it will get better, things may not be the same depending on how the injury affects him, some injuries only affect physical abilities, others affect cognitive, but given time and patience things will get better.
unfortunately a not unfamilar tale but as a survivor all i can do is to reassur you it will get better and so so importtant that you are there for him all the way every day will be steady progress congratulate every milestone with encouragement and joy
the driving will take time but the dvla are helpful he will have to retake a licence its not a test but an assessment after in my case 6 lessons but an nhs instructor as for your home i have been out of hospital for 4 years and mine will be repossed shortly but i am entering assisted living these are homes specially built for disabled persons and their families suggest you contact your council or citizens advice to get the application started good luck and be there for him all the way it wont be easy but it will be worthwhile neil if an accident have you thought about compensation
soory me again if he got knocked off a bike thats an accident if my son got £2000 for a fractured ankle then what could your boyfriend get i have a friend sinon shaw a lawyer who specialises in this type of claim no win no fee if you e mail me neilcmurphy@yahoo.co.uk
I apologise for this message coz I am not offloading but am trying to express what happened to me. After the accident you will inevitably want to return to the way that it used to be and will probably always strive to bring it that way. You will make that comparisons and it might be possible to get near it but it might not be the same.
Every story is different but also strangely the same. I know how much of a contradiction this statement is but it's true.
I was a pedestrian in 2000, when I was 20, and got hit full on by a bus ( actually it was a coach ). I was studying engineering at uni at the time and like your fiancé had those surgeries to monitor my head pressure, had a tracheostomy so I could breath and had a blood clot removed from my brain too. I stayed in hospital for about 12 weeks then I went to rehab in Oxford for a while. The rehab therapists liaised with going back to uni to repeat the year that I came out of and the following year I went back but it was too much too soon and I couldn't cope, so after a year I come out of that course.
I have a supportive family who I still live with. I do it have a physical disability and to the greater sense am just like everyone else in society but I find it harder to break down new information and am slightly slower as a result. Since the accident I have had a couple of jobs and recently went back to university to do a medical degree, even thought hey were people that we expected would be knowledgable about these things, they weren't and the course stopped very abruptly when I had difficulties, I had completed 2 years of the course.
I wasn't allowed to drive after the accident for a year, so I waited the period of time and applied for my license again. In the period of time that the license was being processed I had an seizure and had to wait another year. I have it back now, am on tablets and haven't had a seizure in over ten years.
In summation, that's if you bothered to read all this coz it is probably a task to see how it's relevant. Your life, lives might not be the same as before and they are off track but they should get better.
What is brilliant is how you have stuck together. Stay strong and in this time where you are struggling try to take all the help that is out there. Make use of Headway, Drs, Consultants and government assistance. This type of traumatic experience is enough to drive friends a nod families apart because everyone is struggling to make sense of the new person and all the changes but its also enough to make the bonds between everyone much stronger too.
many of us deal with anger and even now 16 years later its still a struggle (but i have my coping mechanisms and my anger isn't seen externally)
the most important thing is learn to be friends and like each other as much as learning to love each other
and as rubikscube says, don't take any of the anger personally (i know its impossible) but trust me its not aimed at you no matter what is said. and no its not fair but i am afraid that is just how it works
the fact that he is angry at the person who caused this is good in one way, as he has somewhere to aim his anger.
anger management therapy tends to be aimed to people without a head injury and i found it totally ineffective.
i am constantly in fight or flight mode so find relaxation virtually impossible, but depending to how he responds its worth going through every therapy at your local mental health trust
i found most didn't work for me BUT i picked up bits and bobs from each and added them to my overall coping mechanisms.
