Triggered

[WiseOwl]

Lately it seems that I am triggered by people when I am dealing with the medical community. I go off on people sometimes and now I am afraid to interact with people because I am not sure if I can behave.

[Hidden]

I hear you, Wise Owl. I found a while back that I had "white fever." (That's what the nurse called it - where you're afraid of the doctor's white coats.) My blood pressure would be higher in the doctor's office. I had never realized how nervous I got just being in the doctor's office.

I have since traced it back to one source of my PTSD, when I was 8 years old. My grandmother told my she could have me locked up in an insane asylum if I ever became a writer (my earliest dream). She was a nurse, and later told me the doctor she worked for (a creepy old fart) had agreed to have me committed if necessary.

No wonder I was scared of doctors! My inner child knew what wasn't safe. Having a safe doctor to work with now - who knows all about those issues - has helped a lot.

We were helpless going to the doctor as children - I suspect many of us have issues like you're experiencing.

[WiseOwl in reply to Hidden]

I have been told I had the White Fever thing too.

[Hidden in reply to WiseOwl]

Interesting. May be more common than we realize. Probably didn't help that the doctors when I was young were overweight, grumpy smoking old men, like the doctor who treated the young Forrest Gump.

[MollyNZ]

Hi there WiseOwl, is it because you are frustrated? As a survivor I find it very difficult to communicate 'the issue' - it helps me to remember that many people are ill informed and see PTSD as an illness rather than an injury, we're not stupid, or mental, we're traumatized seeking help which often seems detrimental in my opinion. Ultimately what I've learnt is that I have to educate myself to educate the people I turn to for help. I've pretty much conquered the 'angry' phase of healing. You might find this article helpful? trauma-recovery.ca/impact-e...

[WiseOwl in reply to MollyNZ]

I am frustrated when it happens. I feel like I am not being heard. I also had a traumatic experience with a doctor which probably plays into it.

[MollyNZ in reply to WiseOwl]

Oooh yeah, I remember the injustice phase. Certain people could wind me up, some deliberate, some not, and cause me to perform in a way that I term 'the song and dance of injustice' - very dis-empowering yet empowering at the same time. I'm a lot more 'self-aware' now after a lot of hard work. Still struggle with muggles though. I can empathise. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muggle

[MicheleR Founder]

WiseOwl, as a person with medical trauma, I sooooo know what you mean by being triggered in that environment. I just did a great interview with a trauma expert about anger on my radio show. You might find the info interesting: changeyouchoose.com/anger-a...

And an anger expert about how to manage and diffuse anger: changeyouchoose.com/how-to-...

I had to deal with issues of extreme rage during my PTSD years. It can be tough to reduce at first, but you're so aware of the problem, which is great. For a long time I wasn't. Awareness, I think, is the first step to change.

[WiseOwl in reply to MicheleR]

Thank you, Michelle, that sounds like a very good link.

[Hidden]

I really get the rage and frustration aspect. Sometimes my frustration levels are so high that my brain stops thinking. When I am frustrated with professionals it's really hard not to be rude. I find myself not seeking help because of frustrations of the past. I no longer trust so-called professionals.

[WiseOwl in reply to Hidden]

I lose it and rage at people. I am lucky they have not called the cops on me for it.

[MichelleTB]

HI Wise..I have been the same..I just retreated from people who tend to push my buttons and went and tried it again today..it was ok..I can understand re the Medical Community..nuff said..hang in there and try in increments or call your Dr..I hope today was a better day !!

[WiseOwl in reply to MichelleTB]

Thank you. We really can't put all our eggs in one basket.

[MichelleTB]

Good job Stuck..I agree totally !!

[Hidden]

Hi wise owl , it's really hard to manage emotions. Is it all people or just the medical community?

[WiseOwl in reply to Hidden]

Mostly the medical community and one of my sisters or any family of origin. I have lots of traumatic experiences and one of them was with a doctor when I was 23.

[WiseOwl]

I had a Veteran tell me it was a hallmark experience with PTSD. This is when it really hit home. I have taken some anger management classes. Sometimes I can catch myself and prevent it and then other times I just go off.

[MollyNZ in reply to WiseOwl]

I have found that the 'stress' part of PTSD is the major trigger. If I am 'stressed' I am less able to control my depression, anxiety & temper. I am aware of this and isolate accordingly. When you turn to those that are mean't to be 'there for you' and find they are ignorant and apathetic that hurts, from hurt comes anger - it does get better as you grow wiser on the road to recovery.

[WiseOwl in reply to MollyNZ]

It does hurt and I know what you mean in regards to it turning into anger. My anger turned into a severe depression. These emotions can be difficult to navigate, but like you I am educating myself and hoping for a better outcome.

[Hidden]

Absolutely! Wonderful thoughts!

[MichelleTB]

I had a super bad experience with medical..my life literally depended on them and I was made to beg/.horrible and my anger is horrible and its everyone who gets to me..depending on my moods..it was terrible and lot of other stuff much like Wise..there was not much of my life that I didnt experiance trauma...everytime I had a hope, a dream..gone..right now its happening..my whole life has been one terrible mess and I am trying to have Faith and its hard..but its all I have..we will get through this..hang in there !

[trekster22]

If I feel they don't believe me then I get triggered off. A diagnosis of CPTSD could really resolve that issue something im hoping by xmas.