New Member

[IfrahAden]

Hi

I am new looking for support from others who are in similar situations to me. My dad in 2006 had a stroke

at work, since then has been in a vegetative state. So for 9 years he has been in this state and its been hell! I was only 16 when it happened and I have never spoke about it in depth before outside of my family.

[randomphantoms]

Oh ifrah

I feel for you. It must be heartbreaking for you. Please ring the Headway helpline their details are in a pinned post on this page.

Welcome to the forum and feel free to ask, vent whatever you need.

Lovenhugs

Xoxo

[Nutkin33]

Oh shame. That's awful!

Like it's been suggested, if you can get into a Headway Support Group, please do!

Lots of hugs

Debs

😉😘

[IfrahAden in reply to Nutkin33]

thank you Debs! I will

contact Headway. It becomes lonely and tiring to deal with living 'normal' day to day. An outlet with others is what I need.

Xx

[Alice5]

Hi Ifrah

So pleased you've found this site.

People on here will always give you support and listen to what you have to say.

Often it helps to just share what you're feeling with others who have their own personal experiences.

9 years is a long time to have coped with your feelings just within the family.

The reason I love this site is that you can share whatever you like without being judged. You are talking to friends but people who you are probably never likely to meet, you can be honest without hurting loved ones.

I hope you'll contact Headway and continue to post on here,

Take care x

[EVC70]

Hi, sorry 2 ere about ur dad. I was in my early 20's wen my mom took I'll she had a brain hemarage & they had 2 clap another ready 2 burst. That was 20 yrs ago. My brother was only 10 and I think he blames that happening for everything that is wrong in his life.

[MedicalAngel]

I've never experienced what you are experiencing - thankfully.

I hope you'll find talking to Headway and us on here liberating & effective.

My experience on here is lots of non judgemental understanding, care and interest with a bit of appropriate humour thrown in.

It sounds like you've been coping & dealing with lots of different aspects of grief, loss, acceptance and survival to some degree.

I take my hat off to you especially without outer family support.

Take care of you 😊

[cat3]

Hello IfrahAden and welcome. I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad. My ex-husband (who was also a dear friend) was in a minimally conscious state for 3.5years and, for my son and daughter especially, it was simply dreadful.

But as someone in PSV is completely unresponsive it must be torturous for you after 9 years and it's good that you're seeking an outlet for your feelings here.

Can you bring yourself to talk about the thoughts which are tormenting you, in order that others here might offer some empathy/comfort ?

Cat x

[IfrahAden in reply to cat3]

Thank you for the reply. I don't even know where to begin, as I was 16 growing into adulthood and trying to balance a normal

life has been extremely hard. I tried my hardest for my sake and my family sake to remain strong and contniue to go on with school, work ect... but deep down i just wanted to stop and hide and just sit and wait until my dad wakes up. Its almost like i am mentally stuck even though I appear to be coping. I feel selfish to always bring this up with friends, as its depressing and its not their worry its mine. And then I feel guilty for being sad as my dad is the one sufferinf being trapped in his own body its horrible, I feel like his in limbo between being alive and dead.

[cat3 in reply to IfrahAden]

Sorry for the delay IfrahAden. Yours isn't a western name so would you mind telling me whether you're in the UK or elsewhere.

The reason I ask is because I know that healthcare varies greatly depending on where we are in the world and I don't want to make any assumptions.

I wonder what your dad's doctors have told you about his prospects ; is it simply a matter of 'wait & see' as is usually the case in PVS, or have they given you reason for hope And forgive my ignorance, but is he having life-support or surviving independently ?

It's such a devastating issue for you and I'm hoping maybe Headway can intervene with some professional help but, as I mentioned earlier, it's important to know whether you're here in the UK.

I personally will do anything in my power to get you some help once we have a clearer picture of your situation.

Cat x

[steve55 in reply to IfrahAden]

ifrahaden theres nothing selfish about your feelings,

youre young you want to have fun.

there are clubs out there for young carers.

you dont say whether you alone is responsible for your dads care

[cat3 in reply to cat3]

PS If you are in the UK you might like to phone the Headway helpline on 0808 800 2244 where you'll find caring and supportive staff. The line is open from 9am-5pm, mon-fri.

But whatever else you do, please come back to us very soon.

xx

[Alice5]

Dear Ifrah

How brave you've been trying to cope whilst struggling inside. Now it's time to look after you and get some professional help.

You are certainly not selfish and its perfectly normal to feel sad with all that's happened.

It sounds as though you've put life on hold while you wait for your dad to wake up.

I'm sure lots of people on here can advise you how to get help and I'm sure phoning Headway would be a great place to start.

You've taken a huge step asking for help on here, help is out there for you so that you can begin to enjoy life without feeling guilty or responsible. What's happened isn't your fault and I'm sure your dad would want you to enjoy life.

Keep in touch xx

[MXman]

Hi IfrahAden,

Well now you have found this forum you will never have to hide away and keep your feelings in again. My heart goes out to you and your dad it must be a really difficult space to deal with and it sounds like you are coping well but heaven knows I understand how you must feel about your thinking. I am 46 (47) in a few weeks and my dad still thinks I'm 16 sometimes and he treats me like that so I don't really speak to him as it makes me feel so low.

As others have suggested call the headway help line they are fantastic and will help, they understand what your going through and will be very supportive.

Have a fantastic Tuesday and hope to see you back on here soon. N

[steve55]

who looks after your dad

[Jukieh]

It must be awful I'm in a vegetative state and wouldn't wish it on anybody

[Jukieh]

I am in the same situation as your dad it's terrible x