My Beautiful Daughter

[CanisLupus]

Well it was 1 year Anniversary on 12th July 2019. Car crash not her fault a van overtaking a tractor travelling the opposite direction! 8 Pelvic Fractures and lower spine fractures are a distant memory and miraculously you would not know they happened. But the TBI, diffuse Axonal Injury is why I'm here on Headways and thanks to my local branch for all their support. My Daughter is recovering amazingly its the roller coaster thats hard to not fall off, with her denial that anything is wrong, the anger and blame issues of course parents are the easiest ones to blame (she turned 21 a month ago) and has lost a year of her life. Its hard but on we go, with the compensation case in the back ground NHS issues as she believes she is well so refuses to cooperate with them. She has just started on Sertraline for depression just 50mg currently I hope this helps her moods and sometimes panic brain that she gets. But positively she is lucky apart from a slight slur in speech some short term memory loss shes doing fine. Its us I'm not yet ready to accept I have a slightly different daughter, different personality I'm still waiting for more improvement - they say you have to grieve the old and embrace the new but I'm not ready for that yet....

[Phoenix68]

Hi CanisLupus I agree it’s a challenging journey. My daughter (22) had an ABI in 2017 and we are so thankful that she is still with us.

I have tried to focus on gratitude which has helped me enormously.

I agree with you that it’s important to acknowledge the grief that the old person isn’t there anymore and it’s a process.

However, we also must be strong for them and move on, have a sense of what we do have, build on it, and forgive.

One of our neighbours lost a son when he was 19 in an awful accident and I am grateful every day that we are not in their position, I still have my daughter with us, it could have been different.

I look at the new person she is in awe, her strength to carry on, her vulnerability, and perhaps you can focus on that too? Could your daughter‘s denial perhaps be a coping mechanism that shows that she wants to rebuild her life rather than relive the past? I see there is a huge amount of determination and strength which is not to be taken for granted, but to acknowledge as a huge positive. Perhaps you can say to her that you really admire her strength and determination to overcome her difficulties?

Are you working with a psychologist?

Best of luck!

[Lynd]

Hello CanisLupus

It is a hard road. My husband is a week shy of first anniversary.

His Hypoxic brain injury has caused a million changes but in our case I think I have accepted it now. However I am constantly giving him what I call home rehab and delight when things click into place for him.

Just take a day at a time and good luck.

[jayne_h]

Sorry to hear about your daughter's accident. My mum had a head injury & it took time to get over it, but I found using recipes from Tina M Sullivan's Nourish your Noggin helped. The book is available on amazon. Turmeric lattes with almond milk are nice. Basically, you try to lower sugar and avoid foods which would promote inflammation. It may help your daugther's memory and that could boost her spirits.

Hope she improves soon.

[cat3]

It certainly is a roller coaster CanisLupus. Mine was an ABI so there's an element of fatalism for me. But I always think a brain injury (& other issues) caused by another must induce so much more 'What ifs' (if only 2 minutes earlier/late etc.) Such a shame, and I hope the reckless driver was held accountable.

I realised at around the 12 month point that putting my energies into adapting to new standards and abilities was less frustrating than constantly failing at old ones. This helped to calm some of the frustrations. But over the years, with cognitive exercises & perseverance there've been some improvements which I considered bonuses, so never say never !

All best wishes, Cat x

[WinB]

Hi CanisLupus,

I was 63 years old when I had my bleed/SAH and it has left me with short term memory loss and as long as I have the backing of my Family I couldn't care a fig if I have changed. ..Your Daughter being 21 is young but every day in small ways we still get better. Some days I awake feeling sorry for myself another day I can be so grateful I am still alive and when out of it a man in a green robe threw sweets over my head as I turned around I saw my Daughter and hubby looking so sad and I rushed to them(Dream maybe) but we need our families like never before all though we might not tell you this without you we'd be lost. Hope daughter makes good progress and I knew I was getting better as hubs was off with me lol xxxx Good luck to you all xxxxx Win xxxx