Husband had a hypoxic brain injury 11 months ago a... - Headway

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Husband had a hypoxic brain injury 11 months ago and I’m not coping at the moment

Bellabear12
Bellabear12

Hi

My husband suffered a hypoxic brain injury 11 months ago, he is doing really well but has cognitive issues. I feel like I have lost a lot of my old husband and as time go on I feel like I’m coping with the change less.

Is anyone in the same situation as would be good to hea

I

21 Replies
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Hidden
Hidden

I am afraid everyone feels like this. You will learn to adjust though, but your life will never be quite same again. The best advice I can give is to develop as many interests of your own as you can, then things at home won't have quite such an impact. Also, get to know this new man of yours - you might not have chosen him like this but he is still your husband and you can have as good a life as possible.

Bellabear12
Bellabear12 in reply to Hidden

Thanks for your reply it’s goods to know that someone understands how I feel. It’s almost like a bereavement but I’m trying to adjust and getting used to how he is now x

hey sweetness, i had my abi which left me with frontal brain damage 7 years ago, i caused my wife to have a melt down. she dragged me along to the docs and had one in the surgery. i was referred to a psychiatrist who ive been seeing ever since.

it took me a while, but once i came to terms with the fact i wasnt the same person and that my old journey had ended and i was on a new one, things started to get better.

im noise intolerant, i dislike crowds and strangers, going to a pub or restaurant can be a nightmare for my wife. im rude, she needs to look around for possible flash points which is anything.

we go to a monthly headways group, itll be good for you because youd meet other darlings who put up with us when we throw our teddies out of the pram x.

welcome to the group, if you need to know anything and i can help, please ask.

steve x

Bellabear12
Bellabear12 in reply to steve55

Thanks for your reply pleased to hear that you understand how I feel. It’s changed our life, but my husband likes to socialise and he’s ok in crowds we have just been to London this weekend, it’s just he finds it hard to start a conversation and he is very different to how he used to be

steve55
steve55 in reply to Bellabear12

i used to be out going, id always find someone to talk to, now im completely diffferent, i shy away from from strangers.

i have 2 members of my wifes family who are considerate ( i wont say understanding, because youll never understand, because you havent got a tbi or an abi and i wouldnt wish it on you ) of my condition. ive been on holiday with them both and spent weekends at their homes, but feel happiest when im in my own home.

i dont go out on my own only with my wife and thats only during the summer. ive taken up new hobbies since my bi and set them out so i can go from one to the other because i have a very short attention span.

i no longer read, because of my memory, so i watch dvds, because its movement, the information appears to remain in my head longer, so when i stop it and then go back to it, i seem to be able to get the guist of whats going on, where as a book i had to start from the begging again.

steve x

We know how you feel. No easy answers except you do get more used to it.

Hardest thing for me is being team leader all the time.. However we had a few days away in York and really enjoyed it and that has made me realise we can still have a life.

Take care x

Bellabear12
Bellabear12 in reply to Lynd

We have just been to London with friends I understand that we can still have a life it’s just I’m finding it difficult as he is very different and finds it hard to have a conversation x how long is it since you husbands brain injury

Lynd
Lynd in reply to Bellabear12

Only since last August. It must be very tough if he can't have a conversation.

My husband chats all the time but only about pretty lightweight stuff. He doesn't really have a concept about the bills etc so it can get very frustrating.

Do you find it difficult all the time or just having a bad day?

Bellabear12
Bellabear12 in reply to Lynd

I just have bad days he is much the same as your husband doesn’t have any concept of money etc and talks about things he has done during the day can’t really have a conversation about important things which I miss.

Lynd
Lynd in reply to Bellabear12

It's very painful sometimes isn't it?

All that personal stuff that we used to be able to discuss. Just not possible anymore. Well to be honest I talk to him anyway about stuff but he's forgotten it half an hour later.

Some days I sail through and others I don't. Think we are all the same.

I think what keeps me going is the fact I missed him so much when he was in hospital all that time and I am grateful to have him home and alive and we have good bits.