But for me CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) was the best, it doesn't really get rid of it as such, but lets you reclassify it and deal with it better.
be there as a friend as much as a partner and things will be ok
Headway also offers help for carers so remember it is as hard on you as it is on him, so don't be afraid to ask for help.
anyway we are all different and these are things that helped me, so i hope there is something there you can use
There is a whole load of anger inside of him, please dont take any of it personally, try and walk away when possible and make the area play safe! as you would for a child - I know my 1st years of recovery my outbursts were terrible. My last outburst was some years ago now and the fridge freezer we had still has the dent on the door from the bread board hitting it!
Dont be afraid, this is not him, he is trying to find his way back, this is a difficult journey for you both.
Please read the letter posted on here waiting.com/letter.html this gives great insight and hopefully will bring you the patience and strength you and your family will need right now.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you - stay strong x
I read the comments and your reply. I am not an angry person and have always been laid back so arguments don't normally happen but I do sometimes get aggravated when I feel that someone is trying to tear me off a strip ( BTW this means someone is trying to constructively attack ).
I know you posted this question and this is centred around your experiences after you fiancées accident but also try to remember that he is the person who you fell in love with and got engaged to as a result of the love you have for one another. It must be awfully hard to remember these facts when he is acting like a different person. Your happiness is important too, can you cope with a life of this? I know it's hard to see the wood for the trees at this moment but from other posts on here it seems that the ripples in the water which seem like waves at the moment do calm down leaving the person whom you love.
You are all acclimatising to what has happened and it seems that it will be forever, which some things may remain,
I am glad to read you partner is now starting on the long road to recovery, my story is very like yours, my partner had a motorcycle accident in November last year, he suffered not only a TBI but also an Hypoxic Brain Injury and was put into an induced coma straight away due to swelling on his brain, he also had a bolt fitted to monitor the swelling for 10 days, unfortunately for us that is where the similarity to your story ends. He is still in hospital nearly 4 months on, he is now classed as being in a persistant vegetative state, we are told he may never get any better. I have been told to get on with mine and our 2 young daughters lives, how you go about doing that is a very difficult and upsetting thing to image. Please be patient with your partner, it is very early days yet after all he has suffered it sounds like he is doing amazingly well, I would give anything to be in your position right now. I am sure given time things will get even better for the two of you.
Millie my heart truly goes out to you, and those of us who do survive do have a lot to be thankful for. I really hope that things improve for your partner and for yourself.
My husband (was boyfriend at time of accident) had an accident in 2008 and was taken to Addenbrookes. He was in hospital for 12 weeks and then in Papworth for 6 weeks having lung operations. We were both 25 and I was 28weeks pregnant and had a 7 yr old daughter.
I thought he was going to die!
We got married 2 years after his accident, he truly is mine and the kids world. No, he isn't the 'same' as he was before the accident and never will be. I have accepted this, embraced it and help him any and every way I can. Some days I feel more of a mother figure than a wife, but i'm ok with that. It is unfair in a way but who ever said life was fair??
Life can be difficult, he can be difficult. We both can get frustrated, but the key is communicating. And I listen to him, really listen, even if it takes him hours for him to get him point across, I will sit with him and wait till he is ready.
All his anger is taken out on me, because he loves me and feels safe with m and he knows I am not going anywhere. Yes, it can be hard to bare the brunt of the outburst, but its got to be harder to be him, not being able to control his brain like he used to,
Our lives are now heading in a completely different direction than we ever planned. We say that day changed our paths for ever, flipped our world on its head. We had to learn that was then and this is now. We have a much slower life, we socialise but not as much. We take each day as it comes and don't plan anything in concrete.
It is a long long road and one we are no where near ending.
Sorry I kind of got carried away, I hope you can make some sort of sense of this and ask for any and all help avaliable to you. You need to fight for you man and get him the best help you can, make sure people are listening and doing all they can. He need you now more than ever.
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My sons brain injury is destroying us
My husband had a cardiac arrest 5 weeks ago and he has hypoxia brain damage 
would you share your story? photo story? Subarachnoid Haemorrhage
Story so far
Progress meeting for my brother 19 month after tbi
