10 years on

[Kirk5w7]

I don’t write much these days but here I am again.

What I can’t understand is how my head feels and hasn’t changed in years.

I can’t explain it but it prevents me from functioning some days.

Each day I feel ‘wobbly’ in varying degrees. I can’t turn my head sharply or I would fall, although I haven’t yet.

Some days I feel like I don’t see everything I should. Other days I feel I am seeing normally.

I can function because I have learnt how to, but I am exhausted by it all. I breathe a sigh of relief when I climb into bed at night.

This year my children built me a small lean to greenhouse to enable me to become more involved in the garden. I pace myself whilst out there because if I bend forwards for too long I then need to rest with my eyes closed for a good half hour, but I enjoy listening to my audio books whilst doing that.

I am also re-modelling/re-stocking my front garden, that is taking so long with my limitations and inbetween days of rain, and hoping when we get a dry day I can function sufficiently well.

Life goes on and I now realise that there may not be any changes for the better, 70 is my next birthday and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it but hey ho we can’t stop the passage of time.

Once finished I will post a photo of the front garden.

Take care all

Janet🤗

[Painting-girl]

I'm sorry that you have to put so much effort into functioning Janet, but your front garden project sounds lovely. I know what you mean about managing limitations and the weather, it bugs me that I can't get a decent amount of gardening done in one go anymore. Though I did enjoy sitting in the sun yesterday. The big birthdays are always a bit of a shock, aren't they? I'm 65 this year....Looking forward to seeing your photos

Jen x

[Kirk5w7 in reply to Painting-girl]

You know my sister was called Jennifer.

[Painting-girl in reply to Kirk5w7]

Oh cool 😊. And by the way, everything that Baron said as well. You've pulled yourself back from so much when you could have given up - and look how many people you've helped on here with your thoughtful comments too x

[nemo_really]

Well done for persevering and, particularly, managing to do something worthwhile and constructive in the garden. Difficult and tiring though the path may be, you've shown you can do it and that's a victory in itself.

[cat3]

I empathise big-time Janet with the 'wobbliness' and precarious balance. The concentration needed just to walk to the shops without veering into passers-by, or tripping & falling, adds up to an exhausting half hour rather than the once nonentity of such a minor errand.

I insist on walking rather than driving short distances and I still work to maintain the garden and housework, but the inability to work from morning 'til night is dispiriting. It doesn't feel like ageing as the energy is still there, but fighting the 'wooly-headedness' is so damned tiring.

I guess, in the absence of a brain transplant we may be limited to 'tinkering around the edges' rather than showing our true colours.

But keep on keeping-on my friend ; we each deserve a pat on the back for continuing to push ourselves and for having the best of intentions !

Take care Janet.. Love E. Xxx

(Think of you and Jenny often) x

[Trevor78 in reply to cat3]

"I insist on walking rather than driving short distances" - sounds like I have similar walking issues to yourself. I'll go out with the dog locally where he'll stop and sniff regularly, allowing me to stop as well as much as I choose (could be as much as every couple of yards), but I don't enjoy walking from A to B on my own. It's unpleasant and stressful. I get the car out for the shortest distance. I wish that I didn't have to but that's where it ended up and the end result of my RTA 40 years ago, although it could have been much worse even though it was devastating for a teenager and took my life in a direction it's been hard accept and cope with, but it is what it is!

[cat3 in reply to Trevor78]

Keep on managing your issues in whatever way works for you Trev ! You've had a lifetime of struggles, so whether or not you take the car is irrelevant so long as you're getting from A to B... 😉

Cat x

[BaronC]

I think what a lot folk like us fail to do is take a moment to sit back and appreciate precisely how well they are doing considering what they live with every single day.

Considering the implications of what happened to your brain it is a miracle that you manage to do what you do at all. I know how it feels to struggle with what every day folk classify as every day tasks like just walking and talking. But you're doing great, you really are and that's tremendously difficult to grasp when you're struggling with day to day living.

However, you are doing fantastically well in the circumstances and you need to pace yourself You have to try and remember that. You walked a half marathon four years ago when many of the able bodied walkers dropped out miles beforehand. Not many could do that, you're an inspiration, Janet...

[paxo05]

Hi, I have to agree with baron c , we all fail to notice what we can do. Mainly because we put all our efforts into managing each day.

It is hard explain the amount of effort it takes to do "normal" things. Add to that if you want to do extra and suddenly the fatigue can rocket.

Basically it comes down to boringly pacing yourself and forward planning. Allow for quiet recovery days. Boring but vital.

Well done on the frobt garden. Personally I've grown gravel in mine.

Pax

[Pairofboots]

Hi Janet, I am 11yrs4mts,14days old in my mark II version. For 8 of those years I have been trying to remodel my kitchen. There have been months of not being able to plan and order what I need to do, the days of only drilling one hole, or moving one pile of junk from A to B, it has been a marathon. I call it Kitchengate. Because I can't plan a whole series of things, the original idea has evolved. The other day I looked round and realised that I have finally finished the major construction, and I just have to decorate, what a moment that was, I gave myself a whoop, or a ya, can't remember which.

Now, in the cold light of day, the biggest job is a skim of finishing plaster to a couple of walls, I can feel I have achieved a lot. Not only with the kitchen, for 8 years, I have bought food, fed myself, I have attended appointments, been through a divorce, broken an arm etc, and so on. Not exactly astounding, but when you take BI into account, I have done good.

It is all the little things that make up the big picture that we overcome and achieve, we continue to move forward despite the BI. We need to occassionally stop, breath, and give ourselves a big pat on the back for achieving.

Good luck with the garden.

Ian 🍀

[StaceM8]

Hiya Kirk, I had my accident when I was 22 & I'm 50 now but I don't think I would have coped as well as I have without the infamous power nap that I promote every time I see someone having problems with fatigue, brain fog or anything along those lines.

.

You say U close your eyes for half an hour so U kno that makes a big difference.

See my previous posts cos I can't advocate enough how important a 20 minute nap is every day. But as U say closing your eyes, even if U don't actually fall asleep is sufficient. I fall asleep 99% of the time now but U have t make sure U get up when the 20 minutes is up, or U can reset your alarm for 20 minutes again (no more than 26.

Thing is U go into a different stage of sleep after approximately 26 minutes.

.

I've been doing it for about 20 years & as I said, I really don't know how I would have coped if someone hadn't mentioned it to me.

Have a look at my previous posts cos I truly believe this will change your life.

Stace

[Teazymaid]

I think we are all on a pathway which we had no idea about until we were thrown into it .. we are lucky to be here in a lot of cases .. keep fighting and make you garden something to be proud of … it will be a daily reminder of what you have achieved ..

[cyclinghu]

thank you so much - I feel like I'm going insane these days so reading your post is really helpful - take care and sending you ❣️