We are not obliged to continue the relationship but that is everyone's own decision. X

Charente
Charente in reply to Lynd

Yes, exactly as I feel, I’m team leader now for an alpha male. But Ssh, quite getting into my role. You find strengths you never knew you had. We call ourselves Team D...... He’s OK with it and I make sure he leads on some issues. 🤗🤗🤗

Daylight123
Daylight123 in reply to Lynd

I get exhausted with being team leader to, but I do get magical moments too. Ive decided to go on holiday to familar place with my partner. I've found that he gets so less overwhelmed. I'm planning a get away holiday with my friend and daughter where I can take a back seat and not be in charge for a change. I found that the best thing is to work things out as you go along.

Life will be different but it will still be a good life., you need to grieve but there is still much happiness ahead. Amazing people on here who so helped me and gave me hope. Good days and bad days ahead but now more good than bad. Hang in there 💕💕🤗🤗

I had an SAH4 in 2009 and making my mind up is frustrating as I put my Family through hell and back and they stuck by me. Even when I called the OT's witches as I had hydrocephalus and was in cuckoo land for a year until shunt was fitted. Your hubs has been through it and so have you. I want to be nice when they say what do you want for dinner, and I say I'll have same as you ..So much easier. But I've decided he wants calamari and I want pizza tonight small step for hubs a giant leap for me. lol xxx He and you will make it and our short term memory is awful ..So good luck as our brain has been through WW3 ...Now chin up and always keep a smile for when he has bad days and they do get better as time goes on. You both need to get out for a coffee xxxx or a morning it will break his day up and yoursXXXXX

Hi my husband had a cardiac arrest 2years ago resulting in hypoxic brain injury.He needs 24hour care.He has cognitive issues and was quite uninhibited when he first came home after 5 months in hospital.He has no long term memory(kids growing up,us getting married etc) but still has his sense of humour.Sometimes it's like groundhog day but though he isn't the man I married,he's still my man.We don't do some of the things we did before(motorbike rallies etc) but we have both adapted to this new life.When he watches a dvd I read or do crosswords.We go out for meals and when family have time to watch him I try and meet up withfriends.You learn to adapt.It is hard and I find myself talking to myself sometimes when he doesn't reply.Take care and try and make some me time.Hugs.x

Bellabear12
Bellabear12 in reply to Alb64

Thanks for your kind words it’s so good to speak to someone in the same situation x

CassandraDee
CassandraDee in reply to Alb64

Hi Alb! Came across this 9-month-old post of yours and since our situations are so similar (husband has anoxic BI from cardiac arrest a year ago), I'm wondering how you're doing now :). Has his short term memory shown any improvement?

I try to count my blessings... his personality is the same, he can do little things around the house, he's a professional musician and can still play piano and guitar beautifully. He just has almost ZERO ability to retain information, has crazy beliefs, and can't be left safely alone. He also has recently starting suffering from anxiety about heights, windows, being in the outside world... that's our latest hurdle :(.

How are you doing?

Alb64
Alb64 in reply to CassandraDee

Hi Cassandra.It's now 3 years since my husband's BI.His short term memory is quite good but remembers nothing from before it happened unless it's something I've told him repeatedly(which I do most days).Music and bands he remembers from before(we both love music and I used to work in a record shop before we met)He spends most of the day listening to music and watching dvds.He cannot be left on his own as he isn't really safe.He can make a cup of tea as long as I remind him to put water in kettle,tea bags in etc.He is unable to read or write now.He used to build motorbikes as a hobby.did welding etc butcan't anymore.Lost his balance so couldn't even cycle.I've just got him a tricycle to ride round the farm track,but not in the road.He still has same sense of humour and isn't nasty but our lives are so different now.Sending you hugs.x

My husband has been the 'different ' man for 29 years,been difficult,but we have just celebrated 50th wedding anniversary.I will never give up on him .loved him always.a brain injury won't change that

Unfortunately you aren't a saint and you are human! Takes a few years to find who the new man is. My husband is not the man I married but has some nicer qualities now than he did before. He was the ultimate alpha male but is very different now so we have different objectives now than we did pre TBI, but life is pleasant . Just go with the flow and don't overthink and embrace new experiences for yourself. Good luck

Thanks for your reply it’s lovely for someone to understand how I feel thanks for the kind words

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