dead babies not dad babies. And aspirin not Spring. Fp

  • Hi

    That is all very good advice and likely advice I would give when I am better in a better place. thanks for understanding and I agree with you said about treatment for the fibro those drugs are quite awful and I a jealous of people who can manage on them. I seem to get mini seizures on them.

    I'm sorry you have had a hard life...harder than mine over several years. You have multiple traumas. It seems sometimes that we fall into vicious cycle once one hits and subjected to more events. I hope your dad doesn't have to be around long so to speak. I know my friend was relieved when hers passed away she experienced the same.

    I got over the grief of not having children it rarely comes up now except I don't always fit in with family friends because I'm childless and I get forgotten or made to sleep on the floor with the nieces and nephews when in big family events lol...why I feel 20 years old again in many ways and 82 lol!!

    I will keep fighting I know that something is still wrong inside my body but I don't think Ill know anytime soon. I get treated like a mental patient first then other patient second since the first accident. I stayed in the hospital for two weeks after I left my family and returned to my province I checked myself in because I wasn't coping upon return from everything. My younger sister said "maybe you should move away as I don't want to be here for you" She can't accept I was on drugs and don't know what I was doing. I have never been the same after that either..her words and actions since. I stay away. The hospital sees I was in the ward and they think I'm just a mental patient... it bit me in the Butt needing a rest and place to cry. They don't look at past history of normal life!

    I will try to keep busy as you say. I did buy cable tv other day though broke cause I'm so housebound. I have trouble doing crafts things with my hand as I have nerve damage in my arm from my neck. I try to get out go to store and I used to bake cookies for neighbours. Maybe I will try again.

    Thanks for being here for me right now. I needed someone I'm exhausted.

  • We're here to support each other, so don't worry. I just wanted you to know that with hard work and a bit of positivity a sort of normal life can be achieved for about 80% of the time. I do understand what you mean sometimes I feel 90!

    Take care and best wishes.

    Good luck.

  • Guitar,

    Does that mean you like music? Mudic is often a balm for the soul.

    Thinking of you!

    Proud of you that you keep trying to reach out! This forum helps us not feel so alone! And the advise is so compassionate and grounding.

    Sending you((( hugs))))!!!

  • thank you. Yes I like music. I love it. But it was a nickname of a kid. yes I am grateful for the forum. It's something.

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