So today we are 13 weeks in from husband sustaining a hypoxic brain injury. We are also 4 hours in to him telling me that he doesn't love me, that I've done something wrong ( he can't remember what) and have just trawled through 300 emails and text messages while he tries to find evidence of the thing I've done wrong. I didn't think things could get any worse. He can't function without full time care so I can't leave, which I think he wants me to do x

14 Replies

  • HUGS! Please try to stay postiave,hard i know,having a bad day 13 weeks in isnot suprising.As he cannot rember what is that you done "wrong" then please donot dwell on it too much.I hope when you visit again tomrrow he will be more chirpy. My hubby was VERY odd after his A.B.I he had steroid pyhscohois! And odd frontal lobe behavoir! It was very distressing for me.I can Assure you that he is fine now.Do ring headway if you havenot already and ask about support for you both and care. Hope that helps (despite my bad spelling) TAKE CARE OF YOU! xx

  • It's the injury talking - not him. I've been there. I am finding now that it is me that has the problem with the marriage not him, but my husband cannot function without me either so it's a catch 22 situation . Give it time, just ignore the hurtful things he says. Wait and see how things are as he recovers. and be prepared for some very difficult times, unfortunately. Anything that happens at the moment is not real, it's just the injury but hopefully there will be light at the end of the tunnel when he is more recovered.

    Keep smiling and pretend all is well, it will help him in the long run. Lots of good wishes to you for this long journey to recovery.


  • Oh how difficult for you. Bi is such an awful thing and so hard to deal with for everyone, maybe tomorrow he won't even realise he said that to you...try at this stage not to take it to heart too much but yes it is very distressing to hear that. Best wishes to you. xx

  • Marylou

    While I can't speak for your husband I can tell you that I very consciously kept trying to push my husband away after my bump and thank goodness he didn't go.

    When we have awareness it's pretty natural to create excuses to push people we love away. We don't want them to be burdened.

    I really feel for you.

    Love n hugs


  • Marylou hes just striking out at anyone.

    Id say he does love you and wont even remember what hes said

  • Oh MaryLou sending you a giantest hug there.

    As everyone has said it is the injury that is causing this, but it is so hard for you i realise. please know that we care very much .

    TN x

  • hey marylou we dont know were being bastards, but thats why when one partner has a bi 85% of marriages fail, mine just tells me off, even if we re in the supermarket and im swinging a bag of nuts around at crotch level, asking her if she wants a nibble.

    she just looks at me, takes the nuts off of me and tells me with a straight face i was being inappropriate.

    id be lost without mine, love her to pieces but can be a complete bastard at times.

    stick in there, find yourself a headways group, dont worry about about going on your own and meet up with the absolute darlings that put up wit us pain in the asses.


  • Ah! Just what I needed to hear! Hug for your wife! Haha. Thanks x

  • MaryLou........... Psychotic episodes are not uncommon after any type of brain injury ; they can last for a matter of minutes or for weeks. Why it should wait for 13 weeks to occur I have no idea, but a neuropsychologist might be the person to talk to.

    Are you still in touch with the hospital where your husband was treated ; it would save on the waiting time of a referral from your GP ??

    It must be so hard dealing with additional issues, but I really hope you'll see your man's present state as delusional and not a personal attack/rejection. And I hope you get the help you both need.

    My best wishes for better days ! xx

  • Agree fully with all the posts above. Sending you a hug. Some one told me that people save their worst behaviour for those they feel safest with (people who they feel they will still be loved by no matter what) . Think naughty child and parent. Or as others have said, it would well be medication related? Either way, hang on in there :)

  • Totally agree with all the above posts - I know during the last 7 weeks of our son's hypoxic injury i can honestly say that there have been times when in my mind I have told me husband that I don't love him as that is how I was feeling and he has probably thought the same without voicing it. We have been married over 40 years and what we have both learned is that "feelings aint fact" and we shouldn't act on them or listen to them and only go by what you know in your mind to be true. As the heart above all things is deceitful (according to the Bible) !! With BI I suppose that goes out the window as the reason part is missing albeit for a little while.

    You have been through so much over the past 13 weeks you must be totally exhausted both physically and mentally and this is probably the last thing in the world you needed to hear from your husband but he is in unknown territory that those of us who have not had a BI cannot really understand. So keep strong and today may be a much better day for you both.

  • Hang on in there - this is the 'for worse' bit in the wedding vows - but it won't last forever! And yes it can get worse - going through emails is good brain exercise, keeps him busy and ought to help him rebuild his picture of life (unless he is still not memory recording...). Bear in mind that he may not remember what he has said anyway.

    Perhaps try not to treat him as your partner but consciously adopt a different 'model'. One more as you would a child without the expectations. We do not despair and take personally things children say - and that includes teenagers! Rather we are pained for their turmoil and just slightly indignant but do not hold on to it a a sign that our relationship is at an end...

    Comparing notes on here will help you to find, value and draw on your strength. All the best!

  • It is his illness talking sweetie, just be there make sure he knows your there no matter what but at this point don't try and get into too much conversation with him and wonder why yourself xx he will learn I his own way and time and remember that you're there for him no matter what and you wish no hurt/harm to him or ever will xxx I'm at a similar point with my hubby though different situations xxx here if you wish to chat, just pm me xxx

  • Hi Marylou. Really empathise , it can be really tough sometimes. Thing is he'll go from 0-10 in the anger stakes sometimes in no time at all. Those feelings are likely to be more difficult to control too .My partner often gets angry still after 15 years. I think it's really important (when you have time ) to have a good read of people's stories here, I learned so much from reading about TBI on here . I would also recommend watching Louis Theroux's programme about brain injury , if you can find it some where.

    As many people have said it's the injury talking and as you're the closest to him you're getting the brunt which is hard.

    Here's a link to an article from Psychology today too about some things that can happen after a tbi. I hope it helps. A big hug to you xx

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