I know I'm out of here just don't know when. I'm sorry but I've 'just been here'for too long. Long before marks accident.

I've come to realize I'm just a looker afterer and have been for a long time. I have no confidence and don't know what I'm doing here anymore. If i don't get out I'll never find myself again. It's marks familys time to step up now because I'm worn out and had enough of this nothingness

7 Replies

  • Hello Debbiw Just Jules here,

    Sorry i dont know you story, but thought i''d drop you aline because it sounds like you need to chat.

    I know the feeling well of 'had enough of nothingness

    Kind regards



  • Have you have somewhere to go Debbie ? Perhaps some time apart will give both you,and Mark, some breathing space, and even make a permanent separation less of a wrench is that's what has to be.

    You said things had started to pale even before Mark's TBI so perhaps you've stayed around out of duty/pity/guilt ? If your relationship is based on dependency alone, it will only breed resentment and that's unfair to you and can only hinder Mark's rehabilitation.

    Do what you feel is right for you, and fair for you both. No one here will judge you whatever you decide.

    Good luck Debbie ; I hope you'll find the best way forward with the minimum amount of heartache. xx

  • I just typed a long reply to you but seem to have wiped it off!

    I know exactly how you feel Debbie, I have been ready to pack my suitcase many times and have been at rock bottom.

    You must do exactly what you feel is right for YOU. So much of the time it is all about the person with the bi. I think people forget what it takes to care for someone like this all the time (why do you think my name here is 'exhausted wife'). It will do you so much good to get right away from the situation where you have time to re-stock your self-worth and can think logically about the next step for you BOTH.

    If Mark has family who can take over while you do that, then that will be good. If they have to care for him all the time, they will realise just what you have given up to do this. If you decide that you need to come back, make it on condition that they take their share of the caring and give you regular breaks. My daughter takes my husband for a week now and again and it does her and the rest of the family so much good in realising just how hard my day-to-day life is.

    Have you got somewhere you can go to give you a complete break? If you ever need to chat, I am here. I know exactly what it is like to be the carer of a bi person, however much you love them, you are living with someone who is not the person you thought you were spending your life with and probably not someone you would have chosen to be with if you had known what they would be like. The carer somehow gets 'lost' in this situation, the person you once were is no longer there and you have to change yourself to adapt to the new ways. Not easy or desirable.

    If you decide to stay, or come back if you leave, you need to change things and do something to give yourself a life outside the home situation. Is there something you would have liked to do if the bi had not happened? Maybe do a course in something that interests you, work in a charity shop, start keep fit classes, whatever you would like. Just something that gives you time for YOU. You need to get together with Mark's family to make sure they give you the time to do these things. If they are not physically able to help, they could contribute money each to enable you to pay a carer to give you free time.

  • Sending you a hug :( so sorry to read your post, I understand the 'I've had enough' feeling.......and agree with all the other posts. You pass this way only once - try to arrange full respite while you think about what's best. You need space to think clearly x

  • Hi.

    I'm very very sorry.

    Do you have any family or friends that can help ????

    Has mark had any help following his B/I ????

    Please let me know if I can help you further ????


  • Doesn't sound like you to have a realationship as such, don't get me wrong all partners end up performing a carer role to some extent.

  • I suffered a tbi and my partner of 22 years left me it was hard to start with but at the end of the day the injury has ruind my life why should it ruin another hope this helps stay strong and stick by your decision