Have to travel-but dont?

Hi all, Im new here. Been watching Michele do her thing and she directed me here.

I have a trip with my husband to take tomorrow morning.

I can cancel. Id save some $ on the flight. But with all the hypervigilance, I made a mess of the trip a little ( changing hotels- renting a car we dont need ( but do need car cuz now that I changed the hotel).

If I go, Ill be challenging myself. Me going is sort of ridiculous. Its mainly to take care of my husband who is doing a baseball camp and he isnt as diligent about his care so he calls and complains to me instead. So I go to keep him healthy and help out a bit.

But since Ive gone to counseling this past 2 months, I have been wanted to do less care taking and feeling resentful about going. Also trying to get my own career stuff moving.

At the same time I fee we need a get away to rekindle our relationship that has been something Ive been processing for the past 3 months. Been a little distant.

To add to it, Ill be visiting a city where which I was emotionally abused and has many memories.

Thoughts- to go or not to go. ??

3 Replies

  • Hi qsnoodle,

    Welcome to the community.

    I understand your situation a bit because I was myself in similar situation not long ago. I was packed and just few hours before my flight my anxiety got really bad to the point I couldn't walk straight and was severely nauseous. So I called the airlines and cancelled. I was supposed to visit and stay with a very triggering relative.

    Honestly it is hard to say which way it goes. Sometimes I do things that are triggering and at the beginning it is but later I get used to it and can enjoy it.

    But other times the anxiety is so bad that it spoils it and I can't enjoy it and I spoil the fun for others.

    It is reallyhard to know how we will feel when we get there etc.

    If it's too much for you at this moment, then it's okay to postpone the trip for a later date.

    I am at a sauna/spa/swimming pool and was enjoying it but then got triggered a bit and now hiding in a locker room because of the anxiety contemplating taking Xanax. It can come out of nowhere. But I don't want the anxiety to stop me from living my life! I need to find a way somehow to do things but to find that balance it is a learning curve, trying things and failing sometimes.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!

  • Welcome to the community we are glad you are here. Yes traveling is really hard for me too. I've avoided it for many years. I now go places in a car but haven't been on a plane in years. I hope I can go on a plane again sometime. I used to love to fly. If you spiral up and stress yourself out so bad then I wouldn't go but if you can think about spiraling down and think of all the fun you might have then I would go. It just depends on what you can do. The place you are going you said has been a place where you were abused. You are in your body everyday and there are a whole bunch of people that live in that place that nothing has ever happened to them. You are in your body and you know how to protect yourself. You can leave any place you feel uncomfortable at any time. Well of course the plane is a place but you can pretend that you are on a space ship and you are going to a place to get away from the place you are now. That this is a good thing. Yes reminders are scary but know that you are safe today. That you have power that you didn't have before. That you can live your life today and not let the powerless feeling that you had in the past rule your life. You are allowed and deserve to have fun. Take care and whatever you decide is for you. You matter and we're glad you're here.

  • Can relate and it's a challenge when one has to go somewhere like that, I have been in similar position, and it ended up with me had to cancel the trip, I just couldn't go. The anxiety kicked in and I couldn't go, simple as that! Wasn't emotionally ready I think at that time, I had too much fear and anxiety. I postponed and the second time I did leave, as challenging as it was, but I did for myself to face certain fears.

    Thoughts if you should go, well you should do it for yourself, even if it's to help your husband out, it should be because you want to help him out and it makes you feel okay about it, so you wont feel bad over old memories coming back. And even if you decided not to go, it's not the end of the world :)

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