Now we are in December it is time for the "C" word - Christmas!
Since my injury 8 years ago, the whilst many of my feeling and emotions have returned, any joy for Christmas seems absent. It used to be a huge event lights on the outside of the house, decorations in every room - even the bathroom!
Now, can't even get enthusiastic about Christmas day. It just seems a great deal of excess for no particular reason. I was talking to a guy yesterday whom happily spent £40 for three bath bombs from Lush. As he was enthusing about his purchases, how much he still needs to buy, I was thinking about how absurd the world has become.
Head injury after-effects or just being a grumpy old man
Written by
sospan
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I think it’s a reality check. The enjoyment for me at Christmas is eating brilliant meals cooked by my sons. Seeing them happy is all that matters. We make more of a financial contribution for birthdays- it’s a special day for all. Take care and hopefully when next year arrives things will only get better...., I am singing this; luckily you can’t hear me.
I haven't celebrated Christmas for 11 years, since a bereavement. Since my brain injury almost five years ago, my problems with emotional regulation have made things even more difficult. Although it's a different situation to yours, I feel we have something in common. I hope that everyone who has any difficulties dealing with this time of year finds a way through it that works for them.
One of my wife's friends has the same experience of bereavement at Christmas - on Christmas eve, her father was carrying in a case of beer, heart attack and died instantly. Understandably, it was never the same for her after that.
I can take or leave Christmas. I have felt that way for a long time, This said, it's not about me, so if people get something out of it, be it spiritual, commercial or socially, that's fine by me.
Sadly, the way the world has made people, there will be plenty telling others what they should or shouldn't be doing, attempting to claim the moral high ground and basking in self righteousness, I will ignore such attention seeking and if you're similarly irritated by the do as we say merchants, I suggest you do likewise.
Do as you see fit and watch out for any passing bandwagons...There will be people unable to think for themselves jumping on them in droves.
I have never been a particular fan of Christmas aside from the excessive eating and socialising! Haha.
Maybe it's a part of growing older, but if it was something to do with brain lesions or damage, I would bet on the damaged area of the brain being the right hemisphere. There is a lot to talk about with how this hemisphere of the brain in particular affects 'human' emotions.
Is it the change/ contrast from previous times that's the problem for you, or an instance of continuing mild depression? Though I think events this year have sparked a less materialistic approach to life in some people.
For me, while it's becoming a bit less difficult to accept the change in my day to day functioning, I am finding the nature of the 'once a year' comparison of Christmas much harder to reconcile. I'm rather daunted at the moment with prep (for a much scaled back celebration) that in the past, I would have just taken in my stride, but is already knocking me out. And remembering that last year I was wiped out for most of January afterwards - so am not looking forward to that bit - I'm resenting in advance that life will be put on hold for a month.... 😱
But I like Christmas 🎄☃️ always have 😊
I like that at least once a year you have to concentrate and think hard about your closest people, and what would make them individually happy, and how it feels to get or make something for them, however small, which they will get a fleeting moment of joy from . And sitting writing cards to people, particularly the ones you might not have a great deal of contact with, and keeping that feeling of connection.
I guess I like the good thoughts! 😊
Well then I'm a grumpy chiki,lol lolWith head trauma its 10x more stressful than average healthy person goes thru dealing with the holidays.
We have enough trouble remembering stuff n doing stuff...now u want me to find a limited edition whatever?? for Uncle Bob (I see once a decade)and then remember where the wrapping paper is n wrap it...uhhhh..no thanks maybe never,LOL LOL Can someone pass me the eggnog n desserts please😁
I don't think you've become a grumpy old man at all; I think your views reflect the getting of wisdom.
Christmas can be fun, especially with small children around, but for far too many people it's sheer misery that represents an annual endurance test. Fortunately, it lasts just one day.
I hope you have your kind of Christmas Day, in whatever form takes your fancy; I know I shall!
I don't think it's any to do withhead illness /injury. It's to do with maturity and recognition that one day out of 365 isn't such a big deal. We don't need to see life as a culmination to any particular day of the year and I haven't purchased cards or presents for the last 10 years. Much less stress and I just try to enjoy time with family (not this year) or travelling to far flung places to escape the madness of the UK "forced" Christmas (again, not this year... Was due to be in South America to escape).I'll probably just be with son number one and his husband for a walk and lunch. 👌😍
Just grumpy, that sounds totally normal lots of people feel like xmas is a total sellout. In fact my teenager was so excited debenhams are liquidating for the bargains. I did point out that 12000 people no longer have a job just before xmas. But thats ok for a bargain jumper!is that abi or grumpy old git?
Interesting, social phenomena - people won't buy a firm's product until the word "sale" is used then everyone wants a piece. Even though some prices aren't that reduced.
The same thing happened when they closed a local pub. Thousands of people signed a petition to keep it open. As the now ex-landlord said at the time, if those people whom signed the petition used the pub, I wouldn't have to close!
Sadly, the world today is full of people wanting to be SEEN 'doing good' or HEARD spouting cliches for their own 'look at me' ends, rather than quietly, anonymously helping to make the world better, as they see fit. You can support all sorts without putting your name to it, or letting the the world how wonderful and 'caring' you are. If you don't choose anonymity, I will always question the motive.
Hi Keith, I think a lot of people probably do really kind things at Christmas (and at other times) and probably say absolutely nothing about it. Does it matter whether people show their love quietly or noisily though really, if it's just there?
Some people will be suffering a great deal in different ways at Christmas, and it's important to honour that and not be indifferent.
It seems to me it's fairly fashionable to be world wearily anti-christmas, and cite consumerism as the only driver for Christmas.... But that downplays perhaps the efforts of a lot of families to make sure people are remembered and not left out in the darkest part of this (pretty dark) year?
I sure many people do things for others...all year round. The majority do so without looking to score good guy brownie points on the horror that is social media however, or to paint themselves as the good folk in some hierarchy of worthiness. Genuine acts of kindness are made by people who don't want their name in lights. Those that do are simply on an ego trip.
I really dislike those people whom promote the "look at me" doing good things. Especially those who only do it one day to make themselves feel good so they can boast about it for the rest of the year.
When I was working, I used to give an awful lot to charity and despite many requests to use my name never wanted any acknowledgement.
Just realised how horribly smug I sounded earlier, when everyone brings some baggage to this time of year.
Though we've always enjoyed Christmas, I think our take on it changed for the eight years my Dad lived with a terminal cancer (ok, we had a lot of 'last Christmasses') but I think it became more and more important to just be together, and take comfort from that - it definitely changed over time. Plus I'm more aware that my Mum isn't going to be around forever now.
I think that I realised this year that while I'm not driving yet (waiting to hear from DVLA - now that would be a Christmas present!) and I'm on a pretty tight budget, that for me the good bits of Christmas are unchanged, when so much of my life changed post brain injury.
(Ok I definitely do miss being the one who cooks for everyone, and I really don't like my new found status as a 'parcel'- having to be planned for and driven by other people - even while I know they're being kind. And shopping is much harder work now whether online or not, )
But this third Christmas post MTBI, I've been trying to pre plan and simplify as much as possible, to spread out the things I want to do beforehand - to try and minimise the knock-on effect of being around the family, which will of course be too long and loud and bright ...
I suppose ask me again in January if it was worth being knocked out for? 🎄😊
Didn't see the smugness at all. The "parcel" thing is driving my wife nuts as well, because she lost 50% of her vision in the last car collision she has to be driven or "walked" everywhere with someone holding her arm.
My wife could never (she would try) cook before her injury, it is so difficult for her now that we ask her not to - partly because of the effort but mostly because the food is awful
